Esoteric Bowl

I was clicking through the channels and then paused when I saw Oprah. I don’t watch Oprah very often, but every now and then it’s fun to see what’s going on with Girlfriend.

So anyway the show had already begun, but it doesn’t take long for me to understand that Oprah and Dr. Mehmet Oz are discussing the digestive system and poop. Nine times out ten if I come across a television show where the topic is poop, I’m changing the channel. But when Oprah discusses poop it becomes riveting television, and I’ll tell you why.

You know how Oprah kind of has that self-righteous air about her? Don’t get me wrong, Oprah is cool and she does wonderful things and everyone loves Oprah. But Oprah does have a certain way of letting everyone know who is Oprah and who is not; you know what I mean? But we let Oprah slide on her self-righteousness because that’s part of her appeal, and besides, we know it’s not easy being Oprah. So anyway, it’s because of Oprah’s self-righteousness that I now can’t change the channel, because with a discussion on poop I just know at some point during the show Oprah is going to blurt out that her poop don’t stink.

Each time Dr. Oz mentions poop, Oprah gets a poop-eating grin on her face and loudly declares with her fist in the air, “Were making television history!” Obviously Oprah doesn’t watch much television. Not only can the occasional discussion of poop be found on television, but for a while Comedy Central had an animated talking poop in a Santa hat.

So Dr. Oz is pointing out that signs to whether your digestion is working properly and if you’re eating healthy can be found by relying on your senses in the bathroom. Oprah then shares that she thought that she was the only one that looked at her poop. Dr. Oz adds that the ideal poop should have an S shape, and Oprah quickly interrupts to let everyone know that her poop is always S shaped. As if we would think anything less from Oprah.

Then two women from the audience are invited on stage to discuss their own individual poops. Susan, a busy working mother of three says that she struggles with constipation, sometimes only going once every five days. Oprah remains silent, but the camera focuses on her as she looks towards the audience and gives that Oprah expression that is part astonishment and part I’m glad that I’m not you look. Everyone laughs. Then Maureen, a mother of four says that she suffers from diarrhea, hemorrhoids and constipation, and her poop often comes out like marbles. Oprah makes a puzzled look and repeats “Marbles?” a number of times. Everyone laughs. Then as if Maureen hasn’t been mocked and embarrassed enough, Oprah proceeds to go into song with the melody from Tiny Bubbles, singing “Tiny Marbles”.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 31st, 2005 at 4:49 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.