A Day with Anna Nicole
Move over Ozzy Osbourne, Anna Nicole Smith is moving into the neighborhood. The former Playmate turned oil-tycoon will star in her own weekly half-hour reality series on the E! Network beginning this summer. “I can’t wait,” Smith said in a statement. “People won’t be able to stop watching once they tune in. My life is a roller coaster, so hold on and enjoy
the ride!”
Yeah right. How much of a roller coaster life can one have with $88 million in the bank? Although the series is not yet in production, here is what might be seen on a typical episode:
11:24 am Wakes up early.
11:27 am Drinks a cup of coffee, has a smoke, and reads Ziggy.
11:40 am Bubble bath with extra Mr. Bubble.
12:45 pm Yells at Kim (the personal assistant) for cutting off all the fat from the pork-chop sandwiches.
1:10 pm Poses in the mirror; pretends to be Marilyn Monroe.
1:40 pm Colors black roots.
4:30 pm Wonders aloud if friends would like her if she didn’t have $88 million.
4:31 pm Blogs. Reads e-mail.
5:00 pm Makes random prank phone calls to strangers.
5:30 pm Eats the middles out of all the Oreo Cookies.
7:00 pm Has dinner at neighborhood Sizzler’s.
8:42 pm Laughs out loud. Just caught on to the Ziggy joke.
9:00 pm Watches Law & Order.
9:32 pm Pizza delivery arrives. Flirts with pizza-guy.
10:40 pm Phones National Enquirer to inform them that in 30 minutes she will be checking her mail.
11:17 pm Checks mail. Provides stunned look for photographers.
11:48 pm Admires collection of belly-button-lint.
12:03 am Watches Conan O’Brien.
12:39 am Pinches self.
12:42 am Bedtime.