Lika’s Log

A lot of times I feel intimidated. I’ve figured out its an inferiority complex, lack of confidence thing. A total mind trip on my part. I don’t think people see me as someone who is intimidated easily. Cause like I’ll just roll my eyes and make funny face but that too is a “coping” mechanism yeah. *L*

in·tim·i·date /ɪnˈtɪmɪˌdeɪt/ Pronunciation[in-tim-i-deyt]

–verb (used with object), -dat·ed, -dat·ing. 1. to make timid; fill with fear.
2. to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc.
3. to force into or deter from some action by inducing fear: to intimidate a voter into staying away from the polls.

Actually I fill myself with fear and freak myself out. Whats going on in my mind and what actually going on being two different ends of the spectrum. In my mind any way.

I think part of that comes from not knowing and a lack of experiece. Wait. Doesn’t that sound like s-e-x? oh sorry - distracting myself…lol

I mean like the “unknown” factor yeah - and the only way to get thru that is to face it head on. (ok I was gonna insert another s-e-x thought, but neva mind).

Insecurity. Thats what it is ain’t it?

Like for instance, I use to work at the New Mexico Tech Library (back in da card catalog days) and they have some of the most brilliant professors and students from all over the world. There was this ugly mean European professor who nobody wanted to deal with because he was always mean and loud too.

One day I had Reference Desk duty and here he comes mumbling and grumbling. Blah blah blah. I think he was a Metallurgy professor. I learned all about different -urgys & ologys when I worked there. Anyway Prof was yowyowing about this that and the other. I told him - lets go look in the card catalog….. and I went go look for whateva big word he told me. So we found something anden I explain to him you can look unda dis or dat too might get somemoe stuff; us go look. I go takem to da section and his eyes all light up. Duh? He was all cool afta dat. BECAUSE he neva know how fo’find one book. So now he know no need yell.

I guess sometimes I fo’get I not as stupid as I think. Anden sometimes I know I moe studpid den I is. I forget we all stupid about something but we are also smart about other things.

I mean like the Professors I use to be around, brillant in their fields of hydrology, volcanology and whateva else -ology had. But common sense wise, I dunno; dey wen miss da boat or someting.

I guess I’ve been having these “inferiority complex” feelings because again I’m around some very brilliant people and I ain’t up to parr on the jargon and subjects yet. I’ve been feeling very special ed-ish, although I know from experience I just gotta study a little bit moe harda because I little bit moe dense. It takes me a while to get it. hehehe But I “subsequently” do. LOL

Most of the “wierdo” feelings is just cause I’m wierd like that. Its true you shouldn’t let them see you sweat. Even truer, its possible to fake it till you make it. *L*

This entry was posted on Friday, December 7th, 2007 at 5:07 pm and is filed under Da Kine. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.