Love in the 21st Century

I was talking with a friend who has been in a relationship with a woman he considers "The One" for a little over a year, when he told me the story of how they met: over the Internet.

I found this incredibly interesting. I have been a net junkie since I was thirteen, and done everything from chats to forums. Although I have developed on-line social circles, I have never developed romantic relationships over the internet.

He told me that going on a romance chat forum is like going to a bar. You can pick up people, but you don't have to spend any money or worry that someone may slip something into your drink.

An interesting thought. Got the inner journalist thinking... now I have coaxed my boyfriend to join me on an adult chat forum to learn the dynamics of online dating. A woman's perspective and stories, as well as a man's. It should be interesting.

I was wondering, however, if any of you had ever had or thought about going online to find people with whom you could connect on that level. If so, what did you find? If not, would you ever give it a shot? Why or why not?

Comments

Anaiis, most of the couples I know nowadays met online. ;)

I personally met my husband at a theatre function, but before Basil I met and "dated" a few guys that I met online. I put "dated" in quotations only because they all ended up being one date flings or one night stands. For me, the staying power wasn't there with my Internet boyfriends.

I summed it up to bandwidth. See, I'm a high bandwidth kind of girl. If sitting in the room next to somebody is a T3 connection, then online chat is like dial up on a 14k modem for me. I need to be able to memorize the sounds and look of a laugh. I want to be able to read the darting of eyes. Plus, *smooch* is such a low bandwidth letdown, compared to a real goodnight kiss.

But I definitely tried it. And I discovered alot about myself, like....I'm a horrible judge of character (*smile*), people never send recent photos--including myself, and if you decide to meet someone in person you have to release (COMPLETELY) any preconceived notions of who you think they are going to be.

I met one of my best friends, Trey online many many years ago. We thought we were in love, and even met and had sexy weekends together a couple of times. But it turns out we're just amazing online friends who communicate daily.

Did I meet my prince charming on the Internet? No. But I had alot of fun kissing the toads along the way, and met a few knights in shining armour that made it all worth while!

I actually met my partner online. Amazingly, it worked out incredibly well and we just celebrated our 7th anniversary. I'm not sure if we're the exception or the rule, though, because I've heard of some doozies and some other tales of relationships similar to ours. At least for us it worked just splendidly.

I'll chime in to say that by this late point in the "Information Age," there's nothing at all novel anymore about relationships that start online. It might shock most grandparents and a handful of folks in Utah, but the stigma that was attached to the concept only a few years ago is pretty faint today.

My first girlfriend was a regular visitor to a BBS I ran. And she was a regular at Saimin, which - if you don't know it - was pretty much the local hookup hub of the modem set over a decade ago. (Back when 2400 baud was pretty smokin'!)

To be sure there were a lot of folks in the community that were... er, different, but on the other hand, I can think off the top of my head of five relationships spawned there as late as 1992 that are still going strong today.

And today, we've got Yahoo! Personals (and Match.com and a whole slew of similar services) for overt love hunting, but more importantly, we've got the Internet as a very mainstream, very comfortable medium of communication, through which meaningful relationships are fostered that are no less "legitimate" than getting to know a classmate, or the guy at the Barnes & Noble at Ward.

I'd say the success rate of online relationships (i.e. those that start online) is probably no different than conventional ones. While you lose that important, face-to-face physical chemistry test, you also have the more significant benefit of really getting to know a person's inside instead of writing it off prematurely because of mere appearances.

Thanks for your answers, everyone!

Beth, you are a goddess, thank you very much for sharing that with me. really appreciate it.

And hayneyz, thank you and congratulations on your 7th. I have been with my boyfriend for only five months (still going strong), and although we didn't meet online, we do have a very interesting 'first-impression' story.

Like most people who don't have apartments when they first get here, I stayed at a hotel for a few months. He happened to be staying at the same hotel, and one night, while I was riding the highest high of inpiration (fingers flying a thousand and one words a minute), I heard slamming on my door.
I get irritable when I am interrupted while writing, so I ran to the door threw it open and quite rudely demanded what the hell he wanted.

He gave me a strange look for two reasons: one, I was only wearing lingerie. Two, he was knocking on the door across the hall from mine.

He was cute. Really cute. I apologized and closed the door, blushing like I have never blushed in my life. I couldn't help thinking how attractive he was. So I opened the door again and asked him if he would model for me.

His answer: "is that a pickup line?"
I knew he was a keeper.

Thanks for the answer, Ryan, and you are right. It seems I got a little behind in the rush to the information age. Everyone I have talked with has had one or two online romances except for me!

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