rushrushrush
i looked at the clock and saw that i still had about 40 minutes until i had to leave to meet the bus, which usually comes late anyway, but i never want to chance it and come later–and then the bus comes on time. so i thought about going home and just lounging around at home before i had to go meet the bus but then i had the crazy idea to maybe get some work done first so i don’t have to worry about it tomorrow. can’t hurt, right?
i decided to work on my assessments because that’s just something we always have to do, yet i tend to put it off because it’s difficult and requires a lot of “research” to find out how to complete the things. i started doing 2 but got stuck on the same element for both of them, so i decided to go ask one of the other teachers on the grade level who really knows her stuff and is just overall awesome and my go-to person whenever i have a question. anyway i figured it would be short because i knew she didn’t come to school yesterday so probably was still not feeling well and it was just a short question with a simple yes/no answer with only little explanation as to what i was supposed to do. so i go.
i did get the answer to my question quite quickly but then she asked why i had brought it up and when i explained to her what i was thinking, it made her think twice and wonder what was really meant, so that lead to us having to go dig out the books to see what that really meant. as we pondered who was right and who was wrong, we talked about what had been going on with her health as well as my health and what we were each doing to help keep ourselves healthy. then that lead into students we had in the past and how they’ve been helped with some of the things we’re doing now, but not by other things, and how we could that information to help our current kids, since these bunch of kids seem much different, in terms of needs, and we might have to take a different route to get these kids up to par. after a while i start feeling that panicky feeling that i had to leave but i couldn’t see the clock from where i was standing and i had left my phone with the alarm i had set to help me leave on time back in my classroom so i had no idea what the time was, but i was starting to get antsy like i should be leaving soon, although i did not know for sure. i kept trying to leave but was instead drawn back into the conversation with a new question, a new situation, a new lesson, or a new idea that this teacher would bring up, and i didn’t want to be rude and excuse myself, even though i know dr. phil would always comment that that’s not a sign of being considerate, but being arrogant. i felt bad.
when i *finally* managed to pry myself away, i rushed back to my classroom and look horridly at the time–i was supposed to be at the bus stop already! what? oh no! grabbed my bag. shut all the windows. slammed the door. ran to the car. jumped in. started it.
why is it when you’re in a rush, that people all around you drive so slow? you’re like, go, go, go, go, GO! and the people all around you are blocking the way and you clench the wheel and your teeth, and you look everywhich way for a way to just cut in front but then the other person decides to go a little bit more faster that you cannot cut in front of them and you’re just like uuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhhh! ugh. ugh. ugh.
as i was driving, i noticed on the other side of the road the traffic, which is common, but what really stood out was that i saw school buses for the people who live in the area i work in! ACK! that meant that the bus for the area i *live* in must already be there! GREAT. no! more slow people! ACK!
there are so many times that i get to the bus stop sooooo early and i’m just waiting and waiting and waiting, and the bus is taking forever, and i keep checking the traffic reports, and even contemplate getting my 6 year old son a cell phone just so he can tell me where the bus is whenever that bus takes so long that i feel like i’ve grown another 5 years, so it would figure that the one day i’m running late traffic decides to clear up and the bus decides to arrive early and i have a worried, scared, panicked 6-year waiting around wondering where his mother is. FIGURES.
great. more traffic. my not-so-secret-anymore “shortcut.” so many cars! why? why?!?! ugh. crawling along. drumming fingers. very impatient. UGH. light turned red. GREAT. long light. long wait. noooooooooo.
light turns green and i go again, hoping that maybe i could see the bus still waiting in that traffic behind me, and that i would be able to meet the bus anyway, and i would have been worrying for nothing, because i’ll go and get there, and park the car, and then the bus will come and he will never know i was late there! but as i make the turn onto the road that the bus stop is on, i see a few high school students, dressed in their pressed school uniforms, walking home, and my heart sinks. the bus. it came already. oh no.
i pull up. my son is waiting under the tree. luckily, two other parents stayed back to wait with him, so he didn’t have to wait alone. i ran to hug him, apologizing for being late. i thanked the other two moms who were waiting there with him, kicking myself, because once i had seen one of their daughters waiting around, when the mom hadn’t come yet, and i didn’t stop to wait with her, i just went home. that made me feel crappy. i apologized all the way home but my son kept saying it was okay. i just felt soooo bad. he’s okay with it and actually is probably annoyed with me, because i keep apologizing. he’ll say as soon as i open my mouth, “it’s okay that you were late, mom.” gee, thanks.
i know this will not be the only time as the road i need to travel on is often backed up when a telephone pole falls over or there’s a major accident. still, this was avoidable, which makes me feel more bad. i also didn’t think it would happen this early in his bus-riding career. i figure, yeah, when he’s older…maybe. but you should always be there for them when they’re young, right?
eeeeeeeeesh. i need a rest! i need to turn off all the lights, get my heartrate down, close my eyes, put on calming music, plug in a “soothing” aromatherapy bottle, and just relaaaaaaaaaxxxxxxxxx. breathe…