I think some people are actually from Pluto

There must be an unusual alignment of the planets and other assorted celestial bodies up there because more than several people I know are experiencing such chaos with their significant others. Each one has a slightly different situation, yet the same old story, that has brought about a questioning of their relationship. Things have either happened or are happening that are obvious signs of disrespect and deceit and these friends are blind to them. Past occurrences of cheating have not been dealt with and ignored because they are trying to just forget it and move on. These friends grumble to me about current arguments and I find myself repeating advice over and over.


One big concern is that some of these friends have young children who are witnessing this verbal and psychological abuse that comes in the form of "joking around" and "teasing." How much of this abuse, disrespect and lying are they willing to take? How much do they value themselves and their children? What else am I supposed to do besides offer commonsense advice? When is it appropriate for me to drop friendly advice and just drop the black and white truth in their laps? Tough love, nothing. I'd like to get some suggestions for some Hawaiian-Aunty Pua-kine advice.

Comments

Well put. Your reference to the "celestial bodies" as a possible causality of your friends' "chaos" is intriguing, and a sign of a promising secretariat astronomical (astrologist in Shakespeare's lingo). Do you think the cause of all the strife could be due to something more scientific though, like maybe that kind of thing is plain contagious--to be cured by a cross between a Louie Pasteur and a Dear Abby. Strife always involves the question of who it is.....that is.....suppose to revolve around whom, in determing the position of dominance, or some other form of asymetric comfort. I'v found that real life holds so many strains of betrayal, you got to start waving the warrantee at your spouse on day 2 of your bliss. If you're not reasonably watchful, relationships can start to self-hex, by itself, even in the early stage when the couple is more cognizant of what joint ownership is all about. Most likely, commonsense advice ain't gonna work. It's putting a square peg in a round whole. "Common Sense" is the name of the fictious person who didn't show up to chaperone the couple, at the onset of the mating season. Even if your friendy suggestions are listened to, its either, gonna end up being co-opted for selfish reasons by one party, or used as a temporary truce by both sides, so each can separately re-arm for the next round of abuse, whenabouts, the originating dysfunction gets recycled into a hybrid argument. All of it is so emotionally unhealthy.....that you'd assume grown-ups would not try to trump each other ad nostrum. But before you know it, the weekly vicious cycle of in-fighting has elapsed into a year, and probably even by then, the debate over whose duty it is to take out the mental trash is still unresolved. Of course, it's understood that no one likes to be the junior partner of the pair. Even if a subservient role may have been implied during the courtship phase, its an odious debt to hold its benefactor to something as ceremonial. I know a few who are not in any particular rush to go home after work because the bitch is waiting behind the drawbridge. But what do I know. More safe that way.

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