Esoteric Bowl

It’s kind of like a punch in the stomach, that sudden feeling of having the wind knocked out of me. I remember experiencing that feeling when my Grandfather suddenly died. Even more so when Millie died unexpectedly, as she was still young and we had recently exchanged correspondence.

To some extent, I felt that same loss of breath when I heard that Johnny Carson had died. I didn’t know he was ill. And then recently when Pope John Paul II died, I felt that sudden loss of breath. It surprised me that I had such a reaction, as I felt no real connection with the Pope, and his looming death was very much publicized. Still, I felt that sudden blow and the feeling itself scared me.

I’ve heard others say that one can never prepare mentally and emotionally for a loss of a loved one. I never thought of such things when I was young, as I was sure that I would die in my youth well ahead of everyone else. It didn’t happen that way, so now I’m left with the fear that one day the ultimate punch in the stomach will come.

I don’t like the fact that thoughts of losing my parents occasionally come to mind, and it’s uncomfortable to write about. Thankfully, aside from the occasional aches and pains, my parents are healthy and both should easily live 30 or 40 more years. Still, one never knows, and the occasional thoughts remind me of that.

Admittedly, there are times when such thoughts come to mind and I cry like a baby as if I’ve lost them already. I miss them both dearly, and I often kick myself for not absorbing more of their knowledge and wisdom. I kick myself for not asking them more about their lives and experiences and their points of view. I kick myself for not learning more about history and the love of ship-building from Dad. I kick myself for not learning more about the roots of our family and the love of dance and the arts from Mom. I kick myself for not debating politics with Dad more often, and I kick myself for not savoring each bite of food that Mom prepared. I kick myself for not looking into their eyes more often, and I kick myself for not hugging them both much longer.

I was racking my brain trying to find the words to express how special my mother is. I wanted to write a Mother’s Day post that would show just how much Mom means to me and how much she has meant to our family. But those words are so very hard to come by.

And then it dawned on me. So much of what has been shared in this journal is a reflection of Mom. In many stories that I’ve shared about the past, Mom is there helping, doing, giving, nurturing, being the glue that keeps our family together and always shining bright.

In posts where Mom isn’t mentioned, her influence and guidance is present. Even at the very root of my writing, Mom is there. She patiently taught me the alphabet, showed me the art of one-finger-spacing, and has always been quick to encourage my writing and self-expression.

An assortment of Aloha Friday Links:

I so much want to see CRASH.

I haven’t quite figured out what Dreamwaves is, but each time I go there I see and hear something different.

Put a few thousand drunk and horny teenagers in a dirty-ass dorm for 4 years, and you get a new language. College Terms from College Stories.

Free Download of Picasa2.

Stuff and more stuff at fairly reasonable prices: Overstock.com.

My very own slideshows:
Eggs & Things
Aloha State of Mind
People I Don’t Know
Water Works
Legs & Things
Etcetera, Etcetera, Etc.

Have a Great Aloha Friday!

For some, the 5th of May is celebrated for Cinco de Mayo. Personally, in my youth I didn’t know what Cinco de Mayo was all about. Admittedly, I knew the day was celebrated with half-priced alcohol long before I understood the historical significance of the day.

When I was very young, May 5th had a different meaning altogether. It was Boy’s Day. We never made a big to-do about the day, and if Mom didn’t tell my brothers and I that it was Boy’s Day it probably would have passed unnoticed. However, to make the day a little special, Mom would buy us Japanese carp kites. We played with the colorful kites and often hung them outside our door.

I understand that some no longer refer to the day as Boy’s Day, but rather Children’s Day. If you want to make your own carp kite, you can go here. However you celebrate the day, have a good one!