Apotheosis

When Claudius arrives in Hell, he is given a warmer reception than the one he got in Heaven, and that’s not just a figure of speech. Hell, for all intents and purposes, is the hottest place Claudius has ever experienced. Nothing he’s ever felt anywhere else in the After had so much fire. But there is a definite coldness in Hell as well. While one’s external shade experiences the heat of Hell, one’s heart experiences its coldness, that damp desolateness of being alone, forever, without anyone else to comfort you. That is the nature of Hell, and Claudius wonders why so many mortals subject themselves to it.

Hell is not a real creation of God. As God and Heaven are figments, albeit extremely powerful figments, of the collective mortal imagination, so is Hell and its minions. Claudius sees very little difference between the two. Heaven is meant to be a reward for good behavior, as in, follow everything I say and I’ll give you eternal life. Hell is the place bad people go to, except Claudius knows that every shade sequestered in Hell is there by choice. Unwitting choice.

However alike Heaven and Hell are, there is one dramatic difference between the two: their personnel. While God didn’t even grant an audience to poor Claudius, Lucifer bursts through the gates of Hell and welcomes Claudius with open arms. Far from his many depictions over the millenia, Lucifer does not appear as a horned demon with goat legs. This was a creation of the Church, who wished to break away from the pagan past of the ancient Romans. They latched onto the image of Dionysus, the god of wine, drunkenness, and revelry. They turned the image of the satyr into the familiar image of Satan. Lucifer, a fallen angel, still retains the ethereal beauty all angels are bestowed with. The only difference is the wings. Lucifer’s wings are no long the gossamer-light color of unfallen angels. His wings are stained black with millenia of sins cast on him from the mortal shades who arrive in Hell to be punished.

“Claudius!” Lucifer exclaims. “I know why you’re here and the answer is, undeniably, no.” He offers a winning grin, the sort of grin given by beuaty pageant contestants, wide and completely insincere. “I am in deep regret. Why didn’t you bring Harry with you?”

“Harry is in training with Eve. Why in the world am I telling you this? What do you want with Harry, anyhow?” Claudius frowns his greatest I’m-an-emperor frown. He looks quite displeased, or it just might be gas. But then again, Claudius doesn’t have a stomach, esophagus, or the capacity to get heartburn.

“I just wanted to see him. You know, thank him, is all.” Lucifer starts to look at the nails at the ends of his fingers. A meticulous look crosses over his face and he opens up his palm. A second later, an emery board appears in his hand. He begins grooming his cuticles. “Perhaps even get his autograph?”

“Thank him?” Claudius is flabbergasted. “Get his autograph? What sort of nonsense is that?”

“Well, he does give me a boost of power now an then,” Lucifer smiles. “Oh, don’t look so shocked, Claudius. You know as well as I do the power that boy has over those self-righteous windbags who compare his silly little books with Satanism. You of all people should know, every time a Harry Potter book is burned or mutilated, every time he is accused of teaching witchcraft to children, I get a slight boost? They draw attention to me, you see? I know its not intentional, but I get a certain amount of satusfaction from knowing my Theo power comes from those misguided mortals. Silly, isn’t it? They’re giving power to the one thing they hate the most.”

Claudius fights the urge to strangle Lucifer on the spot. He tries to tell himself that it isn’t worth the effort to get angry. “Alright, why are you saying no to me?”

“I’m going to be completely honest with you.”

“You mean, for a change?” Claudius scowls.

“Ha-ha. Anyhow, I’m tired. I’m tired of all this. Being prince of the underworld, trying to come up with more and more elaborate punishments, and all because of a few stupid mortals who can’t seem to get the idea that they have a choice. It wasn’t enough that they isolate themselves from the memory web. These mad things,” Lucifer points to a few shades who are eternally boiling in hot oil, “want to be punished. They all believe that this is the best place for them. In their hearts, they know they’re going to Hell, so when they get down here, they’re not surprised at all. I’m tired of punishing them. Do you think I enjoy it? I’m an angel. I was taught to love these stupid creatures.”

“Until you led a rebellion and was cast out of Heaven,” mumbles Claudius.

“It wasn’t my choice! It was the mortals, always the bloody mortals! They knew they had to create a nemesis for God. There can’t be complete good without complete evil, so they made me into the scapegoat. Evil Lucifer who was cast out of Heaven. Evil Lucifer who had a choice and chose wrong.” Lucifer’s wings are starting to flail, flinging bits of the gunk of sins all over the place. “I hate this existence, but they,” he points a sharp finger at the shades in the oil, “they made me this way, just as they made themselves receive their punishments. If only they can find the capacity to love again, they’d be free. But they don’t realize that. They don’t realize anything. This isn’t divine judgement, Claudius, it’s self-torture.”

“Do you pity them?”

“At times I do, but then I remember that I am here doing this to them because they want me to.” Lucifer scoops up lava from a nearbly pool with his bare hands. They don’t burn, and the angel doesn’t even flinch. He pours the lava over the heads of two shades. They scream in pain and writhe with such agony that Claudius has to look away. Lucifer, however, is staring into the shades’ faces. Their faces are pulled into permanent masks of absolute terror. “Mad things. They see me as the Great Horned Creature. They are so blinded by their own beliefs that they cannot see me as I really am, as an angel. So you see why I don’t care if your infamous Theos manage to destroy the whole of existence. Anything will be better than doing this for the rest of eternity.”

Claudius gapes at Lucifer.

“Nothing to say?” Lucifer sighs, shaking off the excess lava from his hands. “I don’t blame you. This isn’t Hell for nothing, Claudius. I’m sorry I can’t do anything to help you. I just can’t take this anymore. Please leave. I’m asking you nicely right now to leave.”

“But...”

“Claudius, please leave. I have to do something, and judging by your reaction to what I’ve done to these shades so far, you won’t like what I have to do. Not one bit. So I suggest you leave before you see something so horrible you won’t be able to wipe it from your memory, even though you’d want to. There’s a node to your left. It will take you back Home. It doesn’t work for me, but it will probably work for you. Please, just go.”

Claudius steps slowly towards the node and then vanishes, traveling on his way back Home. He never finds out what Lucifer does after he leaves, and Claudius always hopes he never does.

***

When Claudius arrives back Home, he is greeted by the sight of a completely naked Harry Potter transforming himself into vairous things without the aid of a wand. At this very moment, Claudius is wondering what Harry’s many legions of fans wought think about seeing their hero without any clothes on. He regrets to think that perhaps, just perhaps, most of them would probably enjoy the image a little too much. He decides not to take a photograph and tactfully shields his eyes. “Still training, are you?” It is a useless uestion, but one that Claudius feels he must ask. Anything is better than seeing that image again. Claudius wonders if he should have stayed in Hell and watched Lucifer instead.

With a pop, Harry turns into a mirror image of Claudius. Eve applauds hearily.

“Good, good,” Eve nods. “You’ve got full control of your powers. Self-transformation is quite difficult, and only a handful of Theos can do it. I suspect you’ve got enough power in you to keep that image up for as long as you like.”

Harry/claudius grins and nods, and then pops back into his original form. After a moment, he decides to pop some clothes on as well. T-shirt and jeans. Nothing like his stodgy Hogwarts uniform.

“I’ve never had such a quick study,” Eve says. “Claudius, you can uncover your eyes now. He’s decent.” She gives Harry a wink. “It must be all that Theo power running through you.”

“Yeah,” Harry agrees. “I can feel it now. Every time someone reads the books, says my name, writes a story. I can feel it. It’s sort of like someone shoving something down my back.”

“You’re the most powerful fictional Theo in the After,” Claudius says, uncovering his eyes and hurrying towards the training pair.

“How was your mission?” Eve asks.

“Unsuccessful,” Claudius answers. “God didn’t even grant me an audience, and Lucifer, well, he wants it all to end. He’s tired of his existence so he’s welcoming anything that destroys the After.” He tactfully leaves out the fact that Lucifer wanted Harry’s autograph.

“I see, then we’ve got one last chance before the Slouchers get to Bethlehem,” Eve says. “If we can track one of these infamous Theos down, we can probably try and get some information.”

“Right, Harry, you’re coming with me.” Claudius beckons the young man to follow.

“Where are we going?” Harry asks. He looks back towards Eve to gain her approval to leave before making his way towards Claudius.

“I know a few of these infamous Theos, personally. Perhaps I can get them to talk.” Claudius starts to walk quickly, making sure Harry is following.

“Oh, Claudius, you don’t think,” Eve is quickly shaking her head. “You can’t. You know you risk becoming an infamous Theo yourself if you associate too long with them.”

“I’ll be careful, and I’ll have Harry with me as backup.” Claudius manages a grin, a rather uninspiring grin, but a grin nonetheless.

“Good luck,” Eve sighs. She gives Harry a long hug. “You know how I had interfering in human affairs, but this is too large for me to leave myself out. I’ll see what I can do as well.”

“Thank you,” Claudius replies. “Come on, Harry.”

Harry nods. “You still haven’t told me where we’re going.”

“Every Theo can feel the connections he or she has made in the web. I’m sure you can feel the tugs and pulls yourself.” Claudius is actively trying to pull at something just above his heart, like an invisible string. “Usually an infamous Theo has those connections broken, but sometimes, a normal Theo can open those connections up again. It’s dangerous, but I don’t think we can play it safe at this point.”

Harry nods but says nothing. Instead, he’s watching Claudius do a strange mime routine. Claudius appears to be grabbing at a large invisible wire and tugging at it with both hands.

“This is my connection with Nero,” Claudius says, plucking the invisible string. “It will lead me, lead us, to him, but once that connection opens, I’ll be in great danger. Nothing will happen to you since you aren’t connected to him in any way, but I hope you’re strong enough to pull me out if I get entangled. Take hold of it, Harry. Go on.”

Harry reaches an unsteady hand towards the area when Claudius’ hands are, and he does feel a thin piece of wire. “What do we do now?”

“We follow it, ride it,” Claudius says. “Hang on, Harry.”

Both of them are suddenly yanked forward by an invisible force. Harry’s gaping at Claudius, his hair sweeping back to reveal the tell-tale scar.

“Nero’s sensed that we’re trying to find him. He’s calling us to him!” Claudius explains through the rush of wind. “Hang on, and be careful!”

Harry gulps and nods as they both speed off away from Home. Eve watches from below, hoping that everything will come out right in the end.

Posted by Michelle at November 16, 2002 8:45 AM