Comments on: flipping http://www.hawaiistories.com/lia/2007/11/25/flipping/ no nā manaʻo ulu wale Sat, 05 Jul 2008 19:20:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.2 By: …na mana’o ulu wale… » highly irritated http://www.hawaiistories.com/lia/2007/11/25/flipping/#comment-2117 …na mana’o ulu wale… » highly irritated Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:54:33 +0000 http://www.hawaiistories.com/lia/2007/11/25/flipping/#comment-2117 [...] is actually several weeks old, but since i’m on a roll grumbling…i wrote earlier about a problem with my son getting “notices of concern.” it was confirmed to me by the [...] […] is actually several weeks old, but since i’m on a roll grumbling…i wrote earlier about a problem with my son getting “notices of concern.” it was confirmed to me by the […]

]]> By: mitchell http://www.hawaiistories.com/lia/2007/11/25/flipping/#comment-1101 mitchell Mon, 26 Nov 2007 06:09:26 +0000 http://www.hawaiistories.com/lia/2007/11/25/flipping/#comment-1101 You have to give the bus driver the benefit of the doubt. You know you do, or you WILL be one of THOSE PARENTS. Tell your son you believe him, but you still want to clarify with the bus driver what is going on, and also tell him that sometimes you have to apologize for something that's not your fault if only to keep the peace. Bring your son to the bus driver, make your son apologize (it doesn't have to be a lie; the apology can be "I'm sorry for anything I did that disturbed you"), and THEN, after the apology, ask in as nice a way as possible for a clarification on the dates and behaviors. Say something like, "Can you tell me where he sits, and which children he's yelling across the aisle to?" My guess is that it's mistaken identity. If the driver is familiar with your boy, the driver will not let it get this far, even, saying, "Oh I'm so sorry...that's the wrong child!" If the driver isn't, and truly thinks this is the boy who's causing the trouble, make a plan with your son in front of the bus driver for improving the behavior. Perhaps he can say something like, "Instead of sitting here, next to the window in this row, could I sit here, next to the window in THIS row?" Have him ask the driver to keep an eye on him, and agree with the driver that you'll check up with the driver every couple of days to make sure he's on target with his behavior. If it truly is the other boy, the driver will notice it. If it truly is your son, well, everyone is involved in fixing the problem, right? Then, if your son is innocent, he doesn't have to worry about a "record," because heck. He's only in Kindergarten. You know those things don't matter if the rest of a record is good! And, if your son is guilty, everyone has done something to improve the behavior. Both cases reflect well on you, the parent. Whatever you do, you absolutely CANNOT say, "My child would never do this!" You have to leave that up to SOMEONE ELSE to say. You know it! You have to give the bus driver the benefit of the doubt. You know you do, or you WILL be one of THOSE PARENTS. Tell your son you believe him, but you still want to clarify with the bus driver what is going on, and also tell him that sometimes you have to apologize for something that’s not your fault if only to keep the peace.

Bring your son to the bus driver, make your son apologize (it doesn’t have to be a lie; the apology can be “I’m sorry for anything I did that disturbed you”), and THEN, after the apology, ask in as nice a way as possible for a clarification on the dates and behaviors. Say something like, “Can you tell me where he sits, and which children he’s yelling across the aisle to?”

My guess is that it’s mistaken identity. If the driver is familiar with your boy, the driver will not let it get this far, even, saying, “Oh I’m so sorry…that’s the wrong child!” If the driver isn’t, and truly thinks this is the boy who’s causing the trouble, make a plan with your son in front of the bus driver for improving the behavior. Perhaps he can say something like, “Instead of sitting here, next to the window in this row, could I sit here, next to the window in THIS row?” Have him ask the driver to keep an eye on him, and agree with the driver that you’ll check up with the driver every couple of days to make sure he’s on target with his behavior. If it truly is the other boy, the driver will notice it. If it truly is your son, well, everyone is involved in fixing the problem, right?

Then, if your son is innocent, he doesn’t have to worry about a “record,” because heck. He’s only in Kindergarten. You know those things don’t matter if the rest of a record is good! And, if your son is guilty, everyone has done something to improve the behavior. Both cases reflect well on you, the parent.

Whatever you do, you absolutely CANNOT say, “My child would never do this!” You have to leave that up to SOMEONE ELSE to say. You know it!

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