Archive for the Cancer Cansah Category

MRI = Magnetic resonance imaging

I got MRI-ed this morning. I thought I had been thrown into every kind of scanner machine there ever was so this one would be no different right? Wrong.

I think it was a clue when da nurse said “I need to put in an IV.” Wait I neva have to have IV befoe.

I knew something was different wen dey said I gotta hemo all my clothes, oh wait panty & socks ok. I know from experience to wear sock cause my feet get cold everytime. But hemo clothes? I neva have to befoe. That was then and this was now.

Ok so nurse tells me its going to be very loud. It is? Ok I ain’t been in loud kine so I guess this is one of those virgin experience. You have to wear ear plugs? I do. She opens a drawer filled with earplugs and gives me a set. Florescent green gummy kine. It feels like I shoved gummy bears in my ears. Ok so I lie down on da machine. Ok and lets put these pillows next to your ears because it is going to be loud. It is? I’m still not getting this “loud” she keeps telling me about.

“You shouldn’t experience any discomfort BUT if you do, here’s a call button.” She puts a rubber bulb in my hand, you won’t hear anything but I will. I’ve never had to have a call dilly before. Ok, I’ve never been in diskine machine.

I get shoved into da machine and I hear her telling me she going start da machine. It will go for 4 minutes then stop for a minute then start go for 6 min blah blah blah about 30 minutes worth. Then we will take you out but don’t move because we have to inject the contrast dye. Huh? Ok.

Da machine turns on and its fckng LOUD. The nurse told me loud, not fckng loud. This was fckng loud. Imagine a jack hammer next to your ear. Maybe be a decible louder but about like that yeah. I’m serious, I ain’t even exaggerating. Irritatingly loud. OMG my brains started pulsing. If I didn’t have earplugs & pillows next to my ears I would be deaf awreddy. I had no idea. All the other machines made noise, hum, clankity clankity, hummm loud but not make you deaf loud. It was a longass 4minutes.

Anden ok now it is going on for 6 minutes. OMG I’m glad I listened to my subliminal stuff the night before I usually do when I know I’m having some kine of treatment. But ist usually about claustraphobia and pain. Ok the jackhammer next to the ear, became serious pain. Pain in the ass. Who knew. My thought was, IF some one wanted to win a Nobel peace prize they would invent a quieter or at least a muffler for this frkng machine. Did I tell you it was obnoxiously loud. Jackhamma next to your ear loud. Swear ta’gawd I ain’t lying I ain’t even exaggerating.

Ok after the first 5 minutes I had a serious headache. So by the end of the session I was feeling a little sick. I come outta da machine and the nurse asks “So how was that?” I tell her “LIKE PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE!” She starts laughing, yeah thats about right.

So I’m leaving the place and start to feel queasey and I’m like I can’t throw up I haven’t eaten anything. lol My head hurt so I felt nauseated. Migrain? helluva migrain Food, I needed food. It was a 7am appointment and I don’t usually eat before an appointment. I’m thinking if I did I would thrown it up anyway, just waste. Went to get someting to eat and went to work.

Then it dawn on me, faka I have a 3:30pm dentist appointment. OMG moe headache…..

Pain is a reminder you are not dead. Read that in a Marcinko book, like I’m a fkn Marine or something. booyah my ass LOL

It seems productive to schedule two appointments in one day BUT if pain is involved, its not such a good idea. I have the headache to prove it. Its not a major migrain no more but there is this dull pulsing still going on and its been 12 hrs. Need to seriously sleep this off. Good night.

Her head and pillow meet triggering a switch that turn the mind and body into a meditative state. The mind blank. The body still. Time lapse.

Joints ache not in unison as if not being used at the same time and the same way. One side more sore then the other, a left right dominate issue. Her spine stretches taller then her. Confusing her psyche, such great posture.

On a scale of one to ten, 10 being the worst; what is your pain level? She remembers this question being repeatedly asked in the hospital. Afraid to admit she was feeling totally out of it she tries to fool herself and the nurse into thinking it was just defcon 3, closer to zero, far away from 10. When in fact it was probably a 7 or six, definitely over 5. If she lies to herself about pain maybe her body will believe her. A reverse psychology of “no pain no gain” she thinks admitting to pain gives it more power then it deserves.

Her body lies so still her mind starts to question the validity of her existance. ‘If tomorrow never comes’ plays gently as background music. An imagined radio stationed or funeral jams? She tries to reconcile her existance, she is here; yes. Why is all her thoughts ending with a question mark. More things to ponder.

She is amazed at the stillness, how many hours has it been or is it just minutes? Does she have time? Of course she does. We all do, we just don’t all use it as wisely or as efficently as we know how.

Her meditative mind, is that real or is it loopy? Again more question marks. No drugs were administered. Unless of course chocolate cake is considered a drug. Isn’t it an aphrodisiac? Right, but if it makes you horney and there is no horney relief whats the point, well at least it tastes good. LOL

Sleep as meditation why did she not think of that before! The body has known that all along but it did inform the mind. Again, her mind did not get the memo. Out of the loop, such is life sometimes.

Her body snuggles against the pillows, her body stretched out the width of the bed not the length. Her toes and fingertips hang over the side of the bed. She’s that tall. Her back is so straight and her mind is so blank it reminds her it needs to be recorded. Remember to write your thoughts down. The thoughts at the time were much more eloquent then they are now. However, written is good regardless of its blandness.

Her mind searches for the time. Night time. When did this happpen? She is sleeping no she is not. If you are debating with yourself when you’re sleeping, is that sleeping? Isn’t sleeping quiet and restful. Sleep with a restless mind is insomnia. Insomnia with out movement is scarey sometimes.

Its wierd how the physical self remains absolutely still while the mind is racing all over the place. When that happens she makes up stories with no endings. No happily ever after nothing final. They are stories of interchangable scenarios. If this happens then that, if that then this. But what if….. hmmmm always the what if….

She never left the land of what ifs really. A childhood game that no longer is spoken but the mind continues incognito. It is the inner child that stars in her sleep.

The aches and pains of the body reminds the mind that one is alive. Posture. She must remember good posture. Even in sleep. She thinks sleep is yoga for the mind. Deadman pose, she is good at that. She must remember its about the mind not the body. But the body just passes out. *L*

She knows the trigger switch that turns off the mind enables the body to heal. And yet she questions her sense of tranquility when she doesn’t have to. Which proves there is no cure for HUDhead.

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A rebellious & violent young man, Peregirne was once a member of a street gang in this hometown of Forli, Italy. When a Servite priest (the future St Philip Benizi) came to Forli preaching peace & reconcilliation, Pergrine heckled Philip and then physically attacked him. Philip instead of stricking back, forgave his attacker.

Peregrine was so deeply moved by this act of forgiveness, that he eventually entered the Servite order himself. Peregrine spent the next fifty years ministering to the poor, the sick and the homeless of Forli. He also imposed a special penance on himself – to stand whenever it was not necessary to sit. This caused open sores to develop on one leg. The sores became cancerous and a local surgeon said that the leg would have to be amputated.

The night before the operation, Peregrine prayed before an imagine of the crucified Christ. His prayer led him into a deep trance like sleep. He envisioned Christ reaching down from the cross and touching his cancerous leg. When Peregrine awoke the next morning, he found that his leg had been healed. The cancer was gone!

Peregrine lived twenty more years. He died on May 1, 1345 at the age of eighty. He was cannonized in 1725.

A Prayer to St Peregirne for Sick Relatives & Friends

Saint Peregrine, as a humble Servant of Mary, you expereinced human weakness and the paine and suffering of sickness. Knowing that medicine and human knowledge have limits, we pray for all those involved with the medical profession that they will be a true source of healing and comfort to all people.

Like you, we also turn to God in our suffering. Just as Jesus readched out and touched you with His healing hand, we pray that the following sick person(s) will be strengthened in body and spirit and cured of their illness by Jesus Christ through your intercession.
(Here mention the name(s) of your sick relatives and friends)

In gratitude we pray for all the people of the world that they will come to know you St Peregrine, and the love that God has for each of them. Amen.

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Duh FB-ing! Who knew I was such a gamer. AND I suck at it but I keep doing it. Kinda like sex? nah nah nah

Anyways I been thinking I need to write I need to write. So here I is writing writing writing. Maybe it’ll MAKE ME write more.

So whats new? Medical tests. Well they ain’t knew. Hana hou. I did have the nerve conduction test last year. Its frkng shock treatment. Yes I feel electricuted ouch ouch ouch. Ok the other side, same thing. Ouch ouch ouch. It measure your nerve reaction/response time. YES I can feel it thank you very much. Do it on some one who has Erectile Dysfunction, ssshhheeesh. LOL It will shock it straight up. Or not. It either works or it doesn’t. LOL

For the first time I got a Doppler test done. I was thinking weather report myself. News Doppler 8 or whatever station. So the doppler thing is measuring your blood pressure both arms and legs. The arms suppose to be higher then the legs or is it the other way around. I forgot. I passed. My arteries ain’t plugged. Yet. I should continue in the gym. First I gotta drag my behind ova there.

You would think if somebody (moi) has health issues and I know that to help heal myself I would do the disciplined thing and get in the gym or at least go regularly regular. But no, I so undiscipline. The doctor will say this that an the other and I will get my rear in gear and go anden next thing you know… slacker.

Which proves….THERE IS NO CURE FOR HUD HEAD! Ain’t it?

So after all these test, OH yeah I had another PETscan. You know they inject you with “stuff” and throw you in the donut machine. Anyways the verdict is more treatment. Another round of Radioactive Iodine Treatment. Which is not bad. Its easy to do. You pop a nuclear pill, isolate yourself from people for a week then you get thrown in a machine to get scanned again. Easy.

Ok the hard part. Before you do that you have to deplete your body of iodine. Hence, the Low Iodine Diet. Now that sucker is hard to do. But do-able. Been there done that, you would think I’d have an easy time now I know what to expect.

Yeah, no chocolate, no ice cream, no eggs, no restaurants, no salt, no soy, no commercial bread, I can have bread if I make it. I know how, but if I’m not in the mood its not going to get made. LOL No cheese, no fish, meat is ok if it is range free. I’m forgetting something. I’m sure it’ll come back to me…

Oh no, no Starbucks. Think of the money I’ll save…… LOL

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LOL Ok the correct terminology is, Thyrogen. But doesn’t shotindaass sounds more funner!

I left a message at my Drs office, “I got a call from Walgreens, they have my shotindaass stuff so I need to schedule a time for it. Call me.” First thing in the morning MB the nurse calls me, “you crazy lady you know its called Thyrogen.” LOL She was the one that told me it doesn’t hurt and I told her thats because its not her ass. It doesn’t hurt hurt but its uncomfortable. Which reminds me, wear nice panties. Not da raggedy puka-ish veteran ones.

Anyways its a yearly thing. Very simple, 2 days showing up at the doctor’s office and the next 2 days going to the Xray lab at the hospital. Way simpler then the old way…

The nurse says and to help your “numbers” start the low iodine diet till after you get scanned. As she’s telling me this I’m shoving a cheese danish in my mouth. I told her, “I’m finishing this danish first ok?” LOL

The old way RAI-131 or whatever it was called: 6 weeks on the low iodine diet. Whats the low iodine diet? Go to webmd.com hehehe Its basically “eat fresh fruits & vegetables and free range meat; you can have bread IF you make it, and no eggs but egg whites are ok.” Everything else is a NO. No restaurants, no process food, no salt, no chocolate, no seafood, no soy, no milk, no sugar – I use Stevia. Its expensive. But the point of the diet is to deplete your system of iodine. This also causes hypothyroidism – going hypo – as oppose to hippo – hehehe. Actually its kinda both. You would think you would get skinny on this diet but da people on this diet usually don’t have the SKINNY gene. Which is funny but not really.

There’s HYPOthyroidism, I call this the fat one. Anden there’s HYPERthyroidism, fakas stay skinny. I hate that. So unfair, I got da fat one. How rude. nah nah nah Alive is alive gotta be grateful momona and all. Moe fo’be grateful fo’anden.

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So I did the visit the doctor thing today. He was shaking his head at me. Bad sign. My A1C number was high. Well as he put it “higher then its ever been, see.” And he shows me the list. “DUH its going up with my weight huh?” LOL

The number is not bad, the fact that it is climbing higher is bad. It should not be climbing. Drop maybe but not climb. I brag to him that I had PBJ on whole wheat for lunch. He looks at me “JELLY!” I’m like “thats better then french fries?” Docta says “eat brocalli.” Ok fine yes sir. I love french fries, fat potatoey fries. Steak fries. McDonalds fries suck, Wendy’s are better. Oh sorry I ain’t suppose to be fast fooding around. hehehehehe

My issue is the lack of losing weight (ok gaining) and the reason for not loosing weight, other then dessert first, plate lunches and humongous portions etc is the lack of a metabolism. Hypothyrodism. Blah blah blah. *L*

Soooo my doctor took away one of my medications. Doubled the dosage of another and upped the dossage of my Synthroid. Synthroid is the drug that I will have to take for the rest of my life thats just a given. The problem is regulating the dosage so that it works. I’ve been taking 137 mg and its getting upped to 175mg. Once upon a time I’ve taken 200mg, 125mg & 150mg. I think my body gets too use to the dosage or my chemistry changes. Chemistry hell, I think its called weight. LOL

Anyways. I need to think quality of life. I’m getting way too big for my britches, literally. That’s so not healthy. Think healthy.

At least my doctor didn’t say “yo’haff edZachary disease, yo’face look edZachary like yo’ass.” LOL

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I think if women remembered, truly remember the pain, the serious comfortable-ness of shitting out a child they would not have moe then one child. In fact if women seriously vividly remembered and related their physical hardship of bringing a child into this world, they would scare the bejesus out of the next generation and maybe kids wouldn’t have kids. LOL But I think with the mircle of birth comes the mircle of “how soon we fo’get” the true painful pain that one goes thru is erased with the joys of motherhood.

Some people deal with pain better then others. We all have a different “threshold” of what pain is. Some of us are more wusses then others. Some have a high pain tolerance, everyones wired different right. I think from a young age we develope the mental toughness or mental wussy-ness of what we equate pain to.

I had to fill out forms for a new yearly spread your legs checkup kind of doctor. So I was doing my homework of filling out the forms. Well one form, 12 pages and then some. Having to fill in the HISTORY of surgeries and what nots, I had to refer to a journal that I kept during my “challenging times.” There’s all the dates, doctors appointments when I went in and passed out and what not; what I did or more like what I couldn’t do.

Its strange to go back and read about how “not so good” I was feeling. Yet I functioned like nothing was wrong and my body just wanted to lie still and not move. Well I did a lot of that, but I think I also should have done more of not moving. I kinda know better now. I think I learned what helps me heal. We all know what makes us feel bad or sick but we all dont’ pay attention sometimes to the things that help us heal and make us better. Or I don’t I think. Cause in looking back, I know there are things I shoulda, coulda, woulda done different or better. Then again hind site is 20/20. Live and learn.

I think if I was truely afraid of not getting SICK again, not having to be in the hospital for one thing or another; then I would really loose weight. You know what I mean. With health issues everythings related and I feel like if I know that getting my rear in gear and DOWNsizing, I will be a healthier person . Right? Right. (As I eat a piece of cake.)

I know what makes me bigger then I should be. I know what I need to do. So I do both? DUH. Burn more calories and eat less calories. Then again you know, THERE’S NO CURE FOR HUD HEAD YEAH! *L*

I am pau going to da docta or hospital for the week. So the short story is shot in da ass, shot in da ass, down 7 nuke caps anden get scanned. LOL Oh dats da shortcut pidgin version.

So what happened was: Monday I went to da Drs and got shot 1. Tuesday shot 2. Why I no could get both of’em same time I dunno. I not one docta. Wednesday I went to da hospital report to Nuke Med section aka radiology and dey gave me 7 capsules to take. Simple enough right. So ha’come I took long time to down seven pills. Cause I do’em one at one time.

I could not be a druggie. Took me fo’eva. I was like, “is that 7 yet?” NO, 2 more. Hooo I just gotta go shishi drinking all dis watah. LOL Anden I askem’ “are there any restrictions, can I eat am I not suppose to eat?” Da Tech guys says, ‘yeah you can eat but wait at least 30 minutes because we don’t want you throwing up.’ I was like – “OH that would be serious nuke waste huh, gotta call hazmat.” We was just cracking up.

It reminded me of da first time I had da nuclear medicine thing. On the paper work it states: If you are in an accident or die, you must tell the physician that you have had RAI-131. HUH? I told my docta, did you read this? If I die I ain’t telling anybody jack. LOL He was rolling his eyes, you know what we mean. Yeah well you guys need to reword it.

So today was get scanned day. I go in, lie on this flat bed and it feeds me into a machine. Kinda of MIR-ish. No biggie. Been there done that. I just close my eyes and take a nap because it takes like 20 minutes. Well there was another machine and another person getting it done too. Someone who had never gotten it done before. Well the lady kept moving her head I guess and the tech kept telling her to keep still cause then the machine won’t get good readings and what not. Oh I guess she didn’t understand English either so the Tech told the husband how important it was to not move and he had translate.

So pau now. I go docta in two weeks and he tells me the good, bad and or the ugly. The way I look at it, I’m still here so it can’t and won’t be that bad if bad at all. Hana hou next year.

I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to go thru with these tests cause I had the flu. But it was not an issue. Two days after I get the shots I’m thinking I should know what the side effects are and go look it up. Late reaction on my part. duh? So whats one of the symtoms or after effects. “May cause flu like symtoms.” Noshit & what if you all ready have th flu, den you going feel even moe shitty. Hmmm that explains the 102temp Monday afternoon. Oh no wonder I left work early. Oh yeah with all this “protocalling” I go to work afta. I gotta pay for my meds. *L*

I was reading all the side effects of thyrogen. It said if you die its usually happens with 24 hours. I read that 48 hours after the fact so I was feeling safe. And there’s only been 1 death and the person had 6 shots and he still had his thyroid and he was 77 or something like that. All I know is, if you’re a dude with thyroid issues, you are worst off den one wahine. One moe thing for me be grateful for. LOL

I’m still conjested. My voice is still low & raspy. So hey call me. Yeah right? LOL

P.S. I did not turn off the comment of the previous entry. I can’t even fine an on or off? Where’s it at? If I did do it I don’t know how I did it and I was truely sick. Ok I am truely sick. *L*

Anyway I think so. Its all about perspective aint it?

So I went to my follow up appointment. You know the needle in the neck test? Anyway biopsy showed no junk cells present in the thyroid. Good sign. Then again I know that the fine needle biospy is not conclusive. Because before I had my first surgery no had nothing thats why only the right side wen get hemo. So wen dey went insai anden pathology den as why had to hemo da ada half hence da 2nd surgery. But that was good too it turned out A-OK, I mean I’m here right. Alot of things “coulda” happen. Stuff I don’t talk/write about. Cause why, could, woulda, should, no need neva mind. Its all good. *L*

I still gotta go get da shotindass therapy. Oh dat don’t sound right at all. LOL I get this serious injection anden I get scanned anden they can tell if the biopsy was right, wrong or indifferent. Its a yearly thing. Use to be the RAI – raidioactive iodine, nuclear medicine stuff with da low iodine diet etc. Da diet itself was killa. So no need da diet, just go docta bend ova. Hala!

Da docta was telling me, “I am please at what I am seeing, there is nothing in the thyroid area. BUT I can’t tell you there’s nothing there because it may be else where.” And I said, “SO IT hasn’t left the building?” We started cracking up. He was like “that is a good way to put it.”

I’m encouraged by that. Then discourage by the weight issue. But hey you reap what you sow. And I have soooo been grinding. All about da choices yeah. Obviously da wrong kine. And it don’t help that I have not been gymrat lately. Hmmm soon. lol

Ohyeah so see prayers do work. I/we are proof of dat huh? Mahalo fo’yo pules. Continued prayers all around.

This morning I had a fine needle biopsy done. No biggie. Had it done before, I’m so experienced o’wot yeah. I was going ask everybody pray fo’me but I was like nah, I go pray myself. I can. I mean da extra always helps but I figgah get people wit moe hardships den me and my in office biopsy right. I was like just another doctas visit. Oh except I getting stabbed inda neck.

K-so I went no big deal right. I lie down, da nurse hold da ultrasound camera dilly and da docta stab me in da neck with one 5-6 inch needle dat suck cells outta my neck so can send’um to da lab. Simple procedure. Except if you think about it too much.

Needles! Stabbing in da neck! HELLO!

Pretty graphic yeah. A Discovery Health channel image or something to that effect. LOL

I’m lying there trying to not make funny face cause if I move my face muscles I’m moving my neck mucsles. No ‘pose to move gotta keep still, serious kine. I mean it could get ugly yeah, long needle in neck, neck muscles moving…use your imagination. Some serious oow-wees yeah.

One sample on one side was done so was going do da ada side. Da nurse asks me “Does it hurt?” Its local anesthesia kine. I tell her it feels like cramps. She’s like “you have cramps? Where your back where is it hurting?” I’m like – NO, da sensation ITS like having cramps. It feels like my uterus moved up to my neck?

Her and da docta start cracking up. Me too. Anden he tells me, “don’t swallow.” Since when does a man say dat? I got slapped. Ai us was just cracking up.

So guess now is a good time to pray. Pray da “junk cells” makidiedead or are not active. Mahalo for your pule. I guess what was .88 is now 1.10, which means theres been an increase in size or is it cells, both huh, duh? So I gotta have da shotinda-ass medicine as oppose to radioactive iodine. Which is a good thing. Usually I have “something” done yearly and its all good.

I came home with a bad headache. I’m thinking its from thinking too much about it. But my neck feels tired and a little sore. Again, too much focusing on it anden wen pau; way too tired of thinking it.

Oh and to make it worst, I had a dentist appointment scheduled too in da aftanoon. I was thinking, take off one day and squeeze in as may appointments as possible. You know what? Thats not such a good idea. Not wit one docta stabbing my neck anden anoda one digging in my mouth with that supersonic stuff that gave my headache a headache.

I tawt I was hudhead, but I not. I just one sowa head. What with all dese doctas humbugging me. LOL Preventive care. I figgah each visit adds a day or month or year to my life so its all good. Neva mind complaining. My BAD for scheduling two appointments on da same day. Sheesh live and learn yeah. *L*

Gotta go take my drugs and get to bed. Hanahana manana.