I have friends who have died. But I haven’t had any of my close close, from hannabuttah days or they’ve always been there for me kine friends makediedead. You know what I mean…..
I just assume they’ll ALWAYS be there. Because thats how its always been, right. And we or at least I just think they will be there forever and I’ll go first. So den I don’t have to mourn or go funeral or heal or do what ever needs to be done when it hurts so bad from the inside out that you don’t know what to do but cry.
So then the solution is to just cry. Cry for all that there is or isn’t, have or have not, shoulda, coulda, woulda but neva mind no need awreddy too late. Cry because thats part of the process and if you don’t then you’re missing a step or somethings missing. If you don’t cry now, five or ten years down the road the tears will flood out of no where and it will mess you up. But if you cry now, den bumbye da crying be less painful less messed up. Maybe.
Death makes me check my mortality. Small kid time I thought only old people die. My thought then was I probably die when I’m 30. Cause when you’re little, 30 is dang old. Ok so I passed 30 and I was like “hootah I’m still here and I no like makediedead.” Like I have a choice right? When my kids were little, one of my fears was them not having a parent(s); who would take care of them, would they turn out ok? My kids are grown now, they turned out better then ok and I know they can take care of themselves, so I’m good to go. LOL Sortakindabutnotreally. hehehe
I know I’m chickenshit saying I wanna go first so I don’t need to go to other peoples funerals, cry and mourn. But as a grown up (cause you know I’m at dat grown up age) I know what happens happens. Its not about what I want or I hope happens; its about the faith of my faith. Its about the strength that we find in our faith, family and friends.
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