The Long Trip
When Steffen was born, he was healthy and responsive and he had ten toes and ten fingers. Our prayers had been answered and we felt blessed that our boy was such a beautiful child.
Soon after we had brought Steffen home, Julie started bringing up the subject of traveling home to Peru to introduce Steffen to her family. Julie also wanted to bring her daughter back to Hawai’i, a daughter that had been raised by Julie’s parents. Although I thought Steffen was too little to be traveling, I eventually agreed to Julie’s plans. Quickly they both got their passports and vaccinations and they were on their way.
As one might imagine, there are no direct flights from Hawai’i to Peru. Julie and Steffen had a number of stop-overs in the States and in a couple of other countries in between. They were gone for several weeks and when they returned, they brought Julie’s daughter with them.
They were all tired. It had been a long trip. While Julie and the girl rebounded in a few days, Steffen never did. He wasn’t as responsive as he had once been, and at times I wondered if he was the same baby. Something was wrong, but we couldn’t put our finger on it. The doctors assured us that in time he would be fine.
As Steffen got older, the problems remained. He was an active little boy and just as cute as could be, but he wasn’t speaking. Again, doctors assured us that some children are late in speaking. We were frustrated and knew something was wrong. I often wondered what had gone on during that trip, perhaps Steffen was hurt and Julie didn’t want to say so. At the same time, there were whispers wondering if all that marijuana that I had smoked in my youth had somehow damaged a gene.
In time, Steffen would be diagnosed as mildly autistic. It was a crushing blow. I felt helpless as it was like someone had stolen my son. It was undoubtedly the most painful experience that I’ve ever gone through, and even now the hurt remains. He was my boy, and I had so much hope for him. For years I blamed myself. Whether I was at fault or not, I knew my dream of having several children was over.
Recently on the Don Imus show on MSNBC, Imus has been speaking about the subject of autism and how more and more university studies are finding a connection to autism and thimerosal (mercury) vaccinations. It has been eye-opening information. After researching Amazon, there are a number of must-read books on the subject of children’s vaccinations. If you have small children, plan to have children, or know someone with a small child, I encourage you to look into the subject. I suppose I’ll never know what the cause is for Steffen’s autism, and I’ll probably go to my grave wondering if it was all due to a vaccination.
March 16th, 2005 at 6:45 am
Your level of candor is amazing. I had no idea of the correlation between autism and childhood vaccinations.
March 16th, 2005 at 9:00 am
We don’t vaccinate or should I say I don’t.
My aunt had a similar situation. However, she didn’t get her daughter vaccinated until she was 2 years old, because they too were leaving the country. 6 months after her vaccinations she was diagnosed as autistic. We also saw a huge flip flop in her behavior. It was like someone flipped a switch, one day normal, one day not. They say people associate the shots with autism because of the time shots are taken and when autism usually shows up, but my cousin was 2, shouldn’t a Dr have seen it sooner? She was walking and talking just fine..
I’d also recommend people look into those flu shots
March 16th, 2005 at 12:52 pm
Wow!!! That sounds like more of a coincidence about the vaccinations. I hope you can find some answers! Thanks for sharing that part of your life too. *HUGS*
March 16th, 2005 at 4:37 pm
Yes, thanks so much for sharing this very personal part of you. My heart just aches for you and the guilt you’ve had over this. I’ve also heard Imus speak of the Autism/Mercury connection this week. He’s tenacious about the subject. Perhaps he’ll uncover something helpful for you to read. Many people aren’t so swift to vaccinate like they were in our childhood days. Again, thanks for the gift of sharing your heart with us all. Many blessings.
March 17th, 2005 at 1:38 am
{{{hugs}}}
March 17th, 2005 at 5:52 am
Wow, Kane, what a post! I am sorry for the wonder and guilt about Steffen’s autism, and I thank you for being so frank and passing on info that could potentially alter future children’s lives. Take care of you.
March 18th, 2005 at 1:09 am
Hi Kane! It was nice to see you again! I’m a little shocked to hear about your son, but now I am more informed about the info available on the matter of autism and the possible correlation between it and vaccinations. We had been deciding to adopt children at some point….but changed our minds. Raising children is just…such a large responsibility, and I worry too much about kids when they get sick.
Take care and have a good day!
March 18th, 2005 at 7:52 am
This story is so sad. It’s so hard to look back and think of all the could haves and should haves. Hurts so much. Please don’t blame yourself. You are a good person. Your character shines through in every word that you write. I’m so sorry, but thank you for sharing in an attempt to spare other families the pain yours has gone through.
March 20th, 2005 at 6:26 pm
your story is so poignant, kane. autism is reaching epidemic proportions in the united states, and i can’t help but wonder if we are doing something wrong…. not us as people, but us as part of an unhealthy system. i look at the beautiful children with whom i work, and i think about what their futures will be like, and i hope and pray for a cure for them, and for your son, and for all of the other children whose lives include autism.
thank you for this entry.
March 21st, 2005 at 9:58 pm
like the petals of a flower, you unfold one entry at a time. thanks for sharing kane. so much to think about even in the simplest of routine vaccinations.
March 25th, 2005 at 11:18 am
Oh, I’m so sorry. That is tragic, and I wish that your feelings of guilt could be assauged.
We had T vaccinated last week (first shots), and they no longer have the mercury preservative that some believe may cause autism. To us, the known risks of illness, disability, and death due to the diseases vaccinated against were much too high to consider doing otherwise.
The Autism Society of America’s position on autism and vaccines is here. They state: “Whatever the cause, it is clear that children with autism and PDD are born with the disorder or born with the potential to develop it.”
Here’s a report you might find interesting as well.
General vaccination safety studies and reports on the Institute of Medicine site.