"Goong Goong"

My goong goong (Cantonese for "grandfather") had been such a tall, strong man with a good, good heart. I remember sitting by his side when he was seated at his special chair in the living room of our house. I marveled at his lean, toned arms with large veins. The muscles on his forearms looked like ropes twirled around his arms.

I would follow him into the bamboo forest behind our house and watch as he used his cane knife to cut down tall bamboo stalks that reached forever into the sky. After cutting these stalks into smaller sections he would gather them all up, balance them on one shoulder, then walk out of the forest with me in tow. When we got to our back yard he would get a metal wedge and hammer and sliver each pole into strips about an inch and a half wide. Then he would use his cane knife to sharpen one end of each of these slivered bamboo poles.

Later he would poke the sharpened ends of the poles into equal distances between each other in the ground in every garden area available around our property. He taught me to make a hole about 2 inches deep at the base of each pole, insert 2 bean seeds into each of these holes, then to cover each hole with the black, moist soil covered our property. Eventuall, the seeds would sprout, wind its leafy vines up the bamboo poles and then produce string beans that my grandfather would sell at market. I remember that most of our meals at home would consist almost always of some of these string beans.

But then, alas, my grandfather got sick. He went into the hospital and stayed there for weeks. One morning he dressed himself, determined and insisting to come home. While at home he continued to work.........tending to his vegetables in the garden. Then he got sick again and stayed in his room in the basement of our house. One day he called out to me, using the Chinese name that he had bestowed upon me. But I didn't answer him......I wanted to ride my bike and play..........to this day I feel extremely, extremely guilty over not answering him that time. He had, after all, been my babysitter when I was a baby. I heard from my mom that he used to place me in the stroller every day and push me up the hill to the end of the road in front of our house. I would fall asleep in the strolller and he would gather me in his strong arms and carry me home while pushing the stroller. And I had refused to answer him when he was sick and in need of me. This guilt has never escaped me.

My grandfather developed pnuemonia and other complications and had to go back into the hospital. I was in the fifth grade at the time, around 10 years old. One day I arrived in class and remarked to the girl who sat next to me: "Doesn't it seem like something is going to happen today?"

That afternoon we got a call at home from the hospital telling us that goong goong had been placed on the critical list. We rushed to the hospital. My goong goong was in utter pain. I had never seen him that way. He had always been so strong. And now he was writhing on the bed in pain. He asked my father for a knife so that he could kill himself. I was devestated and felt so helpless. All I could do was to grip the iron bars at the foot of my goong goong's hospital bed.

My dad was beside himself, trying desperately to contact the doctor who had gone golfing, even though he had known that my goong goong was in a bad way.

All of a sudden I heard my mother scream. My goong goong had stopped moving, had stopped struggling, had gone into a coma, with his eyes wide open. We learned from the doctor later that my goong goong just could not tolerate the pain and thus, had gone into this coma. The doctor wandered away somewhere. The nurse would periodically check my grandfather's pulse. Then, after checking goong goong's pulse one last time, I saw her start running down the pathway between all the other patients' beds. The doctor subsequently came over, listened to goong goong's heart with his stethescope then told my dad: "Well, Richard, your dad lived a good life". Then he used his index finger to make circular motions directly on goong goong's eyes, which had remained wide open in his pain induced coma, used his palms to close my goong goong's eyes, and placed the bed sheet up over goong goong's head.

I remember sitting there gripping the iron bars at the foot of goong goong's bed, just looking at his feet. My goong goong was so tall that the bedsheet, after being pulled over his head, was not long enough to cover his feet. That vision was the last I had of goong goong before his funeral. It was such a forlorn scene. My dear goong goong dying there in utter pain in an old hospital. What a helpless feeling I had. And such guilt that I hadn't answered his call when he needed me, that I had not spent more time with him, that I had not done as much as I could have.

The life and death of goong goong has always affected me. It imbedded such an imprint on my mind and emotions that it shaped my perception of life forever. The guilt, sorrow and grief in my heart has never really left me.

My dear goong goong had departed us forever.

You evah tot..........

Copyright 2006 girlsofhawaii.com LLC. All rights reserved.
Duplication and/or downloading absolutely forbidden by law.

You evah tot u wanned fo' just chrow yo'self ovah da edge and float into oblivion? Man, take some willpowah not fo' do 'em. Sometime seem soooooooooo easy!

Well, hasta la vista, baby!

And I stay all............

PAU.

So what.....remembah me o' what?

Copyright 2003 girlsofhawaii.com LLC. All rights reserved.
Duplicating and/or downloading absolutely prohibited by law.

For more spectacular pics of Hawaii please go to:

www.rolandsretreat.homestead.com

and:

www.girlsofhawaii.com

So what.........rembembah me o' what?
Ha come u guys no write me notting? I know.......you guys too hot shit fo' me, already. Ok, ah no kay-yah.........do what you like...........no neese write.

Tonight i wen' go eat pahkay food wit' one ol' frenn from, like, uku-million yee-ahs ago. Man, i no could believe bin so long. One oldah guy once wen' tell me dat aftah u hit 30, da yeeahs jus' fly by..........he was right, man. Deese pass uku-million yeeahs bin fly by like nodding.

Anyways, was great fo' see her. From one real pooah existence in da Fah East she now stay live Sudden Califonia in one house wit yahd and swimming poo wit her husbin an' 2 keeds! I stay so happy fo' her!

If you like know about da pitcha.........ees of da Koolau's on O'ahu dat i bin shoot from my frenn's flowah fahm in Waimanalo. I nevah know had all dis fahmland in da backroads of Waimanalo until i went his house. Some nice, man, back dere Dis one pitcha wen' turn out some nice so i stay put 'em on heeyah.

(By da way, I spik Big Island pidgin so if you no can undahstan' my accent: ass because you nodding but one lolo ciddy sleekah.)

Talking about Big Island, wen' i was teen-ayjah i used to love dis one girl so much......i used to dream about her all da time. You know how it is wen' u still young and stupid......u no tink' about notting except da chick. You tink she perfect. So i wen' go insigh da forest behind my house, climb one guava tree and cahve ahwah intials togeddah on dat tree. Aftah dat, erry few yeeahs i used to go climb dat tree fo' make shuah da intials was still dere. But poho, last time i was going check, dey wen' go knock down da forest and build one ugly ahpotment building dere. Shit.........all my good memories dey go knock 'em down.

I used to meet my girlfrenn downtown Palace Theeaydah on Sattadays fo' watch movie and make out. I remembah how i used to eye-yen my pants wit spray stahch so da pants used to come some stiff, man. My favorite shirt i used to wehyah was one kalakoa shirt. Den i used to make shuah i had speeahmint gum in my mout plus some speeahmint certs. Dat way i was going fight any possible halitosis from all angles!

Den I would catch da sampan bus (oney cost 10 cents dat time) downtown and wait fo' her in front da theeaydah. Den she would come.....we would go insigh and i would put my ahm around her and keep my ahm dere da whole movie. My ahm would come all stiff and no mo'feeling but i would still keep my fricking ahm around her. By da end of da movie my ahm would feel like fall off!

Yestaday on the cah rayjo i bin go heeah "Theme From: "A Summer Place'"......da all time favorite choke-up song............brought back some mo' memories! Ass was da days............but...........like now......

all PAU.

and ay, lolo.........yeah, ass u.......u wen' go check out my websites o' what? Well, what da frick you waiting fo'?

www.girlsofhawaii.com

www.rolandsretreat.homestead.com

The sun spreads its warmth across her face . . . . . .

Copyright 2003 hilohighclassmates. All rights reserved.

The Beauty of Mauna Kea
-Keola Beaamer

(Chant):
He lei kea noho mai (The soft white lei encircle)
Ia I ka mauna (The crest of the mountain)
Ka Mauna ki'eki'eki la (The mountain high above)
Ku kilakila (Standing high above)
Kilakila no luna (Standing in great majesty)

MORE...

Well, i gotta admit stay Sunday.....

Well, I gotta admit stay Sunday and I no mo' notting fo' do. All my friends stay married, wit' an "other", or otherwise off on dere own Sunday journeys. Besides, I no mo' dat many friends. In fact, I only get couple. I guess I should go beach but I know I going get there, fight fo' parking, set up my stuff, sit down, walk around, then just drive home again......so I may as well just stay here, no?

Lsst night I drove around to all my old haunts but nothing and nobody seemed the same. I guess it's true that nothing really stays the same. Sometimes I feel like a leaf in the wind.....just fluttering around at the mercy of the elements and the universe. I even nehvah like go bon dance right next to my house which I usually go every year and bon dance up a storm. I not even Japanee but I just love the bon dance music and all the dances. I learn the unfamiliar dances by just watching the sequence a couple times.......I think cause I had to train my mind to learn the kung fu sets that way......so now I can learn physical sequences pretty easy. But the soul of the different dances of life......that can't be learned so east........you gotta dig deep down inside your spirit and make a connection with the spirit running through that particular dance of life.

My inner spirit always talking to me. Sometimes it gets irritating to always get a connection whenever I hear a word or see something.....then all the memories of a certain time or event come flooding back to me. I have a photographic memory of events......even things I witnessed when I was still in diapers...........it's both a blessing and a curse. One of my friends cannot remember life events beyond yesterday...........he is totally oblivious........and obliviously happy. And me......same ol' existential psychotic plodding through the different layers of life.

What's the difference between drinking hot tea and ice tea? Really, that's a question I have. My sifu nehvah tell me.....even after I asked him. He just told me that if I gotta boil the water anyway fo' make the tea that I may as well drink 'em hot. But I just love ice tea.....I stay addicted to ice tea. I gotta have it.......even when I used to go travel I had to bring ice tea mix with me fo' make ice tea. I went to Romania and I was nutso because they nehvah have ice tea ovah dehah. In New York City I loved it at Times Square cause had all these neat deli's whehah I could go grind all kine' diferent eats .......and drink ice tea. One shave ice guy I not......I just love ice tea.

Speaking of shave ice.........when I was small keed my muddah used to take us shave ice stand in Waiakea in Hilo. We had the choice of ice cream sandwich or shave ice. And if we chose shave ice we, of course, had the choice between azuki beans or ice cream at the bottom. Then we used to take our treats with us down the road to Liliuokalani (Japanee) Park, eat our ice cream sandwich or ice shave, then make little traps with coconut palm fronds and try fo' catch the litlle black, rock crabs that was in the ponds. (I told you I have a photographic memory).

And speaking of Liliuokalani Park..........there is no sight on earth as incredible as the view (on a clear day) of looking from the Liluokalani side of Hilo Bay........across the bay, up the Hamakua Coast shoreline, and up, up, up to the snow capped peaks of that grand lady, Mauna Kea. That's why I really love and relate to the song, "The Beauty of Mauna Kea", by Keola Beamer.

And speaking of Keola Beamer.......I remember small keed time wandering into Keola's grandfuddah's store on Hilo Bayfront. The store had no name.....only a small wooden sign wit' the name "Pete C. Beamer" out front, hanging from the sidewalk rafters which kept pedestrians dry from the frequent Hilo rains. Inside was like a different world.....old, unvarnished wooden floors and all kine' gadgets and gizmos. Even had one olden days bicycle, besides uddah stuffs, hanging from the high, skylighted ceiling.

Keola nehvah come out wit' one album long time. I wonder what he stay do? His slack key so nahenahe, so sweet. My slack key kumu, Ozzie Kotani, used to go visit him on Maui and dey used to jam together.

And speaking of Ozzie, I nehvah see him long time, too. I been emailing him.....bugging him fo' get me the tabs fo' "Kumu Home O' Kahaluu" (with chimes), but he no answer. Anybody out dere get da tabs?

Well, China's contest next week-end. I was going enter.......my cousin was going lend me one of his longboards fo' practice......but when he went bring the 9'6" ovah......nehvah fit in the elevator cause the elevator only stay 9' tall so the board nehvah fit inside....so I no could use 'em.......bummah's, man! Anybody out dere get one 9' you can sell me cheap?

Speaking of sell me cheap, no foget fo check out my websites and please kokua and subscribe to the second one (the wahine nani one):

www.rolandsretreat.homestead.com

www.girlsfhawaii.com

ok, pau..........mahalo.

Saw a story last night.....

Saw a story last night on the "Prime Time Thursday With Diane Sawyer" television program about Diane Sawyer's remembrance about a young girl who had cystic fibrosis her whole life..........who struggled to live..........and to live joyously for all of her life before she died at age 19.

One of her greatest accomplishments, in her own eyes, was falling in love. In today's world it is not an unusual revelation. It is difficult, as we try to eke out a living, to live joyously........and such an unexpected luxury to fall in love.

This young girl, wise beyond her years, didn't reflect on her life by the amount of pennies in her bank or how economically or socially revered she was in her community. Rather, her assessment of her success was measured by what joy she was able to squeeze out of life, refusing to be discouraged by the prospect that her life was going to be a short one.

Our Hawaii was not as it was when we were growing up as baby boomers. Much more economic and social concerns inundate our lifestyles and concerns. Get in the car, go work, come home, sleep.......day after day......No mo' time play music, no mo' time be with family and friends.......no mo' too much no mo'.

Too much pilikia now days. But if can just bust loose from our thinking and the kine' energy we put into and about life........and just try squeeze as much of the joy the universe has to offer into own own lives.......then maybe we can be like that courageous young girl who was determined to be successful in the true sense of what it means to be successful in this life.

By the way, please no forget fo' check out my favorite links:
www.girlsofhawaii.com
www.rolandsretreat.homestead.com

Whew!

Whew! Finally got back in here after Ryan figured out how to do it........thought I was locked out forever as I am a complete dummy in not writing down my password and user name!

I have been away in my own mind since I last blogged on.......and thus, I forgot how to even get back to this site. Mokihana White posted a sweet entry into the log of my last entry and I hope you will take the time to take a look at it.

Don't know where I last left off but it's been nutso trying to get a new website out and trying to steer traffic to my site. Hope I'm not breaking any rules by listing my site name: www.girlsofhawaii.com
Well, if it is a breakage of rules, I'm sure I'll hear about it soon enough from Ryan! But it really is a nice site and I hope that some of you will take a sec to take a look at it.

By the way, my personal website is: www.rolandsretreat.homestead.com
Hope that if you utterly refuse to look at the girlsofhawaii website that you'll take a moment and look at the latter.

What else...........nutting, really...........the usual maniacal existence.....still trying to decide what I want to do when I grow up. All I can say is, "Akatudi!!!" For those of you who don't know what "akatudi" is, think of what goes through your mind and when you're totally embarassed and want to hide in a hole and yet, sheepishly, realize that life is short and "cowabunga" goes through your mind.

Well, now that I've broken al the blogging rules......ovah and out...........laters.