Esoteric Bowl

You wake from a night of restless sleep with a sharp pain in your ear. You are unsure what is the cause of this pain and you don’t know what to do to relieve the discomfort.

A Physician: says that you have an ear infection, and writes a prescription for ear drops.
A Psychic: tells you that someone close to your heart has recently been speaking ill of you.
A Coworker: spreads a rumor around the office that you are faking once again.
A Priest: asks why you haven’t been to confession, and tells you to say ten Hail Mary’s.
Oprah: doesn’t know what the cause is, but knows that someone is to blame.
The Republican National Committee: blames Bill Clinton. After all, everything else is his fault.
The Television Media: says this is a tragic trend which may lead to cancer, death, or even worse.
Your Significant Other: wasn’t listening, and did not hear what you said.
Your Father: points out that if you didn’t listen to that music so loudly, you wouldn’t have this problem.
Your Ex: says you have it coming.
A Feng Shui Practitioner: suggests that your home may need a compass reading.
A Psychologist: suggests that your illness may be stress-related.
Your Mother: asks to look at your ear, then makes something for you to eat.
Your Brother: offers to look at your ear, then pulls on your earlobe and laughs.
Cosmopolitan Magazine: suggests that ear problems are related to being overweight.
An Online Buddy: tells you a grueling and dramatic story about an earache they once had.
Your Child: doesn’t know why your ear hurts, but is glad to find the toy left underneath your pillow.
The Health Store Clerk: questions whether you have been eating meat again, and suggests more bran in your diet.
The Fitness Trainer: tells you to shake it off and to take a lap.
A False Friend: asks whether this means you won’t be going out on Friday night as promised.
Your Best Friend: hopes you will feel better, and tells you to call if you need anything.

When I was in elementary school, my first grade teacher used to have me massage her neck and back while she sat at her desk. It never occurred to me that giving her a massage might be viewed as wrong. I know none of my classmates considered it wrong either, for if they had, there undoubtedly would have been at least one informer in the group more than willing to tattle.

There were other students that offered to give the teacher a massage, but I remember her once declining an offer by saying that my hands were gifted. For impressionable young me, hearing that was like receiving a gold star sticker and a happy face stamp all in one. But I really didn’t need much incentive to want to give her a good massage, for she would generally call upon me while the class was busy with a math lesson. I would have been enthusiastic about anything that would have allowed me out of math. But her words did provide a little motivation to want to do well, after all, she considered these hands gifted. I didn’t know or care what that meant, but I knew that it must be something good because it had the word gift in it, and gifts are good.

Although my missing the math lessons would eventually come back to haunt me in future grade levels, I always felt like I learned something of value in giving those massages. It was my first discovery of learning about the power of touch. I had never given a massage before this time, so it was all (pardon the pun) a hands on experience. I learned that there was a fine line between gentleness and firmness, and both could bring pleasure. I remember as I cupped my hand around the back of her neck, her head would fall forward, eyes closed, and a soft crooked smile would come to her face. She showed me a place on her lower back, and said that all women like to be massaged there because long ago their tails had fallen off. I would eventually learn this was only a joke, but I remember at the time being quite confused. In later years, a friend would explain that it wasn’t because of a tail falling off, but rather it was due to the accumulation of centuries of men being a pain in the ass.

Living in a college town, there are certain indicators which point to another semester coming to a close:

* Familiar faces disappear.
* Crowded university campus takes on the look of a community college.
* Help Wanted signs appear in the windows of nearby restaurants and shops.
* Parking becomes less of a problem.
* Garage/yard/sidewalk sales.
* Influx of reading material at used book stores.
* Apartment buildings with For Rent signs.
* Bars and nightclubs adjust hours of operation.

stopped by my local Burger King to satisfy a craving for french-fries. I asked for a small order of french-fries to go. The counter person spoke into her microphone with the following order;

“One medium french-fries to go.”
“No, a small order of fries,” I reminded her.
“Yeah, a medium is the small,” she pointed out.

How can this be? If a medium is the smallest they have available, then doesn’t that make it a small?

Words & Phrases Overused By News-Channels:

* Crisis
* Tragic
* Scandal
* Conflict
* Terror
* Controversial
* Unrest
* Stand Off
* Death Toll
* Let Us Know What You Think

There are times
when some of the most cherished and
special aspects of ourselves
can perish
long before our physical deaths occur.

Have you been following the Michael Skakel case? Me either. But I do find his defense arguement somewhat interesting. According to Mr. Skakel and his lawyers, it seems that 27 years ago a young Michael was masturbating in a tree at the time Martha Moxley was bludgeoned to death with a golf club. While tree climbing is a part of life for almost every child, and masturbation is a popular hobby, I have never heard of combining the two.