Mokihana's Garden

I love my Jacob sheep, and I love the verses in the Bible that tell of these special animals and how Jacob chose them.

This verse in Genesis reminds me how we’re all chosen by God, designed by Him to be His own and to fulfill the potential He put in us from the very beginning. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we’ve been chosen until we’re grown; but He’s always there, calling us to Him, waiting for us to come to Him and become the people He designed us to be from the beginning of time.

29 Jacob said to him, “You know how I have worked for you and how your livestock has fared under my care. 30 The little you had before I came has increased greatly, and the LORD has blessed you wherever I have been. But now, when may I do something for my own household?”

31 “What shall I give you?” [Laban] asked.
“Don’t give me anything,” Jacob replied. “But if you will do this one thing for me, I will go on tending your flocks and watching over them: 32 Let me go through all your flocks today and remove from them every speckled or spotted sheep, every dark-colored lamb and every spotted or speckled goat. They will be my wages. 33 And my honesty will testify for me in the future, whenever you check on the wages you have paid me.”

I am on a journey. It’s not always easy, and most of the time it’s extremely painful. There are times when I cry out to God saying, “I just can’t do this anymore”, but what I really mean is, right at this moment I don’t feel as if I can do it anymore.” Big difference. This journey means taking a really hard look at those hidden places in my past and learning to become “transformed by the renewing of my mind”.

Some days are far more difficult than others. Some days I’d prefer to keep the illusion, thank you very much. But mostly, I want to know the truth. I don’t keep things hidden on purpose; getting to those inward places takes a lot of hard work. Sometimes I don’t even realize that stuff is hidden ‘way deep inside.

I’ve had friends who decided that the journey is just too hard. They got to a certain point and just stopped, preferring to live with chaos than to face those deep, painful places. I totally understand why they just don’t feel they can continue. But I am a sojourner, a pilgrim. I am not a quitter. There is this God-given flame burning deep inside that keeps me going, that won’t let me quit. Those hidden places within me need God’s light to shine on them, and I know that He will continue to give me beauty for ashes as I walk this sometimes very lonely path.

Frequently I wake up in the middle of the night, heart beating fast and afraid, either from a nightmare or worry about things going on in my life.

I love this photo of ‘Ukulele, because she reminds me how, just like her blanket, God covers me with His care. It’s a good thing to remember in when it’s dark and quiet save for the too-rapid heartbeat I can hear pounding in my chest.

‘Ukulele sleeps so peacefully in this photo, and though sometimes it takes me awhile to get back to a place of rest like this, eventually I do, picturing God’s comforting care keeping me safe. I listen to ‘Ukulele purring beside me, hear the doves in my aviary cooing in the darkness, and finally sleep comes once again.

What is she thinking, this wistful little girl with the skinned knee? She looks lonely. Her eyes speak volumes, her sadness palpable. If she were to talk, what would she say? Would she say that her life was unbearable much of the time? Or would she hide her pain and say everything was fine?

Today, looking back at her, I know that all along God was with her, fulfilling the potential He put in her from the very beginning. He gave her a future and a hope, even though in later years she had wondered where He was and how she could possibly go on. Then she called to Him, and He answered her and let her know in oh, so many ways, how He had been there with her all the time.

Traces of the wistful little girl remain. But in her heart she hears, “I have loved you with an everlasting love. I will never leave you or forsake you.”

Mokihana, age four, in Mānoa Valley.

This Flicker came to the suet feeders over and over during our recent snowstorm. I loved taking different shots of this beautiful bird; he kind of looks like he has apple cheeks!

I loved how two images in the verse were appropriate for this photo!
During the past seven months I have frequently felt assailed; by depression, sadness, and even apathy. It has often taken everything I have to cry out to Him, “Give ear to me and hear my prayer”, and through it all He has heard me. I feel His love, sometimes through the kindness of a friend, or a listening ear, or just having someone sit with me while I cry.

Nolemana got me a new camera for Christmas, and with it I have been able to take the most amazing bird photos. This Cooper’s Hawk sat for quite awhile outside my office, and I was delighted to get this close-up. I often see Red-Tailed Hawks floating on the wind over our pasture, but they never get as close as this acccipiter hawk, who has the ability to come in swiftly through the trees.

Every time I see him, I am struck silent by his magnificence and by the piercing look in his eyes, and I thank the God who made him for allowing me to see the hawk in all his splendor.

Several weeks ago Nolemana and I drove up to Hood River to get more apples. It was a rainy day but we didn’t care. We decided to drive along the Historic Columbia Gorge Highway because it’s so lovely in the fall.

Despite the rain, there were a lot of people out; hikers in their shorts and hiking boots headed up the trails, some with babies in backpacks. Oregonians don’t stop their activities just because it’s raining!

At Horsetail Falls, which is right next to the road, I was captivated by a rainbow of dazzling color in front of me: the pink of the greyhound’s raincoat which was reflected in the road, her owner’s umbrella, the leaves turning from green to gold, and the waterfall cascading down with a roar.

Lately I have felt “afflicted and not comforted”, but the colors filling my eyes reminded me yet again that ke Akua will give me beauty for ashes, and that this gray season that I’m in will not last forever.

I can’t post a WFW because Adobe Photoshop Elements isn’t letting me change text size in my text layer even though I change it in the toolbar. It lays down my text in a miniscule dot that I can’t even see to resize. I tried it on both of my CPU’s and it does the same thing. It began working right, but then just quit. Arrghhh!! It does it with all photos.

If anyone has a clue what’s going on, including operator error, please leave a comment, okay? I can’t think of anything I’ve done to change what I’ve been doing previously in this program.

Thanks!

Last Saturday my friend Julie and I went on our Annual Yamhill County Autumn Yarn and Fiber Pilgrimage. This has been a yearly tradition for several years now, and although two ladies in our group were missing, we had a good time.

Our first stop was in Dundee, only to find that one of the stores we always go to wasn’t there anymore. Auwe! But the persimmon tree that we usually get persimmons from (with permission) was still there, and loaded with fruit.

We had braved a couple of really heavy downpours on our way, but God blessed us with sunshine for picking the persimmons. The fruit was still kind of green, but with hearts hopeful for future ripening, we began picking it, knowing we wouldn’t be back till next year.

My sadness about my mom’s death has been compounded by several other losses lately, and though I was glad to be out and about, the gray skies and pouring rain matched the gray of my emotions. But as I picked another persimmon, I saw a sight that took my breath away. How like God to let me know in a way that only He could, that He understood my pain and wanted to bless me with something really special.

Psalm 4:8 has always had a special place in my heart, and has helped me get through some pretty rough times. And there it was, visually represented in the gift that He gave me. Holding the persimmon in my hand, my eyes filled with wonder, I saw three ladybugs, hibernating for the winter, snuggled down in the golden fruit.

I just stood there with tears in my eyes, thanking God for letting me know once again that my pain is important to Him. And just like these sleeping ladybugs, I can rest in His care, knowing that I too, dwell in safety during this winter season of my life.

I have loved animals all my life. Our menagerie has included dogs, cats, parakeets, cockatiels, doves and fish. When we moved to our present place that had some acreage, was thrilled that we’d be able to have real livestock. We started out with sheep, added some pygmy goats, and even a cow at one point. The cow moo’ved on, but the sheep and goats have stayed. We boarded a couple of horses, which I loved having around. We purchased Maremma Livestock Guardian Dogs to protect our livestock from coyotes who prowl the area.

One day at Oregon Flock and Fiber Festival , the very first one, as a matter of fact, I fell in love with a llama from Rain Dance Ranch. I’d had no intention of getting a llama, but there was Rayado, with fabulous “banana ears” and a face we simply couldn’t resist. We bought him that same day.

There’s nothing like a two-year old heifer running down a steep hill toward you with no guarantee that she’s going to stop in time, so we traded the cow for another llama whom we named Como Se. Heh heh.

There is nothing to compare with soft llama llips gobbling up wet cob (special grain) in my hand. Their mouths are so small compared to horses’ mouths; it’s a totally different feeling. I love my llama boys. I’m so grateful to God for allowing His creations to be part of my life!

Rayado in front, and yes, his tooth is supposed to be like that; he doesn’t need braces! Como Se behind him, and in the background are the pgymy goats and Thunder the horse.

This past Spring we were surprised by snow in March, which is very unusual for us here in this part of Oregon. I took this photo from our lanai just as the sun was setting, the raindrops on the bare branches looking like sparkling diamonds. I just stood in awe at the majesty of the sight, thanking God for allowing me to see such a beautiful part of His creation.

God really has a way of surprising me, inserting the miraculous into my days, even in the midst of winter.

Mahalo, ke Akua.

It happens every year. Along one of the main roads that I travel to town there is a storm drain at the bottom of a hill. During most of the year you’d never even know it was there. But when the rains begin each fall, wonderful things begin to happen to that nondescript circle in the middle of the road. I can’t help but wonder if anyone but me even notices it when to me it speaks volumes.

I think of all the dry spells in my life; I’m in one now. The days are long and exhausting, and sometimes I wonder how I will make it through to the next one. But everytime I pass this place in the road, my hope is renewed, and God reminds me that He will make streams in the desert places of my life, that He will give me beauty for ashes, that there is no place so dry He can’t reach it, and that no matter how awful I feel, He is there to satisfy my thirsty soul.

This week’s WFW takes a more somber theme than I’ve done before. Nolemana and I own a real estate appraisal business, and in addition to appraising homes in our area, we also do foreclosure reviews. As a result, we get to see the insides of houses from all over the country that are in foreclosure, which is a sad thing in itself. Some of the homes are in pristine condition, while others have been completely trashed by angry former owners.

I love seeing all these houses because in all likelihood Nolemana and I won’t be going to all the cities in which these properties are located. So I get to see what other parts of the country are like, thanks to the appraisals we are reviewing as well as GoogleMaps, especially when there is a street view. I love the street views; sometimes I just use my arrow keys and travel around a city just to see what it’s like. I’ve “been in” the Las Vegas desert as well as the lush Tennessee hills.

This week, however, what I saw in the appraiser’s interior photos made me sad. Someone had obviously punched a hole in the wall, and someone else, I assume, had written on the wall. I will have no way of ever knowing who made the hole or who wrote on the wall. Was the person who penned the psalms there afraid? Was s/he scared of whoever punched the hole?

The juxaposition of the punched hole in the wall and the psalms written there made me realize once again that truly He is our very present help in time of trouble. Perhaps the writer was affirming that. Perhaps s/he was crying out for help. I add both people represented by that wall to my prayers. I pray that the one who punched the hole in the wall will find peace that only God can give, and that the writer will experience anew what s/he wrote on that wall in the now-empty house.

Last year Nolemana and I made several trips to Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge. We originally went to Ridgefield to do an appraisal, and then, to our delight, discovered the refuge. The scenery and wildlife took my breath away. We had such a good time that we became members, and each trip up got better and better. It takes about thirty minutes to drive the entire loop if you never stop along the way, but it always takes us at least an hour because there’s so much to look at.

On this particular day, a Great Blue Heron rose majestically up in front of the car, his wings seeming to beat out a drumbeat to the glory of God. As I watched his huge expanse of wings, I thought how much it looked as if he were raising them in praise to God and I wondered if in some way he knew that too.

We humans are so limited in our thinking! We reason that no animal or bird could possibly know how to praise God because we see ourselves as so much more superior to the “beasts of the fields”. But what if, just what if, their praises exist on a completely different plane than those of us mere mortals? What if, as a heron soars above the earth, he is singing his own song of praise to the God who made him? What if, when we raise our hands in praise to God, He thinks to Himself, “Look at my children! They look just like that Blue Heron that Mokihana saw at Ridgefield as it took off and praised me with uplifted wings!”

The other afternoon, shortly before the sun was going down, I went outside on our lanai just to enjoy the view and see if any of my tomatoes or beans were ripe. The sun was just beginning its final descent over the mauka [toward the sea] hills, and I stood there enjoying the last of its warmth, very aware that soon it would be dark, and the view lost to me.

Because my mother’s death and all that surrounded it have continued to take up so much of my time and energy these past weeks, I’ve often said to my closest friends, “I missed summer!” Ordinarily I look forward to Autumn and its glorious colors even though it signifies that the rains will soon be here, and gray days will replace the bright ones of summer. But this year I have been wishing that I could be like the legendary Hawaiian demi-god Maui, who captured the sun and made it slow down for six months out of the year so that his mother could have more time for her kapa to dry. I have been craving the bright, sunny days of summer, knowing all too well that just as night was coming as I stood there out on my lanai, winter was coming and with it, the shorter, darker months that I wanted to somehow delay.

As I stood there, suddenly I saw a spider spinning her web, its delicate strands caught in the rays of the setting sun. I just stood there, in awe, and I realized that God was speaking to me as I watched the spider making her way from one end of the web to the other. He said, “Mokihana, you resent the coming darkness, but look at the treasure I have for you in the midst of it! You never would have seen this spider if the sun hadn’t been setting!”

I realized then that what I was seeing and hearing had much bigger implications. I also saw that so often I tend to see only the darkness in my life, forgetting that along with it, are moments bright and shining, if only I’ll take time to stop and look for them. Too often I miss the miraculous.

Mahalo, ke Akua, for speaking to me this way. For helping me learn to be transformed by the renewing of my mind, and for allowing me to see your humble creature dressed in royalty even as darkness begins to settle over the land.

Last month when Nolemana and I went down to my mom’s for the memorial service, clean out da hale [hah-leh = house] and be with my ‘ohana, we went to the Farmers Market there in Los Gatos. The color of all the fruits and veggies, mostly unlike what I can get up here in the cooler Northwest climate, inspired my latest offering for WFW.

I love gardening! I love planting the veggie seeds, seeing them pop through the surface and begin to grow. I love harvesting the crops. I even love pulling weeds that take nourishment from my “babies”.

I bet God is equally delighted with the variety of colors and textures that He has created. I bet He is pleased when I get speechless over a vendor’s displays at a farmers’ market, as I did with this one. Sometimes, when I see a display like this, I wonder if He even says, “Wow! Look at that!”

(The photo is huge… that’s a server problem… sorry for the distortion. Hopefully it’ll get fixed later.)

*** Alla stuffs hea on my blog stay copyrighted. Dat means photos, words, typos, hamajangs of any kine. If u kakaroach [steal] um, den I going hunt you down and give you da giant slippah and whack u wit um until u promise u nevah going do dat again. And eh! I whack hard and I get plenny menehunes can track u down. And eh! I whack hard and I get plenny menehunes can track u down. Copyright © 2008. The content on this blog is the sole property of the author. Dat would be ME! ***

Here is my offering for today. I took this photo of an old barn up near Lyle, Washington, when Nolemana and I took a drive up in that area. I love the look of the barn, and thought this scripture went perfectly with it.

*** Alla stuffs hea on my blog stay copyrighted. Dat means photos, words, typos, hamajangs of any kine. If u kakaroach [steal] um, den I going hunt you down and give you da giant slippah and whack u wit um until u promise u nevah going do dat again. And eh! I whack hard and I get plenny menehunes can track u down. And eh! I whack hard and I get plenny menehunes can track u down. Copyright © 2008. The content on this blog is the sole property of the author. Dat would be ME! ***

Amy over at The 100-Acre Woods has this neat thing she does every Wednesday.

This is my first offering; I love the idea, and though my Photoshop Elements skills are only at the beginner stage, I hope to learn more as I go along.

I took this photo of my hibiscus just before I left for California for my mother’s memorial service/clearing out her house time. We were gone for 11 long days, and while going through everything I was going through, it helped to know that ke Akua [God] never let me stray from His shadow.

*** Alla stuffs hea on my blog stay copyrighted. Dat means photos, words, typos, hamajangs of any kine. If u kakaroach [steal] um, den I going hunt you down and give you da giant slippah and whack u wit um until u promise u nevah going do dat again. And eh! I whack hard and I get plenny menehunes can track u down. Copyright © 2008. The content on this blog is the sole property of the author. Dat would be ME! ***