On Dying

The man upstairs is dying. At night, his coughs are so loud and strong, the sound seeps through the floor into my apartment. I hear footsteps of his wife on the floor. And, I lie in my dark bedroom, helpless.

In a few months, the coughing will cease, and I may hear wailing. I wish I knew what to do.

I'm not certain what I'm looking for or how I should ask any of you, but what do people who know they are dying yearn for?

Comments

We all know we are dying, only some us are more aware of an approximate time of when that dying will take place.

If you want to do something for this man, I would suggest you reach out to him and offer your friendship, see beyond his illness and share in a conversation.

Perhaps you could make soup or some other dish and bring it to him. Even if he can't eat it himself, perhaps his wife would enjoy it; I'm sure she could use a break from cooking by now.

Perhaps in your thoughtfulness, you could consider his wife. If she is taking care of him full-time, then it means that she hasn't had much time for herself, or time to do much of anything else. Ask if you can pick some things up at the store for her. Let her know that you are there if she needs anything or just wants to talk. You would be surprised at how much of a comfort it is for someone to just know there is someone there.

Your generosity doesn't have to be grand or fancy, think simple and offer with your heart.

Food is a good idea, especially if you don't know them well and feel awkward talking with them. It doesn't need to be fancy, just something that you can offer to give them a break from having to prepare a meal. Homemade is best, preferably something that can keep in the fridge and heats up easily. Just make double of whatever you're cooking for dinner, and bring the rest over to them. What you're really giving them is the gift of time: time that they can spend on themselves rather on than the chore of cooking. If your neighbor is dying, they will appreciate every extra minute they can get.

I agree that food is a great idea. Having gone through this with my grandmother, our extended family who set up schedules to provide us with lunch and dinner every day really helped alot.

Depending on the closeness of your relationship with them, I gotta say, towards the end, a hug and a kind word meant the world to me and I know the visits from friends meant the world to my tutu.

Thanks for your empathy and help. I'll see what I can do.

Take care,
Ruth

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