Esoteric Bowl

Seeing how we are bound to hear a lot about Iraq for a while, I thought it would be important to look at the map of Iraq and study it’s geography. Although the city names in Iraq are quite different than what most of us are accustomed to, I’m sure there are meanings behind them. Here is a short list of possible definitions.

* Baghdad: The largest of three bags available for the grocer to pack groceries. Other sizes include the baghmom and baghbaby.

* An Nasiriyah: A type of flu with symptoms of nausea and diarrhea.

* Samarra: The day following Saday.

* Sinjar: A kind of donation plate, but used with a mayonaise jar. Often passed around in church for those with sin to make financial offerings.

* Mandali: A term given for inflatable dolls.

* Umm Qasr: An initial response often expressed when someone smells fresh baked qasr.

* Tikrit: A collar worn by dogs and cats to rid them of ticks.

* Ar Ramadi: A brief expression of unity for community ramadi. The phrase comes from the quote, Not my ramadi, not your ramadi, but our ramadi.

* Bayji: Former stunt-double for the loveable scruffy dog, Benji.

* Al Hillah: One heck of a big hill. Smaller than a mountain, bigger than a molehill.

There are many advantages of living so close to the University of Hawaii. Not only is it a beautiful park-like campus, but there’s always a conference or seminar, a free concert, various sporting events, art exibits, theatrical plays, and a number of other events to attend.

Yesterday I walked over to the Les Murakami Stadium on campus and watched the University of Hawaii Rainbow baseball team play in their annual Easter Tournament. While I was somewhat disappointed that I had forgotten to bring my camera, it was great to be at the stadium amongst the crowd.

There is always something soothing about being at the ballpark. While football and basketball may be more appealing to watch on television, nothing beats an afternoon at the stadium watching a baseball game. All the senses are uniquely treated in ways that only attending a baseball game can offer. Those that say the game moves too slow are missing the point. There is always something unfolding, whether it be on the field or in the stands.

Oh by the way, the Rainbows won!

I went to the Hospital yesterday for my long awaited appointment. After being examined by a doctor, a urology specialist, and having an ultrasound performed, it has been concluded that what I have is probably not cancerous. The doctors wouldn’t rule out cancer altogether, but they say that it looks good at this point, and they want to do another ultrasound in three months to see if there is any change.

While I am extremely happy about the news, I did inform the doctor that the nurse I talked with on the phone had told me I had cancer. To say that he was pissed-off would be an understatement. I told him that I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble, but I could have done without the necessary worry.

But despite the misinformation, I’m happy that things are not as dire as I thought they might have been, and hopefully things will improve by the time of my next visit. Thanks to all for the positive thoughts and prayers.

Whether Saddam Hussein leaves on his own or is removed by force, it’s apparent that Iraq will soon be in need of a new leader. While it may take some time for the eventual leader to be decided upon, here is my own list of nine possible candidates to fill the vacancy:

* James Gandolfini: Considering his contract woes with HBO, the Sopranos’ star may soon be looking for employment. Despite all his faults, Tony Soprano does have leadership qualities.

* Oprah Winfrey: Doesn’t she rule most of the world already? Certainly her can do attitude would get things done. Besides, she could bring Dr. Phil with her to help people cope through the transition.

* Bullwinkle: Okay, so he doesn’t have much leadership experience and he’s only a cartoon, but the pairing of Iraqi and Bullwinkle is a natural.

* Michael Jordan: Hey, he saved basketball didn’t he?

* Celine Dion: Anything that will stop her from singing is a plus. Besides, she’s Canadian, so by birthright she has all the answers.

* Sharon Osbourne: After dealing with Ozzie, obnoxious kids, and cancer all at the same time, the problems of Iraq would be a piece of cake for this tough-as-nails woman.

* Homer Simpson: Hey, I had to get a Simpson in here somehow. Besides, Homer does have experience with hazardous materials.

* Al Gore: C’mon, let the guy be president somewhere.

* Jimmy Kimmel: The advantage here is that he wouldn’t be missed.

It appears that the decision to go to war has been made, and now it is just a question of how soon. I’m still conflicted about it all. I don’t want innocent people to die and I don’t want our servicemen & women to be put in harms way when a peaceful solution is possible. However, when I do hear the argument made for going in, I do find myself understanding and sometimes believing that military action may be the answer.

One would think that such a length of time to consider the all the facts would be more than enough time to firmly grasp an issue, but I still can’t seem to get a true idea of what is right. Because of this, I lean towards peace, even though I know that war is sometimes a necessary evil. I don’t know all the answers, and I certainly have been wrong in the past.

I’m upset with President Bush and his administration. Right or wrong about the issue, Bush and his administration have given the appearance from the very start to be far too eager to physically enforce Saddam Hussein’s violations of the UN resolutions. This eagerness to show force, in my opinion, has been much of the problem. The United States government should never give the impression of such willingness to go to war. It’s not necessary for the United States to flex in front of the world, as the world knows well enough about the military muscle the US possesses. With such strength, the United States should always seek peaceful solutions whenever possible, as talk of war will always be perceived as a thirst to dominate and conquer, and ultimately it will only cloud the issue.

I’m also upset with French President Jacques Chirac and his administration. Right or wrong about the issue, Chirac and his administration have shown an unwillingness to support the enforcement of the UN resolution that they agreed to. In their unwillingness to back up their word, and their continued public statements of refusal to physically enforce the resolution, the French government has given Saddam Hussein breathing room. I can’t help but wonder if events would have unfolded differently had Chirac showed Hussein a united world against him. We will never know what a united world could have accomplished, but we do know where a divided world has brought us. The recent proposal offered by British Prime Minister Tony Blair would have certainly bought some more time for a possible peaceful solution, but Chirac refused to even consider the proposal.

It’s unfortunate that governments aren’t willing to work together to peacefully resolve such issues, and it’s a damn shame that nations continue to rely on killing as a viable solution.

It was just last week. President Bush proclaimed that he would press for a vote on the second UN resolution on Iraq within a few days, “no matter what the whip count.” In his words, “It’s time for people to show their cards and let the world know where they stand on Iraq.”

By the end of the week, it became obvious that the whip count was not in the president’s favor, so the push for another vote was never made and once again Bush has egg on his face. How ironic it is that this man never seems to have enough votes. Fortunately, there isn’t a Supreme Court within the UN to bail him out on this one.

Despite the world’s biggest demonstration for peace and continued inspections, one man and a small group of advisors have determined that war is the only way. And you, and I, and the rest of the world, we stand by and litterally can’t do one damn thing about it.

Mr. President, you asked to see the cards, and now I show you mine. My cards are democracy. My cards are for diplomacy. My cards are for doing what is right. My cards represent my country, and I will not fold, nor will I throw in this hand, no matter how loud you beat your drums of war.

How dare you sir, wrap yourself in my flag. How dare you hide behind such words as Liberty, Freedom, Justice, Patriotism and Democracy. How dare you call yourself compasionate. How dare you damage longstanding dimplomatic relationships and turn the world upside-down all for the cause of removing such an insignificant dictator such as Saddam Hussein. How dare you make an attempt to run for re-election, as if you think you are qualified to lead my country.

I can’t recall what exactly had brought a friend and I into Waikiki, all I can remember is that we were there. It was late in the evening and after cruising for a while, we decided to head home to the Windward side.

Out of habit, a drive home from Waikiki would almost always include a detour into the seedy parts of Honolulu town where prostitutes sold their wares on each street corner. The routine for the casual driver was to cruise the block of Hotel Street a couple of times, get an eyeful of whatever you came to see, and then be on your way. This routine had been practiced on a nightly basis for generations before me by many young men, locals as well as servicemen, and older boys that had finally learned to drive. In an odd sort of way, cruising Hotel Street was a rite of passage.

After making a few uneventful rounds of Hotel Street, my friend and I decided that we had seen enough. I took a quiet sidestreet and began the journey home, when suddenly my friend told me to stop the car. He had seen a “vision”. As he looked back to find this vision, I looked with him. In the distant shadows walking alone, there was a young woman with light brown skin and long dark hair.

Briefly looking at how she was dressed and considering the area that we were in, there was only one logical conclusion. “Man, it’s a prostitute,” I said.

My friend turned from watching the young woman and looked straight into my eyes, upset, as though I had said something about his girlfriend. “She is not! No effin way. Pull up alongside the curb, please, I wanna talk to her.”

There was no sense in arguing over such things. He had seen a vision, and there was nothing that I could say or do that would convince him otherwise. I pulled next to the curb as he had asked, and turned the engine off. I looked towards my friend, and he was watching her every move as she walked closer in our direction.

Her walk slowed as she neared the car, examining us just as much as she was being examined. My friend poked his head out of the car and began to throw compliments her way, basically telling her how amazingly beautiful she was. She smiled, and in the softest of whispers, she thanked him. She continued to walk, but her pace had momentarily slowed to a point where it seemed as if she was pausing to see where this might all lead. But the more my friend talked about her loveliness, it became apparent by her body language that she had lost interest. As she resumed in her stride, my friend asked for a phone number so that they could go out some other time. Still walking, she turned around and grabbed her crotch with one hand, and with a crackly voice said matter of factly, “I’m a boy!”

While I laughed because of all the fuss he had made over a transsexual, my friend was in disbelief as he repeatedly said, “No way.” First he said it to her, and then when she was gone he said it to me, and then quietly to himself.

The long drive home towards the Windward side was quiet. At first I had tried to convince my friend that it was no big deal, but he just stared out the window into the darkness, reliving his own personal crying-game.

*Note: Just to prevent any confusion, this all happened long ago; it’s just a memory to share. *