Esoteric Bowl

The summer heat wakes me from my sleep.
My neck and pillow are locked in a wet kiss.
I turn the pillow over and hope
that the cool side is cool;
It’s not.

I look over my shoulder towards the clock.
One-thirty in the morning.
I sigh and close my eyes,
pushing the blanket further away with hands and feet.

I roll over and look at the clock again.
Three-forty. What happened to the past two hours?
I hate when that happens.

I slide out of bed and walk in the dark,
ignoring every lamp and light switch.
A 100 watt bulb would feel like the sun.

My feet find relief on the kitchen floor.
From one ceramic tile to the next
in search of a cooler square,
I crisscross the darkened room
as if I’m playing tic-tac-toe with myself.

I open the refrigerator and freezer doors anticipating a chill.
It’s not as cool as I had hoped.
Gently I squeeze a bag of frozen vegetables
just to make sure the freezer is working.

I pour guava nectar into a glass.
The juice is chilled,
and I gulp without tasting.
The juice splashes inside my chest
and irrigates the desert within.

I died right the first time
Truth in word and scars
Knocked on a night sky
An echo shook the stars
Prayed with incense burning
Pockets full of charms
Made love to an angel
then she died in my arms

In silent moments yearning
Between golden whispers
and transient glances
I think of what might have been

I died right the first time
Wings and dreams disjointed
Infernal stones of blame are thrown
for drowning in a pool of strife
Extended index fingers pointed
to the charge of a wasted life.

God no longer answers prayer,
and Satan won’t buy souls anymore;
It’s not that He doesn’t care,
but God no longer answers prayer;
I’ve got to do my share
to open my own damn door;
For God no longer answers prayer,
and Satan won’t buy souls anymore.

If you gaze into familiar eyes
of someone from your past,
let them be the first to speak;
And if they fail to do so,
allow them to be invisible.

If they offer food and drink,
gulp until your belly is full;
For they will walk away from you in disgust
whether you choose to eat or not.

If they happen to invite you into their home,
remember what home used to be like
before accepting their suggestion.

If they offer you employment,
show them your walking-stick
and remind them
that it’s not a flute.

If they should accuse you
of not reaching expectations,
take no offense;
Their lecture is for themselves.
Smile instead,
and remind them of the seasons;
Reasure them
that Spring shall come again.
Say it with conviction,
as if you truly believed it.

The bamboo is green
The lotus are pink
The waterfall flows
and kisses newfound stones

The bamboo is brown
The lotus are yellow
The waterfall flows
and shapes eager stones

The bamboo is hollow
The lotus are red
The waterfall flows
and parts distinguished stones

The bamboo is green
The lotus are white
The waterfall flows
and kisses newfound stones.

The Sun rises in a hurry
The pain once hidden begins to show
The eyes and mind are blurry
and surrounding clouds begin to know

Spirit aches and body numb
from continually holding the Sun
What a comfort a hard rain would be
for the sky to burst along with me

A good storm fades wasted years
but rainbows promise comes no more
Raindrops will hide the pain and tears
Let it rain, let it pour.

In the middle of a long hallway,
Mother and son sit
on the familiar wooden bench,
waiting for the doctor to see him.

She Combs his hair
with her fingers and spit
and reminds him to sit up straight.

She gives herself a Certs
to freshen her breath,
and puts one on his tongue
to occupy his mouth.

She pulls from her purse
two notebooks and two government pens,
keeping one of each
and giving the boy the other.

“Write a story for me,” she said with a soft whisper.
“Okay,” he said, swinging his dangling legs back and
forth.

Before returning to the unfinished letter
intended for her mother,
she watches the four year old boy
as he scrawls make-believe letters of his own
and constructs a pretend story from his imagination.

“Mommy, I’m gonna write something just for you.”