Esoteric Bowl

No matter which holiday is being celebrated, the holiday is always much more special when children are involved. At Easter it’s fun to watch the little ones hunt for eggs. At Halloween it’s exciting to see the kids dressed in their cute costumes. And it’s an awesome sight to watch the eyes of a child witnessing New Year’s fireworks for the very first time. Even during Thanksgiving there’s a certain joy in seeing a small child attack a turkey leg.

Christmas is probably the best holiday to be surrounded by children. Their anticipation of Christmas day is almost palpable, and for some their love for Santa is genuine. I remember when I was a child, my brothers and I were so excited to see what Santa had brought for us on Christmas day. As we tore into the paper wrappings, my parents sat on the couch smiling and laughing as they watched us discover our gifts. I wondered then how they could possibly refrain from opening their own presents. It would be years later before I understood their joy.

There are certain mornings when I roll out of bed that I have an unexplainable feeling that I’m completely in tune with the world. It is on such days where my psychic abilities are strongest and I can feel the power of the all knowing. Okay, not really, but play along anyway.

Think of a day of the week, any day, and I will tell you something about yourself. Go ahead, think of a day. Let us begin:

If you thought of Sunday: You are living in the “now”, whatever the heck that means. You are either very tuned in to who you are as a person, or you are currently living at the headquarters of a woman’s organization.

If you thought of Monday: You are feeling stressful. This stress is caused by your being a workaholic or a procrastinator. If you are a workaholic, remind yourself to enjoy the good things in life. If you are a procrastinator, you’ve already had your fun, so get to work!

If you thought of Tuesday: You are very strange. I don’t know why this is, but you are. Either get with the program or enroll in a art class. Your creative self yearns to be expressed.

If you thought of Wednesday: You have sex on your mind. In fact, you always have sex on your mind. Call me!

If you thought of Thursday: You are currently going through a transitional period. You are filled with broad and complex questions on the meaning of life itself. Eat some chocolate, it will pass.

If you thought of Friday: You live for the fun and joy in life and see beauty all around you. Either that, or you’re looking forward to payday.

If you thought of Saturday: You have a tendency to think far too much about the past. You are also a giving person, but oftentimes you forget yourself. Find someone that’s thinking about Wednesday, and have some fun.

Yesterday I turned on the television to see the local morning news. On each channel that I went to, it was like a prolonged commercial for the malls and shopping centers. This is what local news has come to; the lead story is to inform everyone when the stores will be opened and closed.

I clicked to the cable news channels, but it wasn’t much different. I understand that the day after Thanksgiving is recognized as one of the biggest shopping days of the year, but still it’s rather off-putting how the news gets so excited and wrapped up in it all. It kind of makes my skin crawl how they seem to rejoice in showing the live coverage of people pushing and shoving one another as they enter the stores.

After Thanksgiving dinner, there’s nothing like watching a classic movie with family and friends. Here are a few of my favorite Thanksgiving films:

* The Gizzard Of Oz
* It’s A Wonderful Knife
* One Flew Over The Turkey’s Nest
* Stuffing Miss Daisy
* Midnight Cranberry
* Relish Tray Without A Cause
* The Silence Of The Yams
* Snow White And The Seven Helpings
* A Streetcar Named Tryptophan
* Three Men And A Baster
* M*A*S*H*E*D
* Close Encounters Of The Pumpkin Pie
* Forrest Plump
* Mutiny On The Kiddie Table
* When Harry Met Salmonella
* Rosemary’s Gravy
* The Turkeynator

Wishing everyone a fun and festive Thanksgiving Day.

The table had long since been set. Faces and hands were washed and hair had been combed. Family and friends were more than ready to dig into the Thanksgiving feast. But Mr. Turkey wasn’t quite ready to come out of the oven just yet.

Unfazed by the additional minutes needed to cook, Mom turned the many side dishes to warm. Then she grabbed paper and pencils for my brothers and I, and told each of us to make a Thanksgiving list of ten things that we were thankful for.

The first few answers were easy;
I am thankful for Mom.
I am thankful for Dad.
I am thankful for brothers.
I am thankful for toys.

After that, it took some serious thinking. What am I thankful for, what am I thankful for? My mind was blank. I wasn’t prepared for a pop quiz! I took a peek at what my brothers were writing, but they weren’t sharing. I looked around the room for some clues, and the answers came to me.

I am thankful for pumpkin pie.
I am thankful for cranberry sauce.
I am thankful for hot rolls.

Admittedly, half of what I was thankful for were items from the Thanksgiving meal. Oh well, I was young. We took our completed lists to show Mom, and she smiled and said, “Dinner’s ready.”

Sunday Confession: Earlier this year when I was putting on my favorite blue jeans, I noticed that the fit was a little snug around the waist. Not a problem. I grabbed a backup pair of jeans, but discovered they too were a little tight.

I didn’t want to jump to conclusions with the first pair of jeans, but the tightness with the second pair confirmed my initial thoughts. It was obvious and I couldn’t deny it; the blue jeans had shrunk in the wash. I decided from that point on to wash my jeans only in cold water, no more hot water washes for me.

It was a short time after this that I was standing in the kitchen eating a tuna sandwich. When I bit into the sandwich some of the tuna squirted out the other end, and the rules of gravity took its course. However, before the tuna hit the floor, it first grazed my belly. I wiped the tuna off the floor and off myself, then went into the bathroom to call the mirror a LIAR!

I have never been fat before. Okay, I was “husky” when I was twelve years old, but Mom assured me that it was only “baby fat”. Fortunately I grew several inches at age thirteen, and everything kind of stretched and evened out after that. Since gaining more height at this age is probably out of the question, I decided that I had better start giving the width a little more consideration. Either that or start wearing a bib when I eat.

Fat is very sly. It doesn’t pounce onto the unsuspecting body overnight, instead it gradually and slowly accumulates inch by inch until it’s finally discovered. The fact that it took some time for the weight to be put on is important to remember when trying to take it off.

I’m not my old lean self yet, but I’m getting there. Fortunately I caught the problem in the early stages. I do backslide on occasion with some of my favorite foods, but hey, a person has got to live a little. I’m happy to report the favorite blue jeans fit once again, although I’m still washing them in cold water.

Last night a basketball game between the Detroit Pistons and Indiana Pacers turned into basket-brawl. What had started out as a little pushing and shoving between players, quickly escalated into a mob scene with fans throwing debris onto the court and some Indiana players charging into the stands to exchange blows with fans. Officials stopped the nationally televised game with less than a minute to go.

Sadly, this is not an isolated incident between athletes and fans. Every major professional sport has had their share of athlete-fan clashes, as have some college sports as well. There have been suggestions in the past of moving seats further away from the players and cutting alcohol sales from sporting events. Since both suggestions affect revenue, such changes aren’t expected anytime soon.

Ultimately, professional athletes must to be professional. Without question it takes intestinal fortitude to turn away when a screaming fan is in your face or when someone throws water on you, but self-discipline and composure are traits of a true professional. For some athletes of today, self-discipline is not in their makeup, as the thug-lifestyle and gangsta mentality is what they emulate and profit from.

Like the majority of players, the vast majority of fans know their place. However, a few unruly fans can spoil it for everyone. Gone are the days of the occasional harmless and lovable streaker running onto the field. Fans of today are easily turned into a violent mob with some more than willing to charge onto the court or field to fight with players, umpires, police, or with other fans.

It is commonplace nowadays following a championship game to have the winning team’s city turned into a war zone. Fans started fires and overturned cars following the Pistons championship last year, as did Laker fans during their championship run. A 21-year old college student was recently killed after she was mistakenly shot with a projectile when police clashed with a crowd of celebrating Red Sox fans outside of Fenway Park.

Surely there must be a million theories available to explain the increase in athlete-fan violence. Mass quantities of alcohol and a lack of professionalism in the professional athlete are just a few. Perhaps sports in general is mirroring the cultural decline of society. I look at the old photos of sporting events from years ago; the men in the stands are dressed in suits and ties, the women wearing stylish dresses, the athletes prided themselves for their sportsmanship, and the sports were referred to as gentleman’s games.