Esoteric Bowl

Usually people will claim they are cat people or dog people. Although there are some that like/dislike both animals equally, most do have a preference for one or the other. Whenever my family had pets, it was usually a dog. We liked dogs, and I had always considered myself a dog person. Dogs are generally playful and extremely loyal. They are also durable, which is an important factor for a family with three growing rascal boys.

There were periods where we had other pets. I remember our having two guinea pigs for a while, and I had a little turtle for about a week or so until I came home one day to discover he had flipped over onto his back. Not a good thing for turtles.

I once had a bird in my early adult years. She flew and landed on my shoe while some friends and I were hanging-out at the park, so I decided to take her home and care for her. She was a nice bird, but she was kind of possessive and had jealousy issues. One day she decided to fly away for good, and I never saw or heard from her again, not even a postcard or phone call.

In more recent years, I had a fresh water aquarium. I liked the aquarium. Fish are enjoyable and don’t require much attention. I found it relaxing to sit in the dark of the night with the aquarium-light on, watching the colorful fish do their thing. Then one by one the fish began to be missing. By the time I figured out which fish was eating the others, their number had been depleated.

In the last year, I have found that I enjoy cats more and more. This is something new for me. I never had a dislike for cats, but I didn’t appreciate them as I do now. Although I don’t have a cat of my own, the daily moments I spend with Kitty the stray, has shown me what cat people have known all along. Cats can be just as loving and loyal as dogs, but they are often much more subtle. Cats can often speak volumes with their eyes.

So have I recently switched teams and become a cat person? I’m not sure if I have or not. But I don’t consider it such a bad thing as I once might have. I don’t think I would ever be one of those people that have fifty cats in the house, but it would be nice to have one cat of my own.

Perhaps it all started as far back as prehistoric times when that first person began scribbling something on the walls of a cave. The cave person found it fun to rub a stick or rock against another surface and to create something unique. Excited by what had been created, the caveperson called the others to show them what had been done. The cave dwellers admired the doodle and grunted in approval. Thereafter, others would also try their hand at this new form of self-expression. It was fun. It was good.

As fun and joyous as this new process of creating was, the cave person soon discovered that there was this inner desire for others to see what had been created. A warm ugh of approval went a long way. And even if others didn’t particularly like what was created, any form of feedback provided some sense of joy.

The creative cave dweller would eventually learn that some of the others weren’t interested in viewing the artistic creations. Although this reality was somewhat disappointing for the cave artist, it was something that could easily be accepted. After all, there were many caves and several others were now expressing themselves too, so one could not possibly see all of the new creations.

The cave artist took some satisfaction in seeing the few fresh footprints in the dirt of the cave, for this was a sign that some had come to view the artistic stylings. And while this provided some sense of joy, the cave artist would often wonder why so little feedback was left behind. This was cause for frustration from time to time, but eventually the cave artist would learn that this is the way things were. And while that inner desire for others to see what was being created never completely went away, nor the wanting of comments and feedback, the artist could always rely on the joys that were received from the creative process itself.

Every once in a while it’s a good idea to take stock of oneself and to delve into one of those online questionnaires with the one-hundred questions that helps to provide insight into who we are. This is not one of those questionnaires. This is one-hundred dumb questions
with an equal amount of dumb answers.

1. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie.
2. Have you ever worn bell-bottoms? Oh course, I’m a child of the 70’s.
3. Have you ever written a song? No.
4. Can you make change for a dollar right now? Yes. Pennies count, right?
5. Have you ever been in the opposite sex’s public toilet? Yes.
6. Have you ever smelled your own feet? Not purposely.
7. Do you like ketchup on or beside your french fries? Put it on the side.
8. Can you touch your tongue to your nose? Yes. I would rather use it for other purposes.
9. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout? No. But I had a friend that was a girl boy scout.
10. Have you ever broken a mirror? Hey, do I look that ugly?
11. Have you ever put your tongue on a frozen pole? Frozen? no. But she was a liitle cold.
12. What is your biggest pet peeve? The phrase pet peeve.
13. Do you slurp your drink after its gone? If it is gone, how would I slurp it?
14. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk? No.
15. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper? I would rather stick a finger in my eye.
16. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? Yes. But I wasn’t all that skinny.
17. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic? I don’t ask. They always ask me.
18. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza. False.
19. Did you have a baby blanket? I can only assume.
20. Have you ever tried to cut your own hair? Yes.
21. Have you ever sleepwalked? As far as I know, no.
22. Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds? That’s just sad.
23. Can you flip your eye-lids up? And I would do this, why?
24. Are you double jointed? Not that I know of.
25. If you could be any age, what age would you be? Young enough to know everything.
26. Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair? No. I can’t blow bubbles that big.
27. Have you ever thrown-up after a roller coaster ride? Yes.
28. What is your dream car? Jaguar. But I don’t usually dream of cars.
29. What is your favorite cartoon of all time? Daffy Duck.
30. Would you go swimming in shallow waters where, one year earlier, a shark had attacked a child? Yes.
32. Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit? No. They call them dog biscuits for a reason.
33. If you were in a car sinking in a lake, which would you do first? Get out of the car.
34. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes. But they never let me drive.
35. Can you pick something up with your toes? I generally use my hands.
36. How many remote controls do you have in your house? One.
37. Have you ever fallen asleep in school? Yes, I did once for four years.
38. How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year? None.
39. How many foreign countries have you visited? Far less than I would like.
40. If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal? What do you mean if I were out of shape?
41. Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy? I’ve done poor and happy. I think I would like to give rich and unhappy a try.
42. If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float? If I fell into quicksand, I would see it as fate and enjoy the moment.
44. Do you ask for directions when you are lost? Sometimes.
45. Have you ever had a Mexican jumping bean? No.
46. Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland? Definately Alice.
47. Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points? It is easier to sharpen a crayon than it is to catch an ant.
48. Do you prefer light or dark bread? I’ll have the dark.
49. Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs? Depends on what I’m eating with them.
50. Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas? Yes.
51. Do you talk in your sleep? I’ve been told I do.
52. Would you rather shovel snow or mow the lawn? Mow.
53. Would you rather be bitten by a poisonous snake or constricted by a python? Bitten. I prefer bouts with pain to be quick.
54. Have you ever played in the rain? Yes, of course.
55. Which do you think is more dangerous: an angry bear or a hungry white shark? I avoid both equally.
56. Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten? Maybe. Depends on how high is very high.
57. Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? Yes. One of them makes better shoes.
58. Do you drink pepsi or coke? Coke.
59. Whats your favorite number? I don’t really have one.
60. If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car? Sports Car. I don’t why, but it sounds good.
61. Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel? No, not accidentally.
62. Would you blow your nose at the dinner table? No.
63. Have you ever slipped in the bathtub? Slipped, but never fell.
64. Do you use regular or deodorant soap? Regular soap.
65. Have you ever locked yourself out of the house? Yes.
66. Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons voices? Simpson voice. Doh!
67. If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be? Julia Roberts. She seems fun.
68. Have you ever gotten a truck driver to honk his horn? Yes.
69. Which would you rather live with: a huge nose or crossed eyes? I prefer to live on my own. Roomates are such a hassle.
70. Would you hang out with someone your best friend didnt like? I suppose.
71. Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn’t like? Why would I hang out with someone that I didn’t like?
72. Have you ever returned a gift? No.
73. Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you? Sure.
74. If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be? Syncronized Sleeping.
75. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Do bunny slippers count?
76. If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her? My grandmothers have passed, so if one of them gave me a gift, I certainly wouldn’t be tell them it is something that I already have.
77. Do you sing in the car? No.
78. Would you rather jump into a dumpster or into a vat of honey? I’ll get back to you on this one.
79. What is your favorite breed of dog? The kind that is potty-trained.
80. Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter? I’m usually strapped for cash in the winter because of the holidays. Ask me in the Spring.
81. If you were a bicycle, would you be a stingray or a mountain bike? Stingray. I prefer level ground instead of peaks and valleys.
82. What is your least favorite fruit? Bananas.
83. What kind of fruit have you never had? Dunno.
84. If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick? The Complete Kitchen.
85. What brand sports apparel do you wear the most? I don’t.
86. Are/were you a good student? That depends on the definition of ‘good student’.
87. Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat? Bobbie.
88. If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in? Navy.
89. Would you ever parachute out of a plane? Only if my life depended on it.
90. What do you think is your best feature? Compassion.
91. If you were to win a grammy, what kind of music would it be for? Rock-n-Roll.
92. What is your favorite season? Winter.
93. How many members do you have in your immediate family? Five.
94. Which of the five senses is most important to you? I will say, touch.
95. Would you be a more successful painter or singer? I couln’t make a living on either. But if I could be talented in one of them, I would rather be a successful painter.
97. How many years will/did you end up going to college? Ask me when I’m old. At this point, who knows.
98. Have you ever had surgery? Yes.
99. Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player? Neither.
100. What do you like to collect? My thoughts.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you think that you behave one way and then you catch yourself behaving another? I recently had such a moment and it surprised me to learn that I behave in such a way.

You see, for the past several months I’ve been feeding the stray orange cat that hangs-out on the property. Each day when I check the mail, the cat comes running towards me from one area or another as if she has been waiting for me. She looks up towards me and meows while she does a slow prance and rub around my ankles. I’m sure she only does this because she knows I feed her, but it’s nice to be recognized and greeted even if it is by a stray cat that has food on her mind.

As I walk around the building towards the door, she walks a foot or two ahead of me and occasionally glances back as if to make sure I am there. Sometimes she suddenly stops, which means that I sometimes accidentally kick her in my walk. She looks up at me as if it’s my fault, and I look down to blame her in return. We both seem to write it off as incidental contact and continue towards the door.

As I prepare the food in her bowl, she patiently waits with two paws on the stoop and watches my every movement. It is during this time that we often have brief conversations. I talk to her lovingly and often refer to her with cute names of affection as one would use to spoil a young child. I admit that it wasn’t very original when I began referring to her as Kitty, but the name seemed to fit and she didn’t appear to object.

A few days ago a neighbor and I were sharing small-talk when he commented on how Kitty had a good friend. When I responded by saying something about how she was a good cat, the neighbor politely pointed out that Kitty was a male cat. Admittedly, I don’t know much about cats, but I just assumed that no testicles meant female. The neighbor then pointed to the small triangular-shaped tip missing from Kitty’s ear, informing me that it is part of the procedure done by the Humane Society after a cat has been neutered. I guess after being neutered, a tip of an ear doesn’t seem like much.

Shortly after learning that Kitty is actually a boy, I noticed that I was speaking differently to him. I’m still feeding him like before, but the sweet names of affection have been replaced with more masculine names and my tone of voice is different as if it were two guys hanging-out together. Kitty doesn’t seem to mind either way, but my change in attitude and tone towards him surprised me. I wonder what this means and what it says about who I am. And I wonder if this same tone and attitude change transfers over to my relationships with those of the human species.

It’s an obvious fact, but it still amazes me that my parents have been together for more years than I have been alive. Their commitment to each other throughout the years has been incredible. Their bond is even more amazing when one considers that they lived in a time and place where divorce became less of a social taboo and increasingly gained social acceptance.

The night they first met, he told her that she would one day marry him. She told him he was drunk. He was right, and she probably was too. But through the hopes and dreams, the careers, the kids, the homes, the bills, the little disasters, and the tears and laughter, they have remained one.

They are both retired now. They have a beautiful home in Southern California. They remain available to their children and grandchildren in every possible way. He builds ships and is still the funniest person I have ever known. And she continues to express herself creatively in everything she does while remaining the gentlest soul I have ever met.

I find a certain joy in knowing that I learned more about love by watching them and through them, than any other experience of my life. There is also a specialness in knowing that I am the direct result of this wonderous love they share for each other. Their love is the kind of love that is sometimes mentioned in fairytales. In magical tales where a love between two people has no end, but rather continues on happily everafter.

The White House continues to provide a reason du jour for bombing Iraq. The United Nations Security Council continues to quibble about what should be done if Iraq doesn’t abide by proposed inspection resolutions. Russian and French governments seek guarantees for their oil investments in Iraq. A delegation of Iraqi officials visited Moscow to appeal to business people and officials to resist any pressure from the United States and Britain.

United States Special Forces are now heading to the jungle of Columbia for a $94 million counterinsurgency program to protect the 500-mile pipeline, which transports 100,000 barrels of oil a day for Occidental Petroleum of Los Angeles.

Just because governments choose to play charades and pretend that ‘the war on terror’ has nothing to do with oil, it certainly doesn’t mean that we have to play along too, does it?