Notes in the key of C

   It’s her birthday today and by my best guess, her 54th year.  I write this because her birthday is one of those I still remember and it’s been about forty years ago and then some, since fate and family brought us together in the summer of ‘65.  She was the big sister, with two siblings, a brother and sister, spending the summer in “Paradise” with mom, (who was a friend of my oldest brother). 

   It was a summer like no other before, for this barefoot country boy and the girl from 1863 Appletree Lane in Mountain View, California.  I was captured by that smile and swallowed up by a feeling I had never experienced before.  We were just kids back then, clinging to every moment in a world where nothing else mattered but the time we could spend together.  The end of summer came too soon and the ride to the airport when summer ended and it was time for them to return to California,might just as well have been the last day of our lives because it seemed that way to us.

   Why is it that certain pages in one’s life remains fresh and certain people never forgotten, while so many others that have come and gone on roads I’ve traveled  fade away to a place where names are forgotten and faces disappear?  Truth be known, so much had happened since we met that summer, and as I recall, some memories good and some sad.  Highs and lows, an approximate fifteen year stretch where there was no communication between us, and then, BOOM, out of nowhere,  a letter (or was it a phone call from out of the blue)…….tell you the truth, I’m not sure which one it was.When the last page turned on us, it must have been raining and if it wasn’t, it should have been.  There were no tearful goodbyes only words of anger and pain.  It was MY fault. It was ALL my fault!  And the pain she must have felt upon realizing then that we could not go back to that summer on the beach and the magic we had shared must have felt like a knife in her heart.  Does time heal all wounds?

   I can only hope that this day will find her at peace, happy and celebrating with family and friends. To the girl from Appletree Lane,…….happy birthday.

    “A rolling stone gathers no moss.”  “Seek and ye shall find”.  “Leave no stone unturned”.  “Good things come to those who wait.”  Oops! I think that last one does not hold true for the situation I find myself in…..unemployed and searching.  I realize that if I chose to just wait, the most I can expect would be that temporary unemployment check which you serve to keep me somewhere between “head above water” and just below the surface and paddling like hell.

   I’ve wasted no time registering for work with the state employment service, filing for unemployment benefits  and beginning the process of submitting resumes, checking the classifieds, doing online searches and driving around town, filling out applications.  Not wanting to leave any door to possible employment unopened, I ventured into a staffing agency’s door, hoping to get more information about a job opening advertised in the Sunday paper.  I’m telling you…….the stack of paperwork I had to fill out and sign made me wonder if it really is worth it. Heck….I only wanted information.  However,…their policy….is they won’t tell you jack until the paperwork is done.  So I spent the next hour or two watching the video, taking the tests (no mistakes, thank you) filling out one form after another as if they had already hired me.  They’ve got do’s and don’ts and fees that get deducted IF you get hired and penalties for not performing up their expectations.  I answered questions and provided information that go far beyond what I thought would be important to determine my elgibility to work.  When all the i’s had been dotted, the t’s crossed and signatures entered, THEN I went in the room for the interview.

   “Sorry, one of the available positions have been filled and you don’t have the necessary experience for the other.  But we’ll keep your name and application on file. Call us once a week! Maybe we’ll have something for you next time. ” Crappola!!  They could have told me that over the phone and saved me the gas and time.

    Okay…okay!  I know the actual saying goes, “No pain, no gain!”  However, while that applies, my version of it seems more appropriate for my situation. So, I’ve lost my job.  It’s not that  being unemployed doesn’t cause a bit of concern that after that final check comes, that’s it.  I suppose that the anticipation of losing  the job was actually a more terrifying feeling than I experienced when it finally happened. No surprise, really since it was obviously on their agenda to eliminate ‘one of the highest paid” employees on the staff. Some of the logic involves their belief that when the dollars are rolling in, all is right with the world. But when the figures are down, hmmmm, somebody must not be doing their job.I call it keeping your focus so intently on that bottom line, that you can’t see the BIG picture.

Oh, well, no point in dwelling on that anymore. It’s “water under the bridge”, as they say.  Anyhoooooo, after they finally pulled the trigger, I wasted no time.  First on my agenda was an update of my resume. Within hours of my termination, that resume was on it’s way to several businesses in town that I thought might be able to appreciate what I had to offer, not only in experience, but also in attitude and work ethics.  This was no time to hang my head in sorrow. A load had been lifted and I felt clarity about other doors that might now open for me. There’s no dark cloud, no impending doom.  Maybe I’ll try to continue doing the same kind of work that I’ve enjoyed for over twenty years. Or maybe it was time to step out of my comfort zone and explore new horizons.  Sky’s the limit for me so I’m reaching out and looking up!  There’s a better job in a less combative environment waiting for me out there.  I will find it!

     Well, the much anticipated termination came today and I feel relief and anxiety which I must say feels a hell of lot better than loss of sleep and appetite and the ocassional chest pains that came only during those days when work politics pressure bore down on my peace of mind.  Indeed, their plan of delegating responsibility for much of what has to be done has been very effective.  Never mind the fact that there’s not enough hours in the work day to do all that needs to be done.  Just passing the buck away from yourself gives you someone else to blame. That way you get all the power and prestige and none of the ultimate responsibility.  Basic Management 101, I call it. If you want to be a manager, you must know how to “deflect the blame” to someone  below your lofty perch. “Well, I told him to get it done!”, they’ll say.  When your “plate” is full, they pile more on it.  And if it’s not done……you shall be written up.  One strike, two strike, three strikes, ….you’re out!  Say anything besides “yes, sir…yes, ma’am” and that’s insubordination.  Mindless robots wanted.Must be completely subservient and not have an opinion of any kind.  “I’m so very SORRY, ma’am.  How could I have NOT noticed that “chip on my shoulder” that you say I’ve been walking around with?”

     The “lords of wisdom” (managers) know better than to challenge the king or mention something that will surely incur his wrath and cause him to roar is such a way that all around him will cower in fear.  Soothe and cheer him with news that business is good and the dollars continue to roll in but if confronted with issues that mean “money going out”, HOLD YOUR TONGUE!!!!  Don’t bring it up! Don’t mention it!

     I submit for your consideration the following:  Company vehicle……weekly out-of-town-trip (approximately 400 miles, roundtrip), transportation of hazardous materials, tires worn beyond the point of being safe to run on.  I was driving that vehicle and making that weekly run.  Repeated requests for approval to correct this situation fell on deaf ears. Concerns about my personal safety and the safety of innocent bystanders if this vehicle became involved in an accident while transporting hazardous material drew this response, “We’re going to hold off on that for now.” My report that the worn tires caused a near-accident already while driving on slick, wet roads STILL did not convince the powers-that-be that something needed to be done. I looked deep into the eyes of those who “steer the boat” and ask myself, “Is there anybody in there???” Take a chance. Risk a life (or lives).  But don’t you DARE press the issue of new tires because, hey, no accident…..no foul.  And if it’s going to mean a few hundred dollar to replace two or three tires, keep it under your hat for as long as you can.  Money’s tight and the risk is justified. I DON’T THINK SO! Not MY life and not the life of the unsuspecting travelers on the highway.

     So let this be the final chapter in the story of my struggle to work in peace, and the fruitless search for logical thinking and common sense in the halls of mahogany, near the room at the top.

     Have heard the old saying, “….the straw that broke the camel’s back”? Well, another straw was added to the camel’s load, his legs appear to be ready to buckle and just one itsy-bitsy straw more oughta do it. And…what does all this mean?

Well, the great powers-that-be, those “lords of wisdom” slammed another nail in my employment coffin today in the form of my third and final write-up.  It seems by their claims that I’ve been doing some serious boat-rocking lately and I’m so very close to getting shown the way to the exit door as punishment for “walking around with a chip on my shoulder” and being “insubordinate”. Apparently every one of my responses to their questions, requests, or “directives” are chocked full of disrespect, defiance, etc., etc., etc. “YOU WILL RESPECT ME!!!!” she said. “Yeah, and YOU can kiss my big, brown …, I thought to myself.

    Check this out! Can we speak our mind?…..Well, I think the Constitution refers to that as “freedom of speech”.  However, the company’s ”lords of wisdom, and power”must define speaking your mind as insubordination. And that’s meeeeeeeee…..Mr. Insubordination! Me no can think. Me no have brain. Me cannot have no opinion. Me must do what told without question.  I DON’T FREAKING THINK SO, BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

     Sooooooooo…….the showdown looms on the near horizon and the prospects of keeping this job slips  slowly out of my grasp.  On your knees, you peasant and surrender yourself, your mind, your spirit and learn to love the cracking of the whip across your back.   Or wait for the bell….and come out swinging. 

     Did the bell ring yet?