I've always been transparent. Heart on my sleeve. My disbelief below my bottom lid.
People see me, so I should not find myself bewildered that the company vice president sees that I am stifled.
"Is it obvious?"
She nods, staring deep without even a blink.
She's always liked me and says I can work here the rest of my life. It's just that I know she sees the whole of me, and that there is a Ruth inside waiting to come through.
Does anyone know what it's like to just jump? To leave something perfectly good and perfectly comfortable for something unknown? Who would gamble this way?
Ryan helped me set this journal up and probably got the tagline from a poem that recently got published on proseax.com. Little did he realize the internal struggle that I'm going through.
How many people get to be who they really are?
This summer, I take a big risk, and I'll be in Boston for two whole months. I can't imagine what'll happen there. There are so many questions, and I'm not going to venture to picture what could become of my life and my direction.
Too many people have told me that I need to jump.
But I'm too scared to jump.
Posted by ruth at June 04, 2002 07:41 PMRuth, though I don't know of your specific details, I do understand this internal struggle you speak of.
I jumped. It was quite a jump, and the landing was hard, but I dusted myself off and got on with it.
I had all the makings of a "comfortable" life, and yet...I jumped. I survived it, and you can too. Yes, there were times when I wonder what could have been, but I know now that my jumping was the greatest gift I could ever give myself.
Sometimes people will wonder how could I have made this jump. And sometimes I will wonder how they could not.
Posted by: kane on June 15, 2002 08:58 PM
Kane, I'd love to hear more about this adventure you've had. Is this recorded in your blog?
Your last sentiment says it all.
Many thanks,
Ruth