I had to call FedEx for some tracking information. I wanted to speak to a Human. But of course I had to go thru the automated menu system aka IVR meaning Interactive Voice Response.
We’ve all been there, done that. Hang up or slam the dang phone because all we get is menus and we want is a warm body to answer the phone.
So I called FedEx. The machine starts telling me if I want this, say that. Its all voice recognition stuff.
For schechule please say schedule, for billing please say billing
Well, I wasn’t writing stuff down and I was doing the call for someone else, I wasn’t exactly sure of the topic I needed. The situation was she missed the FedEx man, he had just taken off; she wanted to know where his next stop was going to be so she could go catch him for a package he had delivered that was marked wrong address.
There is no option for: If you don’t know what topic it is juss say DA KINE.
So like I said I called the company and at the end of the IVR schpeel, it says: If you would like the menu repeated please say Repeat. So I said REPEAT. It goes thru the menu again and lolo me talking to da phone; I said WOT or “what?”
The menu talked to me! It said: Did you say billing, please hold while I connect you.
I hungup the phone because someone behind me was telling me something. Ok so I go thru the routine again. And somebody next to me said something and I started laughing while the IVR dilly was going. And again; The menu talked to me! It said: Did you say billing, please hold while I connect you.
Needless to say I got thru on the third try, finaling learning I can’t talk or laugh while a computer is talking to me. Yes I did get a human. The person was helpful but not enthused or smiling on the phone, she sounded totally bored.
Myself, I’ve done a bunch of customer service on the phones. It wasn’t my favorite thing to do but if I was gonna do it I might as well enjoy myself. So with me, I got warnings for talking story too much with customers. LOL When I know a person is calling me from a certain area, I will ask about weather or this and that. I use to have fun.
I’m good at shooting the breeze. I learned alot of things about places by talking to people who called from all over the US. Then again you gotta consider da clientele. My customers were all bikers. They were/are an interesting bunch. But I digress…..(as usual)
So people ~ if you need an IVR cheat sheet, go to: http://www.paulenglish.com/ivr/
This guy got pissed off at the automated system and seriously did something about it. Unlike people like me who just BLOG IT. This guy, bless his heart; compiled a list of companies with phone numbers and STEPS TO FIND A HUMAN.
What is this world coming to when we need steps t find a human? The phone was invented to call humans, so then humans invented the computer to answer their calls cause its cheaper then paying a human.
Are we not going in a vicious circle here? Humans want to speak to humans, companies haven’t figured that out yet? *L*
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January 14th, 2006 at 8:36 am
My head is spinning from my drunkard stupor last night. I got to go visit MAMA then cook. I going be laughing all fricken dy thinking about this entry of yours on my BIRTHDAY. You are too MUCH!!!!!!!
mY STOMACH SORE FROM LAUGHING!
Lynn
January 14th, 2006 at 9:18 am
I feel stupid talking to a machine, answering the questions, repeating myself. It’s demeaning. So I just hit “0″, bypass all that crap and most always, a human will come on the line.
January 14th, 2006 at 7:27 pm
Hui Tita:
As a designer of some of those systems, let me just tell you that it’s not the fault of the technology; it’s the fault of the designer of the application.
Some systems are designed so well that you can speak in complete sentences (the really expensive systems) and the algorithms that are used are able to pick out the key words or phrases that will get you to where you want. The cheap systems force you to say the right words or they keep repeating until you get frustrated and hang up or until you figure out the words the system wants to hear.
When in doubt, press 0 for the ones where you have to use the dialpad to touch in your choices, or for those speech recognition applications (the ones that let you speak what you want), saying “Customer Service”
or “Help” will probably get you to a live body.
Tita Miulang
January 15th, 2006 at 6:38 am
Miulang ~ Sooooo you da one! hehehehehe
Eh, you can design one in Pidgin? Dat would be soooo funny. And if da IVR hears “WOT?” from da custamah (dat would be me) da response should be “Eh LISTEN Deaf’EA I said…” LOL
Malama pono.
January 15th, 2006 at 7:26 pm
On April 15, 2002, FEDEX closed the Hawaiian Call Center located in Hawaii Kai. Along Kalanianaole Highway, Roy’s Restaurant was in the white building at the corner, and we were in the twin building next to it. I used to watch the canoe clubs practice from the second story window while I took calls…
Anyway, I transfered to the Sacramento Call Center. I answer calls from Hawaii 80% of the time. I get customers from Hawaii that I talked to for over 10 years. My Hawaii calls can last up to 30 minutes, just talking story. I haven’t gotten caught yet!!!
To get a human, just say “rep”. Hopefully, you’ll get me!!!
Aloha,
C. Ray