I always say I hate funerals but I think its a love hate relationship kind of thing.

Funerals are for the living cause you figgah da makidiedead person don’t give a care. Its the living that get all sad or pilikia or indifferent or crazy.

Funerals are for saying good bye. Closure.

At one point in my life I told myself the next funeral I go to is going to be by own. I so lied, right. Since that time I been to more the a few. Hard to not go sometimes, its a matter of obligations, of face, loyalty, respect et. al. I had to go say good bye, right.

I think one of the reasons I hate funerals is that I’m a crier. I cry till my head hurts and my hearts way too heavy. Sometimes I think I’m cool I’m not crying and then I hear somebody bawling their eyes out and I start crying again. I cry when I see people who I know don’t usually cry, cry. I mean if they don’t hardly cry and here they are crying, it must be really sad, ain’t it. Anyway I think so.

Not all funerals are created equal, I suppose some organized better then others. Some more dramatic then others. I guess its the family and circumstances of death.

I think I told myself I’m not going to another funeral other then my own after a a baby’s funeral. Those are the saddest. Kids funeral. Teenagers, young people in general; their funerals always lead me to thinking of the things they could have of accomplished. With older people at least you know they have fullfilled some if not all their expectations, they’ve experienced life from youth to senior citizen, they truly have experienced life.

Funerals of friends of the same age bracket brings me face to face with my own mortality. Its crazy and its life, it just is. Mourn and move on, easier said then done a lot of times.

Funerals bring together some of the best reunions. People you’ve not seen in ages. Reconnections. I think thats one of the positives of funerals.

My MIL was buried this past Friday and everyone was saying how organized things was and it was put together really fast and pretty much efficiently. That all has to do with planning. Even the Funeral Home was impressed. For the record, I did not do anything but show up. Sad but true; thanks to my very efficient kids & DH.

You know how there’s always that one or two relatives that has to have or wants to have their two cents put in….. yeah there were those. They got squashed with a big fat no, early. And I think, thats what it takes; just a serious big fat no!

The issue we faced was pictures. My MIL’s 2 sisters, wanted this that or the other, how come there’s no pictures. And after telling them; THAT WAS HER REQUEST everyday for about 3 or 4 days they finally shuttup.

I’ve been to funerals in Oklahoma before but for the first time I noticed a big difference between HI & OK; they don’t give money or cards la dat. Its cultural, thats their way. I must not have paid attention before.

Another thing that bothered me was the “Sisters” who came by the next day expecting to “take or have” stuff. Who’s taking this & who’s taking that. These are elderly people so gotta be tactful and not disrepectful, right? The sad thing was/is; when my MIL needed her sisters most, they were not there. But soon as she’s gone, they are at the house asking for stuff, she said this and she said that. No she didn’t, you weren’t even around. And the freaking sad thing is they are just going to yardsale the stuff they do get. Its about money, not their memory blah blah blah.

I was telling DH, I don’t think my sisters would do me that way becasue I would not do them that way becuase we were not raised like that. How you go ask for peoples stuff the day after the funeral? Thats so wrong. Then again not all cultures/peoples da same yeah.

All this funeraling around got questions to pop up like “who would be your pall bearers?” My answer was “UM I never thought of that; nephews?” Then there’s the Plan B part, when I haven’t even thought of Plan A; What if the people you requested pass before you, who would you want to do it?? All I have is my ScoobyDoo answer, “aaaaaahhhhnono.” So I need to think of Plan A & B. At least the A part. I did the start the funeral jams playlist, e kala mai; Celebration of Life music. SPIRIT IN THE SKY LOL

DH’s family was surprised to hear that I was not going to be buried with/by DH. Why I gotta be by him when I makidiedead, what we going do? Besides we both believe you return to the earth you come from. I did not come from Cherokee County, OK – no disrespect intended. Its cold in Oklahoma. lol When I first heard DH say I could be buried in Oklahoma for free at their family graveyard; I had to make sure that does not happen. I got my reserve spot at Mililani. Y’all invited!

<3

2 Responses to “Funeral Issues”

  1. Mokihana says:

    I love how you write, tita. When my mom died, really unexpectedly, we were all in shock. So one week I went down to CA with my eldest dotta… all siblings and their DH or DW all talked about what to do, how foa hando stuffs. And we all knew that in our mom’s will it said, “Eh. Eef anybody going beef wit wat I wen say, den dey automatically get hemo from erryting”. Of course, was all in legal language lidat.

    Six weeks later we all went down again, us siblings and spouses and mo’opuna. And nobody wen come by asking foa stuffs. And we had no beefs. And nomo anybody try kakaroach nothing. All things considered, it went just about as good as it could have.

    My fadda was buried. My madda, cremated. Now all us gotta decide wat we going do.

    (Ho, I wen start out in good English and try look wat wen happen!)

  2. Babooze says:

    We no tink of stuff liddis till we git old no? As kkeds we tought we can live foevah…NOT! So hea we are doin’ wot owah parents an grandparents did. How u goin’ ack lid’at. I look aroun’ in da neigahood an tink whoa…we pretti soon goin’ be da ole folks in da lane now. I see how da siblings gittin oldah an tink oh gee i need fo’ go see dem, mebbe da lass time no? Das why we wen go da aina lass year. Oldest sistah not wun spring chicken anymoah an me eiddah. Found out wen i wen go bodysurf an aftah tree waves ho i wuz almost outta breath. Buggah wen reel me back in “Brah u not dat young anymoah”. Ack….bettah practice swimmin’ befoah i go back agin no?
    Wen owah Maddah’s wen pass away we wen bury her Maddah firs den Jutta an i wen go back to bury her, i neva ask fo’ anyting dat she had. I had all my memories, das enuff no? Wuz a tuff year dat. Bot Maddah left in wun span of 5 hours from dis earth but since deh neva met mebbe deh wen meet toggedah an go. Like Moki’s parents, my Faddah is buried an Mom wuz cremated an ashes laid out whea she took us to da beach. Life is like dat, come an go.\m/

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