…nā manaʻo ulu wale…

okay, normally i post these stuffs on the other blog but i was tagged by lika and i crack up at her writing and couldn’t ignore her tag. thanks, lika!

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?

hmmm, i was all alone last night. i don’t think i even watched anything on tv? i probably laughed at people’s blogs that i was reading through the night.

2. What were you doing at 0800?

i think i was just about to put a batch of clothes in the wash.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

peeking in on the football game.

4. What happened to you in 2006?

gosh that was so long ago. ummm…i guess the most significant thing is that i started my son’s application process for school. otherwise, everything was pretty similar to years past.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?

i giggled reading lika’s post. does that count? ummm…i was singing a little while ago. oh! i said “how’s my little girl-girl?” to my pet. that’s the last thing i actually spoke.

6. How many beverages did you have today?

just one, water.

7. What color is your hairbrush?

i have two: one black, and one blue. rhymes!

8. What was the last thing you paid for?

my bills. *sigh* otherwise, it’d be gas.

9. Where were you last night?

at home. by myself. yeah.

10. What color is your front door?

gray.

11. Where do you keep your change?

in my wallet? i use my change; i rarely keep it around.

12. What’s the weather like today?

hot and humid. i’m actually kinda wishing for rain.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?

mint chocolate chip. yum.

14. What excites you?

heh.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?

no. it needs to grow a bit more. then i’ll get sick of it and hack it off again for locks of love.

16. Are you over the age of 25?

sadly, yes.

17. Do you talk a lot?

nope. i try not to.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?

no.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?

no.

20. Do you make up your own words?

all the time.

21. Are you a jealous person?

hmmm. i guess i can be.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.

hmm. i work with an anthony.

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.

kili.

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?

my sister.

25. What does the last text message you received say?

i was asked if i had already bought my gift for my mom’s birthday.

26. Do you chew on your straw?

no. but i do roll them up sometimes.

27. Do you have curly hair?

no. i had wavy hair as a child, but now my hair’s too heavy, i think. it’s just straight.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?

town.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?

oh i know LOTS. they would *all* qualify for “rudest”–i can’t choose just one!

30. What was the last thing you ate?

pork chop with cream of mushroom sauce. yum.

31. Will you get married in the future?

i doubt it.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?

i haven’t seen any movies! hmmm. i really don’t think i’ve seen any, even just in passing.

33. Is there anyone you like right now?

yes.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?

just a little while ago.

35. Are you currently depressed?

hmmm. i guess a little.

36. Did you cry today?

hmmm. surprisingly, no! how did i get this far in the day without shedding a tear?!?!

37. Why did you answer and post this?

because lika tagged me and i like her, so i took a break from the long posts of nablopomo to do something fun

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.

you, you, you, you, and especially you!
there you go, you read all of this, so considered yourself tagged! as we say on the playground, “‘AUKA!”

okay, since i just answered a bunch of questions here about computers i’ve used, i thought i’d do a little walk on the types of computers i’ve had here. a little bit of history, if you will

the very first time i ever used a computer was in 7th grade. it was a part of math class. once a week, our math teacher would walk us over to the computer lab and we’d have class there. the first computers were i think radio shacks (ah! looked it up. it was a tsr-80.). all i remembered about it was that it had cassette tapes as its “disks”. we would put them in the cassette recorder, press “play”, and then the computer would load. we’d mostly play games on this, but we did have to do some basic learning on it, as well.

the next year, when i was in 8th grade, the computer lab got some apple iies. these were on one half of the room, and the tandys were on the other, along with a few commodores. we’d usually have our instruction on the apple iies. there was one that was hooked up to a big television screen so whatever you typed, would show on the big tv (the teacher would use this one, but once my friend and i didn’t know, and we sat on that one, and didn’t know that what we were typing showed up on the tv for everyone to see! yikes!). then after we were done with our work, we would migrate over to the commodores so we could play games (the commodores had color screens while the apple iies had green screens, and the tandys had these amber-colored screens, so the color was a big draw!).

that same year, my dad had been wanting to get a computer. i managed to convice him to get an apple iie instead of the commodore 64, which is what most people were buying. the floppies were easier to handle than the tapes, and more and more games and programs were coming out for the apple iie. so he got one. we loved it–so much so, that my mom had to set up a schedule for the 4 of us (3 sisters + 1 dad!) to use it because we would always fight for time on the computer. my sisters and dad would use it for the games, and i, though i used it a lot for the games, too, would use the word processing program to type in my stories. i’d sit and compose story after story after story, printing it out on the old dot matrix printer, with that paper with the holes on the side you rip off–remember that?!??!–and then take it to school so my friends could read it. that was so much fun. and of course, the games were great! spare change, lode runner (my dad & 1 sister’s favorite!), dig dug (other sister’s favorite), and all those goodies…so much fun! as i mentioned in an earlier post, i loved the text adventures. good fun!

i also used it a lot for programming. in high school, i took computer 1 & 2, which were on the apple iies (or maybe they were iigs by then…) and then i signed up for a.p computer science. for that, we used the IBMs. oooooo. when we’d do study groups, we’d meet in the library on the old tandys and try to figure out our problems on that machine. then i’d come home and try it out on the apple. i made this really cool game with “higher” graphics (it wasn’t the blocky ascii type art, it was actual line drawings) and even programmed in my own music. i was so proud. that ended up being my final project and though people laughed and just *knew* it was my game (because of the subject *shame*), it was quite a hit.

but yeah, that apple iie lasted us a long time, and got lots of use out of it from all the game-playing and typing it was used for. then while i was a freshman in college, there happened to be a big sale on computers at the school store. i looked over them and decided to get one, especially since at the time, i was planning on entering the computer science degree program. i had been working close to 2 years at that point and had quite a bit saved up, because i rarely spent my money–paychecks went straight to the bank. at my job, we were using PCs so i was a bit more drawn to those. i ended up calling my dad and asking if i could take out the money for not only a computer, but a LASER PRINTER. woooo. i was going high style!

i got a ibm ps/2 386 computer, with an h.p. laser printer, as a package deal, for several thousand dollars (i don’t remember the exact price). and yes, i paid for it with my own money. so technically it was “mine.” but of course, everyone in the family used it. my sisters were in high school and required to turn in reports that were typed, so they used it a lot. my dad used it a lot for the games. and we even got my mom hooked on minesweeper, so she’d use it sometimes, too. i don’t think that computer was ever turned off! the apple iie still sat by its side, but was used more for the games, since the printer quality of the laser was much better than the dot matrix, but it was hardly used. then eventually, the disk drives went on the apple iie, and there was no internal drive, like the ibm had, so it was boxed away and is sitting in the closet to this day at my mom’s house. sad

during my senior year in college, i had another job which had me working on macs, and so i was pretty bummed i couldn’t take work home to do, since i had the ibm at home, which was being increasingly taken over by my sisters (i had mistakenly introduced them to interact! and hawaii fyi, and they loved it!). my dad had a friend who was a mac person and had quite a few. he was looking to sell his mac classic so he could get a new mac. so i bought his old mac classic, with an external hard drive, for $800. now this one, i kept in my own room! and i also got a modem for it, so i started using the ibm less and less, and the mac more and more. i would only use the ibm to print out my reports, since it still had the laser printer. i loved that little mac. even as old as it was, it still chugged away! i also got a little program from a friend that changed the trash icon so that when you dragged trash to it, and emptied it, oscar the grouch would pop out and sing “oh i loooooove trash!” it was soooo cute. i also had a lot of games inherited from my dad’s friend, so i got a lot of use out of that computer.

but we can never be satisifed, can we? maybe about a year after that, i ended up getting the mac color classic. same as the old one, but in color! neat! that was my little baby for the longest time.

when i moved to my home i have now, i brought along my color classic with me. but as i could see it was coming out of date, compared with the computers i was using in my classroom, i ended up getting a powerpc from office max. oooo, and what a beauty that was! i remember the salesperson being very snooty about it, and kept remarking about why anyone would even bother with a mac when a pc was the way to go, but i ended up getting the powerpc, though with a panasonic monitor (they were out of the apple monitors). it had an internal modem, a cd drive, and a very fast processor. it was great! the only thing i didn’t like was that i couldn’t use my miracle with it–it had to be plugged into the parrallel port, which usually the modems plugged into, but since mine had an internal modem, they covered that port up! i tried plugging it into the serial port but no dice. that made me mad. so i kept the color classic running so i could use the miracle still

a while later, my dad was getting rid of his pc for a new one, and so he gave me his old one, mostly so i could still play the games i loved that were only on pc. but that was such a headache. it kept breaking down. it now sits idle on the computer desk that my color classic once sat beautifully on. i bet if i were to plug them both in now, the color classic would still run wonderfully! and the pc would still be stuck on the loading screen.

the year my son was born, i was taking a computer course for teachers. it was a 15 credit course where we learned about word processing, spreadsheets, data management, web design, etc. easy way for me to get 15 credits, i thought! i already knew that stuff! well my poor old powerpc couldn’t run the programs they gave us because it could only go up to os 8.x and couldn’t do 9 so i was using our program’s laptop for a while. but then i thought oooo okay, maybe i should get a new one. so i ended up getting my beloved baby i’m using now, a powerpc, which could run os9, as well as osx, which had just come out. i’m so in love with this computer. i’ve made home videos on it. i can make my own cds on it. i just loved it (’course it came out before dvds were big, so i’m missing a dvd writer on this one). even though newer models are coming out and i look at them jealously, i still love this computer. i’ve had it for 6 years now, and it’s still going strong! (i hope i didn’t just jinx it. wait, what am i talking about? it’s an apple! )

if i did have the extra money, i might splurge for the new one. or maybe just an imac that my son can use, too (yes, mom hogs up all the computers right now!). but so far, this one is fine. i’m running low on the drive space but isn’t that always the case? i think i’ve gone through that with all my computers i’ve had with internal drives. but wow, just thinking about all the computers i’ve owned–8, by my count!–and how much time i’ve spent on computers, makes me realize that they’ve been a really big part of my life! now i know why i just feel so lost when there’s a power outage–i have a hard time NOT having them in my life. they complete me.

_{i am SUCH a geek}

When my son was about 2, he and I were in front of the TV one morning, and I had been flipping through the channels. I stopped on this channel that had a pirate and a dog talking/barking at each other. I thought it was so silly. What is this thing? But my son really got into it. I, however, was getting irritated, and turned the channel. We don’t need another Barney, I thought!

The next weekend, we were channel surfing again, and I caught a show that had a song, “Fruit Salad.” It was quite hypnotic. I listened to the song and the “yummy yummy” part just kept repeating in my head. So I didn’t change the channel and kept watching it. Ugh! This was the show I was watching the week before and just had to change the channel! But, that song was pretty cool. And my son was into it, so I kept it on. They sang “Shaky, Shaky” and were all dressed in Elvis-like costumes. Hilarious! And the song wasn’t bad, too.

I found out that this show was called “The Wiggles.” My son really liked them, and it appeared he saw them before, so I guessed it was from the babysitter’s. I made it a point to catch it the next week.

The next day, we were at Costco with my mom. She was looking at the all the video tapes (yes, this was before DVDs were popular!), and we came across the kids’ section. She was wondering if my son liked any of them. The Wiggles one caught my eye–it was bright yellow, and there were a lot of them. There were also a green one, a blue one, and a red one. My mom asked which one my son would like, and I took the yellow one, because it had that “Yummy Yummy” on it, like that song I had heard previously. I flipped it over and saw that it had “Fruit Salad” on it as well as that “Shaky Shaky” song. “Oh! This is the one he likes!” I told my mom, trying to hide the fact that I knew all of their names already from the show, and well, I liked the songs, too. My mom bought it for him, and we watched it together. I was rolling my eyes at it, but the songs were pretty catchy. My son especially liked the “Do the Monkey” song. It was fun to dance along to.

Pretty soon, I was getting as sucked into it as he was. They’re a very wholesome group with a college-educated background in early childhood. They were goofy, but their songs were very hummable, and I swear, I couldn’t see the word “Fruit Salad” at the grocery store and NOT automatically go, “Yummy, yummy!” Through eBay and Half.com, I ended up buying my son all the Wiggles video tapes, which he would watch over and over and OVER. I even found the Wiggles underwear which was a good incentive for him to potty train, so he could wear his Wiggles BVDs. I found Wiggles shoes and Wiggles shirts. I got him Wiggles toys. He even was Captain Feathersword at Halloween. He could sing and dance to all the Wiggles songs–the songs never failed to make him get up and dance along. It made me dance, too, and hum it ALL day. Talk about earworms!

But then, my son grew up. He no longer listens to the Wiggles, and we have passed on all his Wiggles tapes to the next toddler in the family. Which is kinda sad, because *I* still like them! I like their songs! But I cannot watch their tapes, just me by myself, without my son with me! Then everyone’ll know that I really do know a lot about them–I’ve searched for many old Australian articles on them, I’m part of their fan forum, and I subscribe to their video diary podcast. What can I say? I’m hooked! And I care about them. I was happy for Anthony when he got married and had baby after baby…after baby. I wondered about Jeff–did he have a family? And I absolutely hated that Greg had to leave the group. He has the most soothing, hypnotic voices, I swear. I hoped he could still at least sing and record songs with them, and not need to travel for concerts. But sadly, I guess they have to tour, even though they are headed into their late 40s and early 50s!

Anyway, I haven’t been able to watch the Wiggles lately (at least a couple of years) so I have no idea what more cool songs they have (the songs we get in the U.S. are already “old,” having already come out in Australia earlier). I was looking on their website the other day and wow, they have really changed. Not only looking older, but more…well, expensive. When compared to their first tapes that we got, it’s all flashy and lights and effects and all that! Very different! But I guess that’s what happens once you get loads of money. You can afford all that stuff, why not? But to me, it takes away from the simplistic way they communicated with kids through their songs. I kinda miss that.

Well, unless I have another child, I don’t guess I’ll be able to get into that whole Wiggles phenomenon again, but it was fun, and the songs are still very memorable. Sometimes my kids will say something, and that’ll remind me of a song, and I’ll blurt it out, and they all look at me like, “You watch the Wiggles?!?!” heehee We’ll just file that away with the Pokemon for now

as an aside: I had also thought the same thing about Dora when I first saw Dora–what is this weird girl with the big head that’s talking to us and making like we’re using a computer? Ugh. But then I grew to love Dora and her songs. I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’M THE MAP! I mean, come on, how’s that for creative? But I never, ever, EVER got into Barney. Sorry.

i dont know what it is on tv right now but it’s highly irritating. i just turned it from dont forget the lyrics because that was irritating too. i dont know what it is about these game shows that just draw everything out. it’s such fake suspense. i guess it also doesn’t help that wayne brady is the host. i can’t stand him. he’s talented and all but he’s such a camera hog. i noticed it a lot on whose line. he’s not even in the scene yet he’s craning in the back to be on camera. try watch it sometimes–you can see him in the back trying to get face time, or interrupting scenes just so he can be in them. it really got on my nerves. so i already watched dftl with some kind of contempt of him, sure. but then he began to sing along with the contestants and he’s dancing as a background dancer behind them and it’s all like what? i mean, he can sing, but he’s the host! why is he getting involved? irritates me. so i switched the channel. i’m waiting for scrubs. scrubs is so funny, though i don’t really care for the direction it’s taken in this last season. i guess every show is destined to do that, though. same with gilmore girls. the second to the last season started off good but ended up so wrong, and then they had to try and unscramble that mess of eggs in the 7th season. the same seems to be going with scrubs, where they ended it pretty horribly, then now they’re kinda stuck with that storyline now, which i don’t really like for that main character. anyway, there’s a highly irritating show on right now as i’m waiting for scrubs to come on. i guess this is the office. i admit i haven’t watched many episodes, but they just had someone singing in the most obnoxious voice. you know the kind, they’re doing it only to be funny. but it isn’t. i don’t know though, i just seem to be so irritated lately. everything seems to be irritating. and what’s worse is i just started hiccuping and i can’t get it to go! oh no!!!!! irritating singing started again!!! UGH. that’s just so unneccessary. wow, how do you spell that word? there looks to be too many doubles in that word. hmmm. what was i thinking about again? oh ugh this guy is just trying too hard to be funny. which reminds me of wayne brady, as well. he tries TOO hard on whose line. he is funny, but tends to be really predictable. and he makes things way too obvious. i wish he would relax. he’s a great singer and song-maker-upper; he’s just gotta relax and not try to be the star of every thing. anyway, i turned the channel to avoid that. *sigh* maybe it’s time to distract myself with a game because i’m becoming too irritated with everything! ’til tomorrow…

he looked at me with such sad eyes.

he had huge, round, dark eyes. the way that his eyelids drooped made his eyes look so sad. he was looking down at first, staring at his bare feet. as i approached, he looked up quickly, but then cast his eyes down again. it was only when he realized that i had stopped and was looking at him did he look back up at me with those big, sad eyes. he didn’t blink. he just stared. i stepped closer.

he had hair of all different hues of gray, with a smattering white. one area looked quite patchy, and was much darker than the rest. strangely, though, the hair looked remarkably soft. a lock of hair fell over one of his eyes as he tilted his head and examined me. “what do you want?” he calmly asked.

i didn’t say anything at first. i just stared. he became more curious and sat up. “who are you?” he asked.

i couldn’t answer. his eyes were mesmerizing. i took another step closer and peered at him. he became bolder and stood. he stuck his nose through the bars and stared. his yellowed teeth bit his bottom lip, making the whiskers on his chin stand out. “what do you want?” he asked again.

“don’t worry, he’s actually quite friendly,” the guy standing near me said.

i looked him up and down as he returned my gaze. i took a step away. “where are you going?” he asked.

i looked back at the guy who was standing near me and nodded. “wait! wait! who are you? what do you want? where are you going?” he asked, trying desperately to get my attention.

but i turned and walked away. i couldn’t stand looking at those sad eyes any more.

i looked at the clock and saw that i still had about 40 minutes until i had to leave to meet the bus, which usually comes late anyway, but i never want to chance it and come later–and then the bus comes on time. so i thought about going home and just lounging around at home before i had to go meet the bus but then i had the crazy idea to maybe get some work done first so i don’t have to worry about it tomorrow. can’t hurt, right?

i decided to work on my assessments because that’s just something we always have to do, yet i tend to put it off because it’s difficult and requires a lot of “research” to find out how to complete the things. i started doing 2 but got stuck on the same element for both of them, so i decided to go ask one of the other teachers on the grade level who really knows her stuff and is just overall awesome and my go-to person whenever i have a question. anyway i figured it would be short because i knew she didn’t come to school yesterday so probably was still not feeling well and it was just a short question with a simple yes/no answer with only little explanation as to what i was supposed to do. so i go.

i did get the answer to my question quite quickly but then she asked why i had brought it up and when i explained to her what i was thinking, it made her think twice and wonder what was really meant, so that lead to us having to go dig out the books to see what that really meant. as we pondered who was right and who was wrong, we talked about what had been going on with her health as well as my health and what we were each doing to help keep ourselves healthy. then that lead into students we had in the past and how they’ve been helped with some of the things we’re doing now, but not by other things, and how we could that information to help our current kids, since these bunch of kids seem much different, in terms of needs, and we might have to take a different route to get these kids up to par. after a while i start feeling that panicky feeling that i had to leave but i couldn’t see the clock from where i was standing and i had left my phone with the alarm i had set to help me leave on time back in my classroom so i had no idea what the time was, but i was starting to get antsy like i should be leaving soon, although i did not know for sure. i kept trying to leave but was instead drawn back into the conversation with a new question, a new situation, a new lesson, or a new idea that this teacher would bring up, and i didn’t want to be rude and excuse myself, even though i know dr. phil would always comment that that’s not a sign of being considerate, but being arrogant. i felt bad.

when i *finally* managed to pry myself away, i rushed back to my classroom and look horridly at the time–i was supposed to be at the bus stop already! what? oh no! grabbed my bag. shut all the windows. slammed the door. ran to the car. jumped in. started it.

why is it when you’re in a rush, that people all around you drive so slow? you’re like, go, go, go, go, GO! and the people all around you are blocking the way and you clench the wheel and your teeth, and you look everywhich way for a way to just cut in front but then the other person decides to go a little bit more faster that you cannot cut in front of them and you’re just like uuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhhh! ugh. ugh. ugh.

as i was driving, i noticed on the other side of the road the traffic, which is common, but what really stood out was that i saw school buses for the people who live in the area i work in! ACK! that meant that the bus for the area i *live* in must already be there! GREAT. no! more slow people! ACK!

there are so many times that i get to the bus stop sooooo early and i’m just waiting and waiting and waiting, and the bus is taking forever, and i keep checking the traffic reports, and even contemplate getting my 6 year old son a cell phone just so he can tell me where the bus is whenever that bus takes so long that i feel like i’ve grown another 5 years, so it would figure that the one day i’m running late traffic decides to clear up and the bus decides to arrive early and i have a worried, scared, panicked 6-year waiting around wondering where his mother is. FIGURES.

great. more traffic. my not-so-secret-anymore “shortcut.” so many cars! why? why?!?! ugh. crawling along. drumming fingers. very impatient. UGH. light turned red. GREAT. long light. long wait. noooooooooo.

light turns green and i go again, hoping that maybe i could see the bus still waiting in that traffic behind me, and that i would be able to meet the bus anyway, and i would have been worrying for nothing, because i’ll go and get there, and park the car, and then the bus will come and he will never know i was late there! but as i make the turn onto the road that the bus stop is on, i see a few high school students, dressed in their pressed school uniforms, walking home, and my heart sinks. the bus. it came already. oh no.

i pull up. my son is waiting under the tree. luckily, two other parents stayed back to wait with him, so he didn’t have to wait alone. i ran to hug him, apologizing for being late. i thanked the other two moms who were waiting there with him, kicking myself, because once i had seen one of their daughters waiting around, when the mom hadn’t come yet, and i didn’t stop to wait with her, i just went home. that made me feel crappy. i apologized all the way home but my son kept saying it was okay. i just felt soooo bad. he’s okay with it and actually is probably annoyed with me, because i keep apologizing. he’ll say as soon as i open my mouth, “it’s okay that you were late, mom.” gee, thanks.

i know this will not be the only time as the road i need to travel on is often backed up when a telephone pole falls over or there’s a major accident. still, this was avoidable, which makes me feel more bad. i also didn’t think it would happen this early in his bus-riding career. i figure, yeah, when he’s older…maybe. but you should always be there for them when they’re young, right?

eeeeeeeeesh. i need a rest! i need to turn off all the lights, get my heartrate down, close my eyes, put on calming music, plug in a “soothing” aromatherapy bottle, and just relaaaaaaaaaxxxxxxxxx. breathe…

it was this day 6 years ago that i first had to take my son to a babysitter and return to work. i remember it because it was painful! it was monday, november 5, 2001, and it has just never left my mind.

my son was merely 2 months old when i had to return to work. i couldn’t afford to take leave without pay, so i had to return once my doctor’s note was up. it was difficult. everyone i knew got to stay home with their baby at least 5-6 months. they got to spend the time bonding and watching their babies grow. i had to go back to work.

i was looking for a babysitter for a long, long time–even before i had given birth! i had called everyone on the patch list, but no one was taking infants. their “quota” for infants was already filled. i even went and got patch lists as far as pearl city and mililani (which is quite a drive from where i work and live!). no one had an opening for infants. i explained my dilemma to my colleagues, and they rallied and tried to find me someone, asking parents if they knew anyone who could watch my baby, so i could come back to work. one of my colleagues found a parent who said he’d watch him, but considering the history of this parent, i wasn’t too confident.

i only had one week left before i had to go back. my sister had a babysitter out in makaha when she worked at the high school, so she suggested i call her. that would be a bit of a drive out of my way, but it wasn’t as bad as going out to pearl city or mililani. so i called her and she agreed, once she found out who referred me. i went out on the friday before to meet her. my son slept the whole time we were there, but she was very gentle with him. on our way back home, i stopped by my workplace with a little “thank you” bag for my sub and confirmed to the office i was coming back on monday.

gosh, that was the fastest weekend ever! i tried to spend as much time with the baby. i felt soooo guilty that i was leaving him with a complete stranger. that shouldn’t happen! he should be with his mommy! or at least family… but all my family works. it was tough.

on monday we woke up early and i drove over to drop him off. he was sleeping, so there wasn’t much i could do, but hand him off in his carseat. as i backed out of the driveway, my eyes filled with tears. i just felt so much guilt! i was a bad mommy! it hurt so much to drive away and go to work.

work was a different story. the office people welcomed me back loudly, talking about how good i looked, which i know was just to make me feel better! i went to my classroom and started working. as the time drew nearer to the first bell ringing, i could hear the buzz outside the doors–is she back? she’s supposed to come back today right? did you see her?

after first bell rang, i opened the door to be met with cheers. my students, both former and current, came up to give me hugs and welcome me back. i felt so much love, but still, the pain lingered in my heart. i would’ve much rather been home with my baby. i was feeling like, why did i have a baby, just to hand him off for someone else to raise? those thoughts just filled my mind all day even though the kids showered me with love.

after school i rushed there as quickly as possible. he was fine. i even wondered if he realized i was even gone? probably not! i got him home and checked him out, apologizing to him for having to leave him alone. but he didn’t care. he just looked back at me and then started pawing to get a drink. *sigh* i was more cow than mom. i didn’t like that feeling at all.

the rest of the week was pretty much the same–i’d drop him off with tears, and left right after work to pick him up, only to be treated like a cow. but it’s what we had to do, so i had to get used to it fast! i had to keep telling myself that a lot of moms did this, and i wasn’t the only meanie one. but boy, did i sure feel that way.

it took me a while, and i did get used to it. though, heck, at times even today i still feel guilty! but this babysitter was just the greatest. she truly loved him. she took very good care of him. she always had him showered and well-fed and clean. if he was a slow walker, it’s because she never let him walk, she was always carrying him! she just really cared for him as if he was her own, and i know that i am so lucky to have found her to give him the love and caring he’s missing out from his own mother. there was a period when i was debating leaving, and she cried so much, i felt like i was cps taking away her child! it was bad. but she always willingly took him, and even called up on some weekends to take him out. she even drove him to preschool every day and picked him up early on wednesdays. she was really a gem! i am so grateful to have her in my life.

my son has started school and no longer gets to see her as often, but she still remembers things like his birthday. but he still has fond memories of his aunty’s house and will ask to go visit her on his days off. we’ll probably head over just before thanksgiving to drop off our annual donation of a ham, and visit for a while. i’ll just always have great appreciation for this lady to took over for me in raising my son to the loving, caring individual that he is now. mahalo nui!

on almost every meme site today, including the writing prompts group, the focus seems to be on jobs! i’ve ranted on and on about my current job. let us visit back to happier times…

when i was 16, my aunty has asked if i was looking for employment. they had an opening in her office for a summer aide, and their current one just was not fitting the bill. she said i could try out if i wanted to, then she’d arrange an interview with her boss and get all the paperwork for me. it was the summer before my senior year and i thought, why not? i would soon be out on my own so i would need the experience, i thought.

so my aunty picked me up one day, and i met with her boss. he was a very jolly old man with a big, roaring laugh. he told me what i would have to do and how much the pay was (just minimum wage, $3.25. yup, that was back in the day!). he said it would only be for the summer, as it was a “student” job, so that they didn’t expect me to work during the school year. i remember expressing doubts about my age (the previous girl was a college student) but said we’ll see how it goes. when i came out and told my aunty what he said, she clapped her hands. then sent me straight to work! heeheehee. my aunty is a very dedicated, diligent person, and i knew that i had to be especially good because i would be a reflection of her, since she recommended me.

she didn’t have to worry, though. the job was quite easy. a simple letter here, a memo there. no one in the whole office used the lone computer they had–the secretary still used a typewriter! so that computer was all mine and i did all my typing on there and printed out my reports and whatnot. it was very easy to do for me, since i had quite a bit of computer experience by then (from school–i had been in the ap computer science class, one of three juniors, and the only girl, i may add yes, geek to the nth degree!), so it was nothing. there was a HUGE stack of things that had been piling up for ages, and i managed to whittle the stack down quite a bit. needless to say, the boss was very impressed with me he took me to lunch on my third day there and offered me a raise! woohoo, $3.85! it was the highest a student aide could make at the time, so i was very happy

i was also spoiled rotten. all the people who worked in that office were quite a bit older, and had children older than me. plus, i was quiet, not sassy, as they remembered teenagers to be. so they were SO nice to me. every time they went on trips (which was quite often), they’d always make it a point to buy me some incredible little trinket. i’ve collected things from egypt to germany to japan. exquisite godiva chocolate from belgium, a handwoven necklace from peru, tiny little bottles of cologne from paris, jade trinkets from hong kong…all kinds of stuff! they loved that i did their work for them quickly and “made [them] look good.” plus, i was a little 16-year old, and they were all older men. so yeah. i got a lot of attention

i remember the day the girl whose job i took came in to visit the office. there were a lot of side glances and stuff as she asked chirply who i was. they had told her that there was no more funding for the position, which is why they let her go. and yet here i was! they just said that i was my aunty’s niece, and kinda left it at that. the look she gave me was not too nice!

at the end of the summer, i thought, wow, that was a nice job! to my surprise, they offered me the job throughout the year, as long as i stayed in school! so i thought, yay! i get to stay another year! then i thought i’d be graduating high school and going off into the world. however, i ended up going to college here, and the office cheered, because that meant they could keep me. and i worked for them until i graduated the second time from college–a full 8 years after i had started. and i would’ve loved to keep going! sometimes i wonder about returning. i mean, i know i won’t get all that attention now, since it’s been 20 years. but still, that atmosphere was a great one to work in, compared to the one i’m in now. maybe some day i’ll get to return to a similar atmosphere and actually be happy with my job wouldn’t that be nice?

I have never been into sports. Well, at least not participating in sports. I was an avid Braves fan back in the day, and I used to follow volleyball a LOT, but as far as participating? Nah. I was very awkward. I hated P.E. in school because I was so inept. I remember once we were playing baseball, and I was in the outfield, and the ball came to me, so I scooped up and threw it in to infield. Except, I released the ball a little early, and it ended up rolling along the ground. The girl on second base, who was a very athletic person and was involved in a lot of sports, stared at me in disbelief, and said out loud, “I can’t believe she *ROLLED* the ball.” Gosh, I was so embarrassed! I began to root my toes into the dirt, wishing I could make a hole big enough to fall into. Ugh!

And there was the time we had volleyball. I just could not get the overhand serve down. The ball would always land short of the net. So one of the teachers that was walking around told me to serve underhand. I did, and woosh! I got an ace! Yippee! The teacher smiled and nodded, and walked over to the next team, and I continued to serve underhand, and kept getting aces! All this, of course, made the other team mad, so when the other teacher came by (one of the teachers was the boys’ P.E. teacher, the other was the girls’, and since we were playing co-ed volleyball, they were both roaming around to the different teams on the court), they told her I was serving underhand. So she told me, no, you need to serve overhand. So of course, I do, and it goes short of the net again. Then this teacher walks away, and we’re playing again, and soon it’s my turn to serve again. So I start to take the overhand stance, when the first teacher came around again and was like, no, serve underhand. So I did, and got an ace and he walks away, and the other team complains to the second teacher, and I’m told I need to serve overhand again. Sheesh! Anyway, I never did like P.E.

I have no strength whatsoever. You don’t use very many muscles to lift the book you’re reading, which is what I did a lot. I hated those strength tests in elementary. I always got 0 seconds. I couldn’t even hold myself up for a measly second! My teacher even made allowances for me by letting me hold the other way, but I still couldn’t. I would long for P.E. to be over so that we could go back to academics. I hated when they replaced May Day with Field Day in 5th grade. UGH. It was especially bad for me because 5th grade always did the May Pole dance, and since Kindergarten, I’ve always been amazed at the beautiful patterns they made on the May Pole just by holding a ribbon and going in and out of each other! I couldn’t wait until I was in 5th grade and would learn how to do that dance! And then the darn school decided that we’ll have May Day every other year, with Field Day in the in between years, and the first Field Day was when I was in 5th grade! grrrrrrrrrrr. I prayed and prayed for rain that day, and luckily, it drizzled enough that we had to postpone Field Day, then I think I was sick for the make-up day I guess I know I’m not good, and I hate letting down the teammates. When they see they’re partnered with you, they have such a look on their face that it kinda makes you feel like, well, I’ll show them! And then you don’t, and just end up feeling embarrassed.

Now that I’m “grown-up” and have a child, I see my boy now entering that scary field of sports. He’d much rather stay home and read, but I think I forgot all my hate of P.E. when I signed up my son for sports. I had wanted him to be more active, and learn about competitiveness and sportsmanship and getting along with others in a sportslike atmosphere. I knew since I was small that if I had a boy, I would sign him up for baseball. It’s all my boy cousins did growing up, all the way to college. It’s what my nephew is currently doing. So my son was going to be next. I also signed him up for soccer, since my niece is really into that, and I thought it would be fun for him. Boy, was I wrong!

My son says he enjoys soccer, but he really is SO not into the game. He’s running around with the team, but it’s obviously other things are in his head. He’s not even looking at the ball, he’s just following where the mass of people are. Balls have gone past him several times, and because he wasn’t looking down, like everyone else is, he missed them. I’d get so angry at him! “Pay attention!” I’d yell at him.

Baseball was the same way. Luckily, you don’t have to be constantly “on” when you’re playing baseball, so he tended to do better, but still, even swinging the bat is just so awkward for him. *sigh* Poor thing inherited my awkwardness in sports, and nothing from his athletic father.

I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t into the game. What was so hard about it? It wasn’t until last week that I remembered my own experiences. He’s just like me. He’d rather read or draw or write. He may be tall and lean, and have a good body-type for sports (people are always telling me, wooo, future football/basketball player, huh?), but that’s not his interest or his strength. It especially came to head when at our very last practice of the season, the coach decided to do a boys vs. the parents game. I was running around that soccer field thinking what the heck am I doing?!?! And I began to feel sad that I had forced my son to do these things when it was obvious he just wasn’t into it.

So today is his very last soccer game. I mean, if he gets the interest later on, of course, I’ll sign him up again. But right now? He’s more into dinosaurs and reading geography books. Maybe when the summer rolls around again, we’ll go for baseball, since it’s a short season and really, just for “fun” (they’re actually all supposed to be “just for fun,” but there’s something about summer that makes it seem lighter? or something?). We’ll get his trophy today and put it on the shelf beside his other soccer trophy and his baseball trophy, and that may be it for a while! But I’m okay with that. Just makes more room for all the writing awards he’s gonna get!

This morning, the school bus was late picking up the kids. The crowd of students grew as the minutes ticked by. The younger kids were running around but my attention was drawn to the high school crowd. I guessed it was spirit week because they were not wearing their typical uniforms, but were all dressed in alike colors–several with red, several with green, a smattering of orange. Class color day! Then I heard one of the students tell the younger students, “When you get to high school, make sure you vote for RED. RED! Red is the best.” He waved dismissively at the green-wearing students. “You don’t want to be all environmentalist. We don’t need the greenies. Choose RED. Red means STOP and take notice!” He went on and on, while being jeered by the green-wearing students. The orange-wearing students were rolling their eyes. I had to chuckle to myself, because that was all so familiar.

I attended this same school, and although we didn’t have uniforms when we were there, class color day was still a very special time. We were the RED class. RED! Bright! Bold! The Best! We had a choice between red, green, and orange when we were freshmen, and though there were a lot of write-ins for “silver”, red won out. I used to go all out on class color day. I’d dress in my best red outfit, along with bright red Lee press-on nails and red, red, red lipstick (keep in mind, I NEVER wore make-up, so this was out of the ordinary for me). I think my senior year, I even spray-painted my hair red! Well, the day before was Halloween, I think, and I had gone as Pebbles, so I just kept the red hair Anyway, wearing the red and seeing all your classmates wearing red really helps to build up your class pride! The class before us was purple, and the class after us was green, so we really stood out, no matter what campus we were on. People who normally didn’t hang out together would see a red walking down the hallway, and call out. Clumps of red moved through the little spots of purple (our 9th & 11th grade years) and green (our 10th and 12th grade years). It was really very unifying, more so than any of the other dress-up days of spirit week.

I had wondered how far they could go now because they’re so strict with dress codes and everything. I mean, we had dress codes back then, but now they have uniforms. Their hair can’t be dyed. Lots and lots of rules, and I wondered if they even had dress-up days any more? I thought it’d be hard to do that, if everyone has to look prim and proper in their crisp, pleated pants and pressed polos.

But today, I saw that the tradition is carried on. And here was a fellow red-y, going on and on about how red was the best, like how we used to do. I imagine we got a lot of snickering and eye-rolling from the greenies and the “purple reign”ers, but hey, we were proud of our class. We were a great bunch of students! And here he was, expressing how much his class was the best, being red (but of course, for much more). It made me smile and hope that when my boy finally makes it up to high school (though, on a side note, ACCKKKKK!!!!), red will be a choice for his class, and they’ll choose to be RED. The BEST.