Esoteric Bowl
The reason for my closing the kaneblues site is not a reason that is unique to the blog-world. I had a certain visitor that was coming to the site that was leaving all kinds of negative and hurtful messages. It got to the point where I was deleting multiple messages each day. Granted, instead of closing the site, I could have just blocked the person from leaving comments. However, the mere thought that this person could continue to visit the site left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
Looking back on it all now, I admit that I let the negative comments get to me, and I regret that. I also regret closing the site. But the whole experience didn’t kill me, and it made me a little stronger and left me a little wiser. It has been suggested that I change my identity, not use my archives or any other data which may allow the person to track me down. But if I do all of that, then I have let that person win in some small way. Besides, if someone is determined to track me down, it wouldn’t be so difficult. So, if the drama should return, I will just delete the comments, block the IP address, and shrug it off. After all, one can’t create a new site each time an unwanted visitor comes along.
Through this recent ordeal, I also discovered that finding a domain name is not so easy anymore. Almost every possible word and phrase is already taken. After a considerable amount of time of failed attempts, I grabbed a favorite book from the shelf, Sue Bender’s Everyday Sacred, and randomly opened the book to page 89. The subtitle there is Esoteric Bowl.
According to Bender, the “esoteric bowl” is an ancient Buddhist teaching used for purification rituals. The instruction for the practice is to visualize putting your worst thoughts and feelings in a bowl; anger, fear, feelings of being overwhelmed, hurt, shame, anything at all. Sweet and tender feelings are also placed in the bowl.
Then one uses the ‘knife of wisdom’ to chop up all of the harsh aspects along with the tender aspects. The negative and positive are then blended and transformed into a proper offering; a nectar with a much richer brew. Considering everything that had taken place that led to the closing of one site and the opening of another, the rite of renewal from the esoteric bowl seemed appropriate.