Notes in the key of C

If you’ve ever gone to this little restaraunt in your town for some “fat, I mean fast..food”, you may have seen the sign on the wall that simply states, “Dave’s way”. At the nearest competitor’s place down the street, you can have it “your way” but I was pretty hungry while searching for someplace to stop for lunch and Dave’s place got the nod. As the lunch crowd line slowly meandered toward the order-taking lady behind the cash register, I looked up at the menu to see what my choices were for the combo meal. I chose the 1/2 pound double with medium drink and fries. I sat down with my order and started with the fries. Hmmmm…….hot and kinda fresh! But somehow they must have misunderstood me because the burger I unwrapped looked nothing like that picture directly above the words “1/2 pound double”. Somehow, those very thick, very juicy slabs of beef I saw on the menu bore no resemblance to the flat, limp, slivers of ground beef that stared up at me from my tray. I looked at the picture, then back again at what I had. Was it wishful thinking on my part to expect food that at least looked similar to the way it was pictured.
Was THIS what they meant by “Dave’s way”? What ever happened to “truth in advertising”? What they really should have on the menu is two different sets of illustrations, one under the heading, “What you can order” and the other being “what you’ll actually get”. I understand that there’s some shrinkage involved during the cooking process but it’s still deceptive by any standards when what you are served is at best a sorry excuse for a hamburger, flat, grisly and a far cry from what you saw advertised on the menu.
So, the next time YOU decide to dine at the restaraunt that has that girl with the pigtails smiling down at you, you might ask, “Hey, Dave, where’s the beef?”

Nowadays, if you’re applying for a job, and almost ANY job, you’re chances of being tested for DRUGS in your system are pretty damn good. Some of the smaller businesses don’t participate because squeezing the budget dollar is just a little more important and a lot less expensive than making each propective employee pass “the test”. The ones desperate to replace a departed employee with another warm body will settle for that person passing the “flashlight test” (shining the light in one ear and hope something blocks it on the way out the other ear) or the “walk-and-chew-gum-at-the-same-time-without-tripping” test.
Back in the day, so to speak, I would not have passed the drug test. At times, when I think about those days, I feel there’s a story there waiting to be told. Indeed, those are days gone by and left behind for good. What the heck was I thinking, getting high in the morning before going to work, finding ways to do it at work (via brownies with the “secret” ingredient, and after work. One tends to associate with others who enjoy the same pleasures and you lose focus on the other things in life that are really important, namely your health, family, finances, and future.
ANYWAYYYYY……I once worked for a large company, with branches across the U.S., and not only were you required to submit to pre-employment testing but also subsequent “random testing” while employed. Funny thing about that…….only those of us with hair just a little bit longer or seeming to have a little more relaxed, laid back attitude ended up being called up for “random” testing over and over again, as if the powers-that-be knew that sooner or later , one of us would fail the test. The squeaky clean, hair always trimmed folks somehow never got their names pulled out of the hat. Probably coincidence, huh?
In some ways, what seems to be socially acceptable or unacceptable is determined by what’s currently legal or illegal. Example: Go to work on a Monday and talk about going out Saturday night to a club or different clubs and getting “shit-faced” or fall-down drunk and it’s acceptable and entertaining. But if the “drug” of choice is marijuana, or coke or something else that’s illegal, it’s a whole different situation. Many companies have programs for their employees to help them recover from a problem with alcohol. Test positive for marijuana or something along those lines and you’re HISTORY…end of story. Hopefully, we make the right choices for the things that affect our own lives and leave others to do the same, without being judgemental. What should be legal or illegal?……that’s a WHOLE ‘nother story and a whole different argument.

Okay…you know that if I’m asking for rain, I don’t live in California. Aren’t they getting just a little selfish with all the rain they’ve been getting? Levees breaking, the grapes are drowning, highways flooded and closed, surf’s up. It kinda reminds of living in Washington state during the rainy season which compared to having huge buckets of water poured on your head for days with no end. Sometimes you just can’t wind. Yes, I mean wind. Remember, not too far back when I did not rain for a long period out there on the “left coast” and fires were popping up all over the place. Santa Ana winds + no rain= more fires than you can shake a hose at. Fast forward back to the present and about eighteen hundred miles east and you’d be close by, where we’re getting more than our share of fires to contend with. In California they’re saying “Damn rain!” and over here we’re saying, “Damn,RAIN, pleeeez!” Hey, we’ll even take some snow and ice but wouldn’t you know it…….beginning of the year when it’s supposed to be really cold and we’re looking at 60’s and 70’s outside, no snow, ice, OR rain, but lot’s of marshmallow and hotdog roasting activity going on. Oh,well…

That’s right! I said revolution, not resolution …and that’s what I meant. This is the year for revolting against the making of any resolution that probably won’t be kept. Come to think of it, I didn’t make any resolutions last year around this time. End of the year…..no guilt.
Okay…..so this time around I’m promising myself that I MIGHT, …YES…I said MIGHT.. do the following things:
1) Not eat at any McDonald’s restaraunt in this town until “happy meal” means healthy meal and someone else besides McDonald’s is getting “happy” everytime those “meals” are sold. The kids get fat, parents get out of cooking for their kids and “Ronald” laughs all the way to the bank.
2) Finish a painting job I started on the house several years ago. This has been on my “must-do” list so long that the ink’s starting to fade. I’m absolutely, positively going to give that project serious consideration, maybe.
3) Trim the dead branches on at least one of these elm trees out in the front yard, little by little until the only thing left to look at is the stump, at ground level. Just think of all the firewood I’ll have for next winter. And the hardest part of all this IF I do it, will be serving eviction notices to the squirrels and birds that reside in that tree. I continue to lose big branches every year so….maybe I’ll just wait another year or so. Let mother nature work on the tree a little more.
4) Choose my “adjectives” a little more carefully when someone or something pisses me off. Nooooooooo……that’ll never happen. Ever heard that phrase “talk like a sailor”? Well, I used to be a sailor but I’ll guarantee you that I was using “colorful” language long before and continue to use the same kind of language long after my association with Uncle Sam’s Navy came to an end. But not ALL the time.
5) Continue to write, say exactly what I feel like saying and try to make it at least a little entertaining for you, the reader. You know I started writing way, way back when I was in the fifth grade. Wow! That was a few presidents ago, my friend.
6) And FINALLY, secretly hypnotize my “better half” so she’ll a)automatically cook rice everytime she goes into the kitchen to prepare a meal, b) not bring home roasted chicken from the store and serve it for dinner and c) insist on washing and vacuuming her own car instead of asking me to do it. ( I could be pushing my luck on THIS one.)
So, what are YOU resolving to do differently this year…. for a few days anyway?