“Till they drag me out, cursing and kicking…
Just forget about counting the days left for Christmas shopping starting with the day after Thanksgiving. Family tradition calls for me to wait until the clock is winding down the last remaining hours before the “fat guy” shows up on the radar of the local meterologist. He points to a “blip” on the weather radar that supposed to be Santa and his reindeer as he’s talking about what the weather is supposed to be like when Santa lands on the first rooftop, looks down the chimney and realizes that while his head might fit, that fat a– has no chance of making it down to the fireplace.
Anywayyyyy………..here it is, just a couple of days left and I’ve got a long way to go. So, with every shopasaurus (prehistoric animals who look like real people and only appear en masse to shop for Christmas) out on the streets and packed into the shopping malls like sardines, this guy is about to take advantage of a 3-day weekend and charge into the crowd, hell bent to get it all done in one day, …..or two, or…
Okay, the usual scenario is that the mall crowds are slowing beginning to thin out on Christmas Eve, the store start flashing their lights about fifteen minutes until closing time and I’m still in there, flinging clothes and trying to hit every department in desperation because there’s a few remaining names on the list that I haven’t bought anything for yet. It’s when the same guy that seems to be in every part of the store I’m in finally quits pretending that he’s shopping and directs me to the nearest exit, that’s when I realize he’s with store security and
my time is up!
I can picture it all now…..me, with a death grip on a rack of clothes and the sales clerks trying to drag me out of the store, so they can go home and spend Christmas Eve with their families. Not a pretty sight!!!
Or……..I could avoid all of that by slipping some money in with the Christmas cards I bought at the supermarket (ten for a dollar) and be done with it.
Nahhhhhhhhh! Not much fun doing that!! Hell, I’ve got a full tank of gas in the Jeep and hours to burn. Get outa my way! I’m headed for the mall!