HawaiiStories: Annoying Locals

March 29, 2003

Annoying Locals

It seems that HawaiiStories is becoming one of those places people check in on in order to get a sense of how Hawaii's people are feeling. I'd like to take advantage of this fact by starting a list of annoying local personalities. It seems to me that some of the truly annoying people in the public eye don't realize how annoying they're being, so I offer this list as a public service on the relatively decent chance that they might hear about our annoyance, and thus do something to address the problem.

I'm generally a very positive person, and I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. You know that freeway onramp at Pi`ikoi, going in the Ewa direction? If I'm about to get on, and someone has zoomed past the long line of waiting cars in the adjacent lane and tries to jump in at the very front of the line, I typically wave the person in with a smile. I mean, how many of us, when we were first learning to drive in that area, didn't accidentally find ourselves in the same position, sheepishly asking for some measure of kindness? And even if it the zoom-ahead isn't accidental, perhaps the line-hopper has a nasty case of diarrhea, or has just heard that his or her house is on fire, or has to get to a hospital. Whatever the case, I don't want to be the one who screwed somebody, based merely on my own sense of driving justice.

That's how I approach my relationships with my fellow citizens. We don't know what others are going through, so I think we need to cut each other as much slack as possible. Anyone can "live aloha" when people are shooting the aloha right back, but that's just not enough aloha. If you wanna Live Aloha, you gotta do so even when surrounded by apparent idiots.

Fellow citizens, I said. Public figures don't count for the simple reason that when one puts him- or herself in the public eye, he or she has a responsibility to present him- or herself as honorable, responsible, or at least not nails-on-chalkboard annoying. These people NEED to be held to a higher standard, and they should WANT to be held to a higher standard. If the lady in the house on the corner is annoying because her mango tree drops fruit on the sidewalk and she never cleans it up, that's one thing. She's just doing her thing, and if we have a problem, we should approach her in person and work something out. People in the public spotlight, however, should strive to be as un-annoying as possible, and I don't have a problem with a public lambasting. If you're going be annoying in the mass media, you should be dressed-down in the mass media. Or something.

I understand that what one human finds annoying might actually appeal to another, so of course I welcome arguments for the defense, as well.

I'm going to get the ball rolling with Clint Arnoldus, the CEO of Central Pacific Bank. I have nothing against the bank or its current "fiercely loyal" ad campaign (but keep reading for my tirade against its mascot), but that commercial he's in, where he drives the golf ball while spewing incredibly boring and cliche stuff about loyalty, just really stinks. Arnoldus has nothing that even approaches the charisma and instant likeableness of Bank of Hawaii CEO Mike O'Neill. His delivery is bland and boring, and although I'm sure the copy isn't his fault, it, too, is bland and boring. Boring delivery with boring writing is a deadly and annoying combination.

I don't remember off the top of my head which furniture store is the guilty party, but whichever it is that has the human dressed as a Serta Sheep irritates the heck out of me. Have you seen this thing? It's horrifying. The Serta Sheep are really, really cute, but THIS thing is unbelievable. That someone saw this thing and thought it might attract customers is truly amazing. Ugliest dang mascot I've ever seen.

I've railed before about Liz Chun, KGMB's sports director and anchor. In the months since, I will admit she has gotten much better, and I appreciate the wit she tries to employ when describing players' efforts--it's certainly more original than what the vast majority of local sportscasters is writing. Still, she has a terrible knack for mispronouncing players' names. If she's going to broadcast sports, she's GOT to learn how to pronounce players' names correctly. There's a lot of hope here, but Liz is still very, very annoying.

Whoever does those Dr. Futon commercials on the radio: EXTREMELY annoying.

Anyone who employs a cute dog, especially in an effort to make the cute dog a local personality, annoys the heck out of me. This means you, Mike McKenna, and you, Central Pacific Bank. Now, I love dogs, and I have no problem with using a cute dog in commercials. But fer cryin' out loud, let the dog be a dog. Don't turn the dog into a SPOKESPERSON. Don't dress the dog up in stupid clothes. Don't make the dog rescue people from falling stage props. Don't make the dog retrieve golf balls in trying-to-be-funny-but-failing-miserably commercials. And for the love of Pete, don't dub a human voice over a dog's moving lips in order to make it look like the dog is talking. Grrrr!

I'm pretty sure I'm going to draw heat for this one, but Lisa Matsumoto is annoying as all-get-out. I think it's a good thing that she's writing plays with local flavor. I love the fact that the language and dialect in these plays are well-written, and that the actors in these plays are generally pretty good. I appreciate the quality of the production, too--her sets and costumes are very well-done, and the lighting is creative and effective. Matsumoto's throwaway jokes are really funny (as in On Dragonfly Wings, when a Pidgin-speaking character suddenly switches to proper English and the other characters stare at her. She shrugs and says, "My cousin went Punahou"). What I find annoying is the way she forces tension and conflict when none really exists. Some character will make a mistake, and the other characters will behave as if it's the worst thing in the world. This is not so bad all by itself, but when the conflict in the play hinges on these seemingly-minor-events-blown-out-of-proportion, the writer throws the credibility of the entire work into question. I always feel I've been cheated when I see a Matsumoto-written play.

Hm. I've got a lot more, but I'd like to hear first about who annoys you. Anyone?

Posted by scrivener at March 29, 2003 11:58 AM

Comments

Posted by Jon on March 29, 2003 5:59 PM:

Oh, annoying local. I thought you said Joe Moore.

How about a curmudgeon who writes a weblog about being Joe Moore?

Just as bad. The poor bastard.

Posted by ZZType on March 29, 2003 7:14 PM:

What? No rant about the "Slasher" car commercials and the idiots they employ to stand at the side of the road waving signs touting "$88 cars"!!!

I gotta believe that in the end, the car will be worth what I paid for it, no?

And I CAN'T STAND those radio commercials where the car dealer does a 100-MPH reading of all the terms and conditions for the commercial they're ABOUT TO air!!! AAAAAAUUUGGHHH!!!

But then again, it's hardly a "local" thing. The guys "slashing" prices in the commercials are West-Coast, for sure.

Can't say as much for the "Section 8" sign wavers.

Posted by Ryan on March 29, 2003 10:26 PM:

Boy, Mitchell. Commercials alone could fill this thread.

I'm no fan of the CPB Clint Arnoldus ad (though Jen really wants an Alex plushie), but I have to disagree with your assessment of Mike O'Neill. He comes across as a greasy insurance salesman after a rare shower. Then again, I might just be biased, being as I am a Bank of Hawaii customer who has "asked Mike" and "told Mike" dozens of things dozens of times, to receive both silence and ever worsening service. Hint: Don't push responsiveness and service if your business offers neither.

Tanya from Sleepland USA drives many members of my family batty. Yet The Honolulu Advertiser profiled her as "a sleeper hit," and someone on this very site in a previous "annoy" thread called her "kinda hot." Different strokes, I guess.

Tiny Tadani had his very own thread in April, so I'll let him alone here.

Most local weatherbunnies and morning show yakkers make my teeth hurt. Jill Kuramoto for one. She's great for fluff, don't get me wrong, but watching her attempt a serious topic physically hurts. I've actually archived a couple of the best/worst clips, wanting to send them to a journalism teacher to use as examples of how not to conduct an interview. They go something like this:

Jill: So what do you think of the war?
Saddam Hussein: It is an evil act of an evil aggressor, George W. Bush! I'm glad I lied about those weapons of mass destruction!
Jill: Very interesting. What do you think about the economy?
Saddam: Don't you want to know about my weapons of mass destruction?
Jill: Very interesting. What do you think about toast?

Hint: Look up "follow-up question" in your Newswriting 101 textbook.

Ah, yes, car radio ads. Frontloading the fine print sucks, I agree. But the ones that are pre-packaged from mainland marketing houses and made to sound like "live call-ins from the lot" make me instantly regret ever tuning away from NPR in the first place.

Also on the radio, I'd list Morgan Beret's ads, at least the ones they did this past Valentine. They were just begging for a MST3K-esque roasting, which my wife and I were more than happy to provide.

Those futon ads? Agreed, quite grating. Then again, I find myself impersonating them now and then later in the day. They almost seem a parody of bad radio ads.

A general comment, though: they should ban car skid or crash sound effects from all radio ads. I don't need that kind of adrenaline rush in my day, thank you.

KGMB's news operation in general annoys me. I hate to even have to flip past them to get from KITV to KHNL (which is already a pretty steep drop as it is).

Interesting that the Serta Sheep was named. What about the Hungry Lion? Or the Jamba Juice wandering fruit? Man those jobs must suck. I've waved at the lion since I was a kid, though, and now my daughter does too, so I've got a soft spot for him/her.

Oh, and that Piikoi onramp you offer as an example? Well, let's just say I make up for my unsympathetic behavior there (as someone who does not cut in) elsewhere on the road.

Of course, I always yield for bicyclists and leave room for buses...

Posted by aureservoir on March 30, 2003 4:03 AM:

oh, Ryan, I'm beginning to like you (I also cannot stand Jill! It seems I'm the only one in my household who feels this way; how can one not be irritated by her voice? I'm sure she's a nice person, but why doesn't management send her to a speech coach or something!? On the other hand, Tina Shelton can do no wrong, IMHO).

Posted by Glen Miyashiro on March 30, 2003 2:32 PM:

Ryan: "Most local weatherbunnies and morning show yakkers make my teeth hurt."

Which reminds me of the hilarious term "shoyu bunnies". It's just so completely right. But the only people I've seen use the term (in writing, at least) are you, and Ryan Senaga from Honolulu Weekly. I must run with the wrong crowd!

Posted by Albert on March 31, 2003 7:46 AM:

Linda Lingle, Haunani-Kay Trask, all local musicians who sing soppy "mommy and daddy" songs, almost all local radio stations, both daily newspapers, most locals who post on alt.culture.hawaii, and the Springtime Weather God.

Posted by Haken on March 31, 2003 5:03 PM:

All the local politicians annoy me.

Posted by heidi on March 31, 2003 5:54 PM:

anyone who gets annoyed easily ..annoys me! come on people!! they are only human! i think there is always one thing about you that annoys another! so give it a rest! sorry so blunt. aloha!

Posted by Jon on March 31, 2003 7:32 PM:

Don't forget those god awful Hawaiian cover bands.

Posted by Beth on March 31, 2003 8:03 PM:

*singing* You my brown eyed girl! la la la la la la la la la la la de da *end singing*

Posted by Ryan on April 1, 2003 12:21 AM:

i think there is always one thing about you that annoys another! so give it a rest!

Um, Heidi? I think Mitchell did a pretty good job of setting down his criteria here. There's one significant detail between me and you, and Tiny Tadani and Jill Kuramoto: They are public figures, and make a living in front of the public eye. Such a position comes pluses and minuses, and among the latter are weblog discussions about how much they suck.

Don't forget those god awful Hawaiian cover bands.

Ah, a distinctly local phenomenon. Thus, something that got its own thread here last April. Building from that, of course, came the thread about local covers we'd like to hear.

And thanks, Beth, for that musical interlude. Now I'll be hearing that in my sleep.

Posted by mitchell on April 1, 2003 1:50 PM:

Hmmmmmmmm. I TOTALLY know what you mean about Jill Kuramoto, but what a total, complete, and irrisistable babe!

Posted by Albert on April 1, 2003 2:30 PM:

"Don't forget those god awful Hawaiian cover bands.

Ah, a distinctly local phenomenon."

No, not really. We had it on the mainland in the fifties when white musicians would cover tunes created by black musicians (and, sadly, often have the greater success with them). And in Britain in the sixties, when junk bands would cover USA hits.

Yeah, okay, add "cover bands" of all kinds to my annoyed-with list. :)

p.s. Also add Carole Kai and her male co-host of that hideous "Hawaii Stars" (can't even remember his name). Maybe the broadcasts aren't as awful as watching them being taped at Ala Moana, but I doubt it.

Posted by Jen on April 1, 2003 7:48 PM:

I get annoyed when people feel the need to enter a perfectly reasonable debate, critique or discussion and say, "Why can't we all get along?"

Otherwise, Sheryl Turbeville makes my teeth itch. She's probably a very nice person, but the way she ov-er-en-un-ci-ates ev-e-ry sin-gle sen-tence drives me nuts. It's like she's trying not to bust out into pidgin and is overcompensating.

Posted by raevyn808 on April 1, 2003 8:57 PM:

Louise Kim McCoy has annoyed me since the day she called someone "a former UH-Manoa graduate" when she worked for KITV. That mistake just pops up whenever I see one of her reports.

Yes, suntanned Sleepland Tanya still annoys like NOBODY!

Another nameless annoyance is that woman featured in a Oahu FCU commercial who I've been annoyed with since I saw her in a Christmas commercial for Long's Drug. It's the ad where the local mom catches her son on the computer and says "busted." It's a cheesy ad along the lines of those Hawaiian Host Chocolate ads with the mainland aunty eating ONE piece of candy as she makes her coffee in her cozy wintry mainland kitchen. Puh-leeez. It just makes me crabby.

It's the gift of Aloha, Hawaii's gift to the world

Sorry, I got a little Glenn Medeiros-y for a bit.

Posted by Glen Miyashiro on April 1, 2003 9:06 PM:

That Kaiser Permanente commercial with the teen/20ish young woman talking about her doctor: "Like, I feel I can tell her everything? She's not just a doctor, she's, like, a friend?"

Posted by Albert on April 2, 2003 1:04 PM:

More nominations (blame it on the UH-Manoa campus):

* people who sit in libraries yakking away on their damned cellphones

* people who say "like he goes" instead of "he said"

* people who can't speak a single sentence without f*ck in it

Posted by h on June 19, 2003 5:59 PM:

those taco bell "spice it up" commercials are the most annoying. the stupid jingle sticks in your head the whole day and disrupts all thought process. very irritating.

Posted by I'm posting anonymously because I don't want to hear flack from Lisa. on July 14, 2004 8:57 AM:

I don't want to come off as a jerk, but Lisa Matsumoto needs to have that smile slapped off her face. I went to high school with her and she was a complete [b]itch!!! She may have grown up to be an nice adult--I don't know since I now live on the mainland--but back then, she just annoyed the hell out of me, trying to be all cute yet coming off as cocky and fake. (p.s. I found your post by doing a search on "sumo"...I guess it was included in "MatSUMOto."

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Annoying Locals

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