Lika’s Log

I was checking out da Hawaiithreads.com site. I have no clue why, but I’m not allowed on deya. No matta how many times I have registered or email da buggas, GypsyLika no can. So neva mind I tired awreddy. I figgah has someting to do wit my computa. No pilikia. But I go insai read la dat. So I saw one of Lynn’s postings, get da lipstick lips.

I rememba seeing’um befoe BUT da bugga wasn’t moving making cho-cho lips. Now da lips stay move, hah. Kiss kiss kine. I was reading something dat was posted and and dat Lip pic-cha kept going like da evaready bunny neva stop, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss……..

I stay reading, reading; next ting I know my belot stay squeezing to da rhythm of da lips. Hala, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze……. I started cracking up. Its a reminder to do your belot exercise!

Yes da belot needs exercising too. Ja’like da mind. Da belot gotta be strong and ready for da next attack right. You neva know. Gotta be prepared. You neva know if going get INCOMING ~ OK yeah you going know wen da bugga going puinsai! But you gotta be strong no can be one pussy, just cause dey call it pussy. You know wot I’m saying.

So I was like OMG ~ I’m inspired, I must write about da belot exercise. I knew da correct name/terminology was called “Cagle Exercise”. I neva know how for explain’um except say “squeeze your belot muscles” I was afraid I confuse somebody, I wanted correct terminology. So I went to da trusted webmd.com. Obviously I neva know how fo’spell cause I had a hard time finding’um. Until I went put “vaginal exercises” den it came up with “Kegel exercise”. Hooo, I was putting cagal, kagal, kegal, every which way but da correct way.

Ok so da lesson for today is; da correct terminology for BELOT EXERCISE is KEGEL Exercise. I tink named afta da Docta who discovered the exercise. Obviously he wasn’t Filipino or you know it would have been named Belot Exercise.

I know my OB/GYN told me this exercise is good to do when you stay standing in line in da store, post office, DMV, where ever. Exercise da belot; excuse me, her said vagina. Her said when you sitting down at work or at da computah la dat; straighten your back and squeeze da vaginal area & pull in da abdomen in. It pushes you chest out, shoulders back and your okole out and dats a good ting. This strengthens da lower back too.

I rememba my Grandma dem use to talk about dis subject. Dey neva tawt I understood Visayan, I know nouns and verbs. Obviously I know belot. My Grandma, her neighbors, my Mom & Aunty dem would be talking story about dis subject especially afta somebody had given birth. Dey would be cracking up and telling “old wives tales” about what can be done to make da belot come strong again afta pau give birth. I rememba somebody said dat afta you pau give birth you should eat fresh green onions, da whole ting stalk and all. Dey said it makes yo’belot hard again, anden dey would be laughing. At the time I didn’t get it and part of da time my Grandma would cova my ears and by da time she took her hands off my ears everybody was laughing so hard.

If you guys & gals are clueless as to what I’m talking about just go to hawaiithreads.com and check out one of Lynn’s posting. 1st Wahine. Try go look see. As da rhythm you gotta have, oh yeah uh huh. You figgah, if da lips was vertical instead of horizontal den as da kine hah dat? K~everybody get da pic-cha.

From webmd.com:

Kegel exercises

Squeezing the same muscles used during urination. These are the muscles that are involved in stopping urine midstream. The stomach and buttocks should not move with this flexing.
Holding the squeeze for 3 seconds, then relaxing for 3 seconds.
Repeating the exercise 10 to 15 times per session.
For best results, more than three sets of Kegel exercises should be done every day.

Sooooo……….Ladies right now, squeeze, give me ten; make it twenty…… oh yeah, uh huh uh huh you can do this……we may be outta whack or outta shape BUT we are gonna have STRONG belots! Oh yeah, guys are gonna be scared of us…….*L*

Today’s topic is inspired by Lynn & Lurkah. Da question Lynn asked is: Are Boto’s Ugly? Lurkah’s comment included ‘DA WAY OF DA BOTO’.

For the record; I’m totally heterosexual. There’s no boto wotsoeva hanging between my legs. What da hell would I do if there was something dingalinging between my legs; I couldn’t even image. Pee standing up, water specific plants, vandalize somebody’s gas tank, just go behind da car, truck or building, no need toilet paper just drip dry or shake it in da wind. Have a REAL pissing contest. Which reminds me of this story/guys can relate:

My son was in da 1st grade and we seen his friend in the supermarket. After we were in da next aisle my son told me, “We call him da Fireman.” I was like, “oh does he want to be a fireman?” My son was says “No Mom, in da school bathroom he’s the winner, he can pee from this far and make it go in.” (He paced off the distance for me) Before I could ask he showed me, “I only can do it from this far”. Boys do these things huh, Little Boys and Big Boys!

You know why God neva give me boto ~ cause he gave me big thighs and no moe room down deya awreddy. Ova crowding bumbye. Been ova crowded since day one, there is no space for anymore flesh.

I’ve never given a second thought to weather the male genitals are ugly or cute? Dey all kinda looked da same in general. Then again I really haven’t seen that many penis-es in person you know. I’ve seen pic-chas. OH, I’ve seen porn movies. SSSshhhhh no tell. LOL In da ones I seen, da guy had da longduckdong kine; you know da part horse looking size penis BUT da buggah had Ed Zachary disease or was hairy. You know Ed Zachary disease? Pakay doctah says “You face look EdZachary like you ass!”

I’m sorry BUT I don’t jump on ugly or wolfman. Da hairy back, hair coming out of da neckline of da shirt, wolfman, fuzzy looking homosapien is a total turn off to me. Ugly is a total subject thing and ugly can be physical and/or personality. There are alot of really handsome guys who are ugly. For instance….just kidding hehehe, like I was gonna name names. *L*

I think women don’t think much of the penis cause they really don’t see it that much. Think about it, you always see naked women full frontal. When was the last time you saw a movie with a full frontal naked guy. Its perseption. Its about how much you have seen or not seen. I think for many women, the trauma lies in seeing ones male parental unit naked for da first time. Its a totally horrific experience, along with the thought of my parents did “WHAT” to create me.

I told my kids once, “yeah me & your Dad only did it 3 times!” One kid was yelling & laughing “eeeeeeewwwwwwwlllll ssssshut upppp”, another was covering their ears going “lalalalalalalalalalalalala” and the other was waving their hands in front of them screaming “too much information, too much information!”

I think when a guy sees his Dad naked for the first time its like, “oooohhhh cool I have one too!” its a prideful thing. For females its total trip, because one day they are going to have to, well they don’t have to; but eventually they will end “doing it” with a male penis. Unless of course they like the artifical type better. Then, hey woteva floats your boat.

Us old school wahines grew up sorta kinda sheltered compare to our own kids. I come from da generation dat taught holding hands could make you pregnant. Boto was a nasty nasty word, it was on da list with ‘fock’. LOL Alot of us did not learn about ‘fallatio’ or ‘cunninglus’ until we were married.

FYI: Lynn ~ Fallatio is female going down on male aka Blow Job! Cunninglus is male going down on female aka Eating!

Just thought I’d share some correct terminology there. *L*

Da first time dat I ever got my period I bled for 14 days. Two weeks of shoving a mini-mattress between my legs in my panty when I was 12 years old. I was traumatized for life!

In high school I use to have painful cramps. Like on day 2, dat almighty flood day. It would be for only one day but it was like a day of hopelessness, I felt so sick I was useless. Two asperins and sleep was always da cure. Sometimes I would run a high fever, once I fainted but most times it was just major cramps. After I gave birth I guess my body figured out having your rags is not pain, labor pains is pain and I never had bad cramps again. Just normal I can function kind of cramps.

I use to think I had one crooked belot or someting. Cause sitting in class with dis long wod of cotton between my legs was not comfortable. My belot stay one way and dat freeking pad stay going da ada way. So gotta ami right anden ami left. OR da ting stay crawling up my okole, gotta ack like I digging my ass. OR da ting stay crawling up my crotch gotta pushem’ down look like I stay scratching my belot. If you sitting in da front of da class or people stay sitting behind you as all hud fo’do and be discreet. But you sit in da back of da class, well hell just stand up and ack like one cowboy. Squat down, up and adjust! *L*

Once upon one time use to have da pink box and da blue box. Now its moe worst den choosing cereal. Get da regular, name brand or store brand, mini, maxi, long, night time kine (bleeding night time is different from daytime, bleeding is bleeding), lined, unlined, scented, unscented and in da new millinium it has sprouted wings! Which reminds me of dis story:

Son & I was doing our regular WalMarting. He was unloading da stuff in da cart onto da converyor belt. He picked up da package of Always with Wings. He looked at me and said in his manly voice, “SO Mom, do these work?” I answered him in my momly voice, “Yes, it improves my vertical, when I jump da wings flutter!” Da cashier bussass laughing. My son was holding his laugh (knowing da reason I embarass dat child is payback for all da times I had to go to da Principals office ladat), he smiled and looked at da cashier and said “ONLY my mom.” Den he was cracking up too.

Why were pads called “Sanitary Napkins”? Was it cause da word ‘mattress’ was all ready taken. If its a kind of napkin, how come you can’t find it by all da other napkins and papertowels. When I think of napkins I think of something you put on your lap or wipe your mouth and hands with NOT shove between your legs. And Sanitary, I ain’t even going there!

You know how there’s those Ink Blot Test. Its a pyschological test for something or other right. I use to wonder if there was like a Bleeding Belot Blot Test, cause you know get da kine psychedelic kine patterns yeah?

Gross warp sense of humor. Must be that trauma I went thru when I was 12 years old. *L*

By popular demand, NOT ~

It took a DUDE (aka Lurkah) to point out to me/us dat menopause, pre, post or otherwise are soap opera(s) of da female reproductive system. Many of us refer to da female genitailia as “Belot”. Its a term of endearment. Hahahaha, it can be, depending on da context. *L* Belot is Visayan/Filipino for Vagina! You know punani, fuma, chingching, downdeya, puinsai, cunt! Oh! how rude am I. Anyway you get da pic-cha.

The IUD was/is my preference of contraceptive between kids. After my BabyBoy was born like 24 years ago I had one put in. It works, I neva got hapai. I had da Lippes Loop put in sai, hehhehe. It like da Supaman S but graduated. Like it starts out big and get smaller dat kine graduate. Not gadg-u-gate kine.

I knew when I got it put in that it would eventually have to be removed. But’um outtasite outtamind. It didn’t bodda me and I neva bodda it. So anyway 23 years later I finnally figure out it needed to be removed. What with all my other issues I need to get myself right, right. Wrong.

I go to my OB/GYN and she says “its about time you think to get it out.” I thought I held the world record but she know its more like 26years. She reminds me that the Lippes Loop is so old they don’t even mention it anymore in the textbooks. I told her I know, webmd.com doesn’t have it either. Anything IUD they show the one that looks like a 7, I forgot wot its called.

So long story short: She tried once and da string went broke. (Its not really a string moe like one wire so you know its in there) So she says I’m so sorry, its so old its probably brittle. Yeah, so is my belot prolly. But I digress. So I go back another day when she get all her special “tools” and still yet no can come out. Bugga stuck. She tried for a month, 4 times. Stuck.

Had to go get Hysterocopy. Everybody thought I was getting a Hysterectomy. Hysteroscopy is sending cameras into your plumbing. In my case reproductive organs. Its an outpatient procedure but they knock you out the whole nine. They cut two slits about half an inch long, one on my abdomen da ada one in my piko. Anden dey shove cameras in side.

I have the pictures! I matted and framed it. Dr said I was her first patient who has ever done dat in her whole career. Wot, dey were kinda artsy farts pink gutsy pictures. Doc told me, “please don’t hang it in the kitchen.” LOL

Anyways da conculsion is dat my IUD has fused into my uterus. Sounds yucky huh. I have never had any problems with my IUD, other then it couldn’t come out. It has never bothered me. Doc said there is no reason to mess with it. The only way it would come out is to have a hysterectomy and there is no reason for me to have dat done.

I am one with my IUD, literally. *L*