Lika’s Log

I was so happy to read the story in the Star Bulletin about Kunia. Koo-nee-AH. KU-nee-ah. If you’re old school, if you are true to da pidgin English, IF you from Kunia - dey say: KOON-yuh!

http://starbulletin.com/2008/05/29/news/story01.html

One plantation village saved. They have the greatest view and it would be so sad to see that place riddled with condos and so miss labled - AFFORDABLE HOUSING. In whose lifetime? But I digress.

I have a lot of fond memories of Kunia. My first job was there. My bestest friends are from there. I think I was 12 or 13, when I first went to Kunia. I got drugged there, you know back in da day wen parents say WE going here or there. There was no debate, you just went like it or not, go or get licking and you going still end up going so may as well just go. We went for a rosary/prayer thingee watchamacallit. What was its a catholic thing? Hmmmm
Santa Catalina? No its not Santa like Santa Clause, you have to use your bookbook Spanish accent: Sun-TAH KahTAHleenah. LOL Or something to that effect.

We had to pray then eat. Cause you know if you are gonna make people pray, you betta feed’um. Kunia has a lotta mana’o. It juss does. I think that has to do with aina and the people there. It is rich in “stories.” I always think I know plenny stories about Kunia anden I hear my friends tawkstory and its too much fun.

Kunia people are…. FUNNY. Drama, dysFUNction, like any other small village town, its where everybody knows your business before you do.*L* Anyway back in day da day was la dat.

I was reading the comments made about the article and some of that shitjusspiss the crap outta me. Cause everything is political and its all about something else and dis dat an the other. Kunia is not getting developed into a Mililani, you guys cannot just be happy about dat? Kunia remaining as is for now, people no have to get uprooted and move to “affordable” housing.

Kunia has all these landmarks & notable places nothing thats on a map or anything; Pregnant Lady, Tree Rocks lol Three Rocks, da bridge wit da crying baby. Some of the stuff I was told was BS, cause I was da outsider and my friends told me anykine lolo stuff that I kinda believed and moe worst I remember.

Like last time I was talking story with my #1 Kunia friend; I asked “Woteva happened to da hermit dat live up in da mountains?” She looked at me like I was nuts, “wot hermit?” I told her da stories dey told me. She looks at me and says “you know I tink we told you plenny bull lie-ya kine stories yeah; moe worst you rememba’um.” *L*

Kunia Store was da place to be wen pau hana in da pineapple fields. OH as da only place get. Our Luna & ada peoples use to call us da Hollywood gang. Had all da 15-16yr olds from Kunia and me; instead of wearing goggles on da truck us all wore sunglasses. We were bad. LOL Anden we would put our goggles over our sunglasses, da luna use to come check if get space on da side. If get space gotta hemo da sunglasses but if da goggles touching against da skin den ok. Speaking of Lunas, who was my luna? HAJIMI!

Anden I had Mr. Funai too. Mr. Funai was one teacha from Wailua HS I think. He was funny. One of da ada girls from Waipahu, even doe her Filipino her last name was O’Clary. Mr. Funai was like ha’come Filipino get Irish last name, I going make my name O’Funai moe betta. I had fun working pineapple fields. One lesson I learned working pineapple field is no drink in da hot sun cause da pineapple fields start moving up and down ja’like waves.

One person in Kunia use to call me Gawjess. Too funny, Timoche. I neva mean to get him all “messed up” on Boonseberry or Key Largo or woteva cheap wine had at SS’s graduation party. Bugga was walking down 2nd street (or is it 3rd) yelling for GAWjess. Nobody could figgah out who GAWjess was including me. Who knew? Dey took him home and next ting you know he was walking down da street looking fo’GAWjess. GAWjess you get som’moe fo’drink, you my friend hah GAWjess? *L* Cause see way earlier, Timoche was sitting next to me and we talking country right so people pass da bottle or cup around share. So if I got it I pass it to Timoche, I neva know everytime I gave it to him he would drink. I didn’t drink all da time, I pass’um on. Well somebody drank enough for both of us. Good memories.

Kunia is funny la dat. One of my ada Kunia friends wants her ashes spread on the yard of the house that she grew up in (YEAH RD! lol). Um’ hello, somebody still stay live deya? *L* Kunia people are da best. Da stories are even betta. hehehehhe

Get Kunia Village reunion every other year (the even years) at where else; California Hotel in Las Vegas. They just had one this past May so the next one is first weekend May 2010. I like go just to hea da stories…….

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Shuttup ~ you guys all ready laughing, ok maybe thats just me.

So I was in da gym this morning. Yeah, I made it to the gym thats always a good thing. Anyways I figure I hardly go gym except on weekends so wot da hey I go use ALL da machines. Ok not really, it was a legs day, so all da leg kine machines.

I sat in da Leg Abductor machine. Da machine that you sit in and spread your legs apart. Or is it Adductor, eda way I did both. So as I did dat, for some reason I could hear voices from da past SCOLDING me. I started laughing cause I rememba fo’eva getting scolding small time (ok now too, shuddup) cause I sit wit my legs wide open. Da Visayan word I think is da kine: Bee-lung-kud?

As a little girl wearing dresses my Grandma or somebody would always slap me on the side of the thighs. For a long time I didn’t get it. Wot no can see my panty, wots da problem? It took a long while to figure out why girls no’pose to sit la dat. I rememba being scolded & slapped: NO Bee-lung-kud! I never asked why. Why, cause I woulda gotten moe lickens and I awreddy got slapped. No need ask why. I came from da generation of if you ask “certain” things you get “certain” lickings. So shuddup.

My kids find it hard to believe when I told them once upon a time girls couldn’t wear pants to school. It wasn’t till junior year in high school that the dress code was changed and girls were allowed to wear pants. We always wore dresses or blouse & skirts wit shorts undaneath. I finally figured out why you not suppose to BEE-lung-kud; but still yet if I get shorts on can, hah? LOL

As I sit da way I sit, all I can say is sitting “la dis” is comfortable. You know what I mean. You no have to have one boto for sit wit you legs apart, I mean boto-less people should sit da way dey like sit. Oh yeah and dey do in da privacy of dey own home. LOL

So den in da gym I was doing da exercise dat you push your legs apart. It works the outside of the thighs right, getting rid of/minimizing dat “sexsatary spread.” In our family, da wahines have serious thighs. My sista calls it da family curse. She says “look at da skinny ones even dem get thick thighs.” Curses can be blessings. And you know what, when you’re grown up, you can bee-lung-kud weneva you like. LOL

I did da push you legs apart so gotta even’um out right, I went and did da pull your legs togedda. That exercise helps the inner thighs. Or so it says. You sit there “bee-lung-kud” - legs wide apart then you pull then together. Simple enough. So simple I’m thinking how much can I do? I keep adding 10 lbs increments. It gets harder to do but its still doable. Especially since it dawned on me “EH dis going make my belot muscle strong hah?” Its like doing kaegel exercises from da outside in. Kapakahi Kaegels? Its working the same area, da belot section. Right?

I did 100 lbs you know. I don’t know how dat translates into psi (pressure per square inch) but beware, I could damage “stuff” dat get between these thighs!

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These Islands da hula. Not da actual island island.

We had a gig today at lunch time. We performed for the Asian/Pacific Islander Appreciation luncheon for employees of the State of Arizona Corrections Department. Or something like that. First time all I heard was “we’re dancing for the Dept of Corrections.” My questions was, “da guys in da jumpsuits, is dat allowed ain’t dat tacky?” Duh it was for the Corrections Dept emplyoees, not the inmates. Ok, da correction officers and the staff of the corrections department, K-I get it. LOL Took me a while doe.

It was a lunch time thing. I just had to do 2 songs. One was “These Islands.” Ms. Solo ova hea, hala. I’ve not danced dat song since Sept O7 at Gatherings, yeah. I had to go to youtube.com for a refresher course. *L* Although that was kinda kapakahi, I got da timing little bit moe betta. Dat one I wen go way too fast da first part. But who knew? Dats da cool thing about doing solo, nobody else to compare me to. heehehe

So anyway I did the dance. Small audience. I dunno if anybody but me wen cry. LOL nah nah nah I neva. Ok 1 tear. two. Two and one hanabutta. No but I did the dance felt comfortable and dat always a good feeling. No body wen yell hana ho o’ notting, oh prolly cause no was one local-ish crowd. It was very subdued. Everybody being all prim & proper kine cause had big bosses or whateva. The crowd had this “formal feel.” Which is not a bad thing, just on the straight and narrow. Like totally opposite of the Aloha World Gatherings audience. nah nah nah

Its kind of a weird feeling dancing dat song. Funny good kine feeling weird. NOT weird strange spooky kine. Probably its because I know Danny, well not really know him but we’ve talked story la dat wheneva he comes to our class reunions cause I know his ada half. But I just think its strange weird cool that I know how to dance to a song that I know the writer and singer of.

So den, hana ho bumbye. *L*

Sonogram or Ultrasound, whats the difference. Isn’t it the same thing. It use to be called a sonogram and now its called an ultrasound. Something like that. Well, anyway…ne’mind.

I saw pictures of my 1st mo’opuna aka Grandchild. Sonogram pic-chas. Ultrasound pic-chas. Woteva, those black and whites on thermal paper…those kine. Everything seems to be on track and going well. I asked if everything was on track….my daughta says yes, the fetus is about the size of a hand, she’s 18 weeks and the baby measures 19 week-ish.

Considering that both Grandpa’s are 6′2″ ish or taller and da baby’s daddy is 6-4ish, this is going to be a big baby. Oh yeah AND Baby’s Daddy was born 10lbs 13ozs. My daughta looks big too, just da front of her. LOL She’s looked hapai since 3 months. First time I was hapai, 6months I was clubbing in Waikiki no could tell I was hapai anden I blew up afta dat but I digress. LOL

Daughter is not going to do the “findout if its a boy or girl” ultrasound. She’s going old school and surprise everybody including herself. At first I thought it was two. Wishful thinking on my part, always wanted to play (shop) for a boy&girl twin. Maybe #2 will make some. LOL But twins have been ruled out. Its just one person in there. I had a dream that this baby is a boy BUT I didn’t tell daughta, so you guys no tell. LOL Even the doctor told my daughta this is going to be a big baby. Considering none of my babies were over 7lbs. Even my son, hudhead lost an ounce, I think coming into this world, he was 6lb 15ozs. One moe ounce he woulda been a 7lb-er BUT NO to he had to pull a 360’s turning around burning enery as I was shitting that child out…..

The women in my family are considered petite, that is untill they have kids anden da single wide turns into a double wide. The females that I know from his family are average height.

So my thought is either my daugta is having a baby sumo dude OR one big Tita-girl!

Estimated Time of Arrival: October 19, 2008

I have friends who have died. But I haven’t had any of my close close, from hannabuttah days or they’ve always been there for me kine friends makediedead. You know what I mean…..

I just assume they’ll ALWAYS be there. Because thats how its always been, right. And we or at least I just think they will be there forever and I’ll go first. So den I don’t have to mourn or go funeral or heal or do what ever needs to be done when it hurts so bad from the inside out that you don’t know what to do but cry.

So then the solution is to just cry. Cry for all that there is or isn’t, have or have not, shoulda, coulda, woulda but neva mind no need awreddy too late. Cry because thats part of the process and if you don’t then you’re missing a step or somethings missing. If you don’t cry now, five or ten years down the road the tears will flood out of no where and it will mess you up. But if you cry now, den bumbye da crying be less painful less messed up. Maybe.

Death makes me check my mortality. Small kid time I thought only old people die. My thought then was I probably die when I’m 30. Cause when you’re little, 30 is dang old. Ok so I passed 30 and I was like “hootah I’m still here and I no like makediedead.” Like I have a choice right? When my kids were little, one of my fears was them not having a parent(s); who would take care of them, would they turn out ok? My kids are grown now, they turned out better then ok and I know they can take care of themselves, so I’m good to go. LOL Sortakindabutnotreally. hehehe

I know I’m chickenshit saying I wanna go first so I don’t need to go to other peoples funerals, cry and mourn. But as a grown up (cause you know I’m at dat grown up age) I know what happens happens. Its not about what I want or I hope happens; its about the faith of my faith. Its about the strength that we find in our faith, family and friends.

I saw two movies this weekend. Wow when was the last time I did that? Been a while, I think.

Saturday night we went to see Ironman but it was sold out. I guess everybody else wanted to see it too. So we ended up seeing Narnia: Return of Prince Caspian? Is that the name? Narnia II, that one. We went to da 8:30pm showing and people brought their little kids. Why? More then half of them was passed out asleep before the end of the movie. I think its called pass their bedtime.

I love the talking animals. Badger. I think that would make a badass name. I don’t think my daughta would go for it though. Cause I suggested Jaguar or Panther. What - its a Native thing yeah. LOL Then I figured if you name a kid Jaguar the kids will tease’um Jagoff; ok so scratch that name off the list. But Badger, now thats a ball players name ain’t it? But I digress…..

Its the basic good vs evil. Kill the heir to the throne so the next person can be king. The oppressed and oppressors. I love when the trees came alive and kicked ass. The talking mice was cute but still ewwwll. Rodents. *L* The Centaurians were awesome. Hard to tell whats real or computer generated nowadays.

One topic of debate about the movie has been about the amount of violence. Yes cause its war and thats what happens in war. So if the movie is too violent then don’t take your kids. Its that simple. Why you gotta bitch and moan? I agree there’s a lot of fighting between the good guys and the bad guys. I don’t think its any more or less fighting then whats on TV or the news. I’m sure the kids have watched fighting or played computer games that includes was fighting so NOW its a big deal. Thats an easy fix. Do not take your kids to go see a movie that has a lot violence because it has a lot of violence. Just say no. Whats to debate? You know what I mean. Better yet let the kid read the book first then they can go see movies. You know too many kids are not reading these days.

I love movies like Narnia. So imaginative. To see it on the screen is so real like. Need to by the DVD’s when its out.

Went to see Ironman this morning. We should all be that genius when held captive in a cave? LOL Its cool to see comics come to life. Waiting to see Ironman II all ready. Will the sexual tension between Ms. Potts and Mr. Sparks be statisfied? Hmmm stay tuned.

My daughter and her friend were talking and her friend asks “Whats Ironman about?” My daughter explained that it was an old comic book character kind of like X-men etc. I said “Yeah your Dad had the orignal Ironman comic books.” My daughter looks at me, “I didn’t know it was THAT old.” *L*

Hey Old School rocks, look at Jagger. LOL

I don’t hardly watch the news on TV anymore. I read online bits & pieces. I get sad & depressed readding about disasters. Its freaky. I remember being mesmorized by the 9/11 on TV when it happened. Especially seeing the 2nd plane hit - live. All the media just focused on the disaster, you know. Over and over and over. It can really get to some people. Its called “turn off the TV.” I know huh?

The media is there to infor and educate. But at the same time there’s a certain amount of de-sensitization going on. Disasters start to become a normal thing. Its like; Oh another fire. OH another tornado. OH a frkng earthquake….

OMG & the earthquakes in China….the upcoming Olympics. How do you even plan being in a foreign country when disaster strikes. Like the Tsunami….scarey shit. You can’t hold back or control Mother Nature. Geologist will all tell you that the California/West Coast earthquake is inevitable. Its gonna happen sooner or later. We all hope for later but how late is later and how soon is sonner. There’s been a whole lotta shaken going on in this world today so ya’neva know……

I can’t get sad if I don’t know there’s something to be sad about though right? I think as individuals we gotta think globally but act locally huh? We do what we gotta do. Whatever works.

I always think….. Ok this happens to me….what do I do? Plan A…. Plan B…. Oh wait, I don’t have a plan.

I mean how do you plan for natural disasters, you know what I mean? You do the best you know or think you know. What happens happens. Ya’think?

I keep my vehicle filled with gas. Just because. Thats me. My son says “MA you always get plenny gas what you saving it for; you ready to leave if get one natural disaster.” Depends - define natural disaster. Cause I mean if I’m gonna get messed up is some kind of disaster, I just assume not be on a road or highway. I would rather stay home, ya know. LOL

I can’t dwell on it though, I get miserable, sad and depressed. What can I do? Pray.

Ok yeah I can do that.

I walked 5 miles yesterday morning. Who would have thunk it? I haven’t walked that far since I was a kid in Waipahu; walking from one end of Waipahu - Wigwam(?), GoodyGoody Drive Inn - and back down across da “use to be new” high school. Those days it was rare for kids to have cars so most of the time we walked to where ever we were going.

Well yesterday morning I participated in the Sovereignty Day celebration of the Ft McDowell Yavapai Nation. This walk commemorates an incident/a standoff that happened on May 12, 1992. Background information:

During the early 1990’s, several tribal casinos, including Ft McDowell, were in operation in Arizona. In accordance with the provisions of the federal 1988 Indian Gaming Regulatory Act, the tribes were waiting to sign gaming compacts with the state government. At the time however, the governor opposed Indian gaming and called upon the US Attorneys’s office for support. Unannounced raids by FBI agents on five Indian casinos wer ordered. At the first light of day on May 12, 1992; the agents invaded the Ft McDowell casino seizing the community’s 349 gaming machines and loading them into moving trucks. Community members witnessing the raid took immeidate actiion. They called other community members, tribal leaders and the news media. Soon, using every available car, truck and heavy machinery; a blockade of the casino’s access road was organized. The violence, a three week standoff between the trive and government ensued. The Arizona governor ultimately was persuaded to sign a gaming compact with then Ft McDowell Yavapai Naiton Presdient Clinton Pattea, paving the way for Indian gaming in Arizona.

There was a lot of people. It was a leisurely pace, not a race and it was led by the Veterans color guard. There was three rest stops/breaks where there was water and fruits provided and the porta potty. There were people of all ages, all races and there was a horse drawn wagon at the very back filled with the elderly. There were kids on bikes and razors, babies of all ages being pushed in their strollers. It was a really nice morning. Not too hot and not cold, it was good day to walk 5 miles. We walked from the Casino to the Recreation Center. At the Rec Center they had a short program and they fed us Indian Tacos, hamburgers, hot dogs and a really huge, ono cake. Whatever pounds we lost walking five miles, we gained it right back eating lunch.

FYI: Indian Tacos: A fry bread (flat puffy deep fried bread usually the size of a dinner plate - yes cholesterol) topped with beans, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, cheese and salsa &/or chilies. (In New Mexico they usually ask if you want red or green chili) Very ono and fattening.

They also had a raffle. They had some awesome prizes. The main prizes were 2 sets of tickets to the DBacks game. Also one of the prizes was tickets for two to all of the Casino’s special performances/concerts/shows for the rest of the year. No, I did not win anything, shoots. The also had a bunch of other neat prizes.

Some community members spoke of their experience of May 12, 1992. They said that there were FBI agents with their sniper rifles on the roof of the casino pointed at the people. People credited the women for organizing the community. They said it was a very spooky three weeks because there was always guns pointed in their direction and they were thankful that there weren’t any casualties. More so they spoke to the children and told them the reaction of the community and its positive outcome is the definition of sovereignty. The community standing up to the government was an example of exercising the Tribes sovereign rights. Because of this Tribes actions they have set a precedence that other native communities & the state of Arizona have benefited from.

Sovereignty is a hard word to explain. The best explanation I think was this book my professor used in Pol Sci class, it was a book written by somebody Kicking Bird, I think. Anyways - the explanation of sovereignty that I understand is that - its like a bundle of sticks. One stick you can easily break but a bundle of sticks is not easily broken at all. To me its the opposite of divide and conquer.

So while I’m on this subject I may as well put in my 2cents worth about Hawaiian Sovereignty.

As long as the Hawaiian people are divided in as many factions that there are, the people will be dominated/conquered by dominate society. Meaning notting going change. It is important to BE TOGETHER as ONE sovereign nation. Not nationalist, seperatist, Ainokea-ist, different island, west side, east side, LEEWARD side baybee, nah nah nah. But do you know what I’m saying?

As a local wahine born raised ova deya in da aina and as a person who has lived on three different Indian reservations - I was thinking the Hawaiian people have a lot of good examples of sovereign nations. There are lot of good things to be learned and many mistakes could be avoided. And granted the Hawaiian people are not Native Americans. They are not of the Americas. They are of Polynesia. Hawaiians should be/are a class of its own, having been wrongfully & illegally overthrown. Yet they constantly get “lumped” in as Native Americans, Indians whateva you like callem.’ Sometimes the government is like, ok Hawaiian are Native Americans so den we going give you funding from the Indian monies and the NDN’s are like eh, wait dey not Native Americans. You guys wen illegally kakaroach from dem and now you including us. Wotsupwit dat?

As long as there is IN-fighting and or factions among the Hawaiian peoples themselves, there will not be a sovereign Hawaiian nation because get way too much huhu there’s no pono-ness. Peoples blaming each ada, dem da one NOT you guys da one; dey dis, dem dat blah blah blah. Y’all need to ho’oponopono, get it together, get your land base, your social services, medical care; there needs to be a UNITED infrastructer. Stay all chop suey now, lets make one strong Nation first anden if you like beef - go for it. First things first, ho’oponopono and get it together. Easier said den done yeah. I mean come on now - get real, you not going kick out all da haoles. Da tourist maybe….LOL oh wait we need dem fo’fill da hotels. Eh wait comeback, juss make shua you go home doe and no buy house ova hea. Stay ova deya…

Sometimes I think da Hawaiian people are being played. Because as long as there are these factions - moe powa to da powas dat stay awreddy. Notting going change. The major change that needs to be done is aquiring land base and having a sense of solidarity. But hey wot da hell do I know, I live mainland. Too bad so sad. Lucky you live Hawaii anden!

[From this mornings emails.]

Summary of My Year on the Computer

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the e-mail about rat poop
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel
with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every
can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick
girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital
for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000.00 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are
sending me for participating in their special email program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I
have 363,214 angels looking out for me,
and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually
horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get
answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends
and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to
watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my
back seat when I’m pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people
who make these products are atheists who refuse
to put, ‘Under God’ on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in
my face… Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I
could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex
since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise..

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with
calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan

I no longer have any sneakers - but that will change
once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because
a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat
to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney
has given us. I can live a better life now because
he’s told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick
up $5.00 in the parking lot because it probably
was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don’t forget this one either!
I can no longer drive my car because
I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don’t send this email to at least 47,000 people
in the next 47 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea
will land on your head at 5:47 p.m. this afternoon and the
fleas from 47 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s
second husband’s Cousin’s beautician.

Have a wonderful day… AND a scientist from Argentina ,
after a lengthy study, has discovered that people
with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their
e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late!

I think if women remembered, truly remember the pain, the serious comfortable-ness of shitting out a child they would not have moe then one child. In fact if women seriously vividly remembered and related their physical hardship of bringing a child into this world, they would scare the bejesus out of the next generation and maybe kids wouldn’t have kids. LOL But I think with the mircle of birth comes the mircle of “how soon we fo’get” the true painful pain that one goes thru is erased with the joys of motherhood.

Some people deal with pain better then others. We all have a different “threshold” of what pain is. Some of us are more wusses then others. Some have a high pain tolerance, everyones wired different right. I think from a young age we develope the mental toughness or mental wussy-ness of what we equate pain to.

I had to fill out forms for a new yearly spread your legs checkup kind of doctor. So I was doing my homework of filling out the forms. Well one form, 12 pages and then some. Having to fill in the HISTORY of surgeries and what nots, I had to refer to a journal that I kept during my “challenging times.” There’s all the dates, doctors appointments when I went in and passed out and what not; what I did or more like what I couldn’t do.

Its strange to go back and read about how “not so good” I was feeling. Yet I functioned like nothing was wrong and my body just wanted to lie still and not move. Well I did a lot of that, but I think I also should have done more of not moving. I kinda know better now. I think I learned what helps me heal. We all know what makes us feel bad or sick but we all dont’ pay attention sometimes to the things that help us heal and make us better. Or I don’t I think. Cause in looking back, I know there are things I shoulda, coulda, woulda done different or better. Then again hind site is 20/20. Live and learn.

I think if I was truely afraid of not getting SICK again, not having to be in the hospital for one thing or another; then I would really loose weight. You know what I mean. With health issues everythings related and I feel like if I know that getting my rear in gear and DOWNsizing, I will be a healthier person . Right? Right. (As I eat a piece of cake.)

I know what makes me bigger then I should be. I know what I need to do. So I do both? DUH. Burn more calories and eat less calories. Then again you know, THERE’S NO CURE FOR HUD HEAD YEAH! *L*