I've been recently bombarded with friends who've complained about sluggish, cheap-ass boyfriends or dates. I know we live in the new millennium and that women and men are viewed as equal. My complaints (and theirs, as these women are quite liberal-minded) relate less to equality and more to generosity.
The behavior is outrageous, including calculating grocery costs to the penny, washing only the dishes he uses, never (ever) picking up the dinner tab and forgetting cash at home. I must admit, I was a little blind-sided when I encountered similar cheap-ass behavior in my adult life, especially since the guys in my family were never this cheap, even to their icky sisters. For a short time, I thought my exposure to such cheap-ass behavior was unique - until other people started telling me their stories about their stingy boyfriends or dates. God, like I said in an earlier journal entry, I was so naive.
So I've come up with a list. It may seem unfair or way off the mark to some people, but this is what I've gathered from anecdotal experiences, the merging of word-of-mouth stories from a range of people.
So, here are some signs that you might be dating a cheap-ass guy:
Does not tuck in his shirt. This never would've crossed my mind before, but trust me, look out for this kind. I'm not saying that you should avoid a man who leaves his shirt untucked once in awhile, since on occasion, it actually looks fantastic. I'm talking about careless, dowdy dressing. The virtue of dowdy dressing is that the guy may be doing so to defy the knee-jerk tendency to mindlessly follow fashion requirements produced primarily by the big, money-mongering corporations of this world. I can appreciate that perspective, but I also know that such a "to-hell-with-what-you-think" attitude translates to a "to-hell-with-spending-my-money-or-emotions-on-you" attitude, too. In the beginning, a guy like this might seem generous, as any guy would in the beginning stages. But give it the test of time, and the truth surfaces.
Wears T-shirts too often. T-shirts are free. (Also, see "does not tuck in his shirt.")
Pays 50-50 or less. I don't know if I have to explain this one. I love picking up the tab for my boyfriend, and he enjoys returning the favor. We never calculate. Perhaps if I were to really think hard about it, he may be up on me two or three meals. It's not a matter of equality, it's the desire to give till you find a certain discomfort, even financially. It does hurt to part with $45 for a simple meal that would've cost $20 if you paid for only yourself. But the loss is always worth it when you know you freely give of yourself to someone you love.
Is vocal about various causes but leaves little trace that he follows these ideals. Don't get me wrong - I support the same causes. Healthcare for all, education for the economically disadvantaged, equality for minorities. But while he may be very vocal about these ideals and call opponents "idiots," check to see the last time he did anything truly generous to people in his inner circle. Bought a beer for his friend lately? Brought more than just chips or left-over crackers to a potluck gathering? How about washing the dishes? Or maybe putting down some cash for the car rides his girlfriend provides in lieu of his desire to "keep the environment clean"? I love it when a man has principles and follows them, admitting his wrong along the way and having a sense of pride when he "did the right thing." The soured version of that is a man who is self-righteous and judgemental, sharply critical of all who don't agree with his loving and humanitarian principles. I don't know how to explain why there is even a connection between cheap-assedness and this self-righteous behavior. But believe me, if I saw it once or twice, I would've thought nothing of it. It's just that I've seen it *one* too many times, and I had to say something.
That's my list of signs. There are others, but I'm too tired to continue writing more. I could go on.
Good night.
Posted by ruth at December 26, 2002 07:06 PMI think I would be uncomfortable in any relationship where money is such an issue and where thoughts of "mine" and "yours" have such defined lines.
Perhaps I'm old-fashioned when it comes to such things, but I prefer to pay and just enjoy. Besides, things tend to even themselves out in the longrun.
Posted by: kane on December 28, 2002 08:13 PMKane!
Yeah. It's a different mentality. And "mine" and "yours" is when they're actually being generous, since at least they're attempting to apply *something.* Even beyond "mine" and "yours" is this sluggish attitude of not contributing to certain basics, like rent. I had a friend who was paying the full month's rent for her boyfriend. And it's not like he was out of work. Even a token payment of $40 would've nice.
Where do we find these people? I'm not sure. How common is this? I thought they were more of an exception. Guess not.
Laters,
Ruth
Posted by: ruth on December 30, 2002 11:22 AM
the man should pay ALWAYS...Unless the woman is in a genersou mood...C'mon y'all!!
Posted by: Amanda on September 7, 2003 10:45 AMHi
I have been dating this guy for two months now, he took me out to dinner the first month, at least once a week, havent been out to dinner since the week before Halloween. I cooked him numerous delicious meals, since I love to cook, the problem is now that he just got back from the oakland Vs Vikings game in calif. He told me he spent 2,000 on 8 of his long time buddies he hasnt seen in 10 years, and just last night told me he spent 2,000 on Nascar tickets for his buddies here at work on the east coast, but they have to refund his money for the tickets. But he never invited me, and when he comes over on Friday nights, and I mention that my friends in the band, are to be playing that particular weekend, he suddenly calls me from his cell phone on saturday night on his way home from work and says that he is going home, he is not feeling well, mind you this happenend several times and it seems mostly after I mentioned that I wanted to go out on Saturday night, since we both have off on Sundays!!! Now he is also going to Lake Tahoe in February to see his parents and is having a 9 hour layover in Las Vegas!!!! Somewhere he lived and worked for many years, and admitted he used to frequent whorehouses there!!! So whats a girl to d0? Should I be paranoid, about him cheating, and him spending all his money on other things while I spend my money on my measly income to feed him in between whenever dinner dates? I am starting to feel used!!!! But he is taking me to his sisters house in N. Carolina for Thanksgiving, why is he concerned about his family meeting me when he is cheap, does he really think I am stupid?
Posted by: Patricia Cicchinelli on November 26, 2003 06:23 AMIt's starting to dawn on me...I have a CHEAP boyfriend. I think I overlooked it because he is also my Best Friend, but I think that he's about to lose his "boyfriend" status.
Here's Why:
1.) For our first anniversary, we discussed spending about $75-$100 on each other (we worked all summer and both had decent $$ at the time). I went out and got him a gorgeous $75 Fossil watch and a dog-tag necklace with our names on it and our anniversary date. He opened his present and was all happy, and then handed me mine. I got a pair of his mother's USED earrings, in an old beat-up box and there was CRUST on them! He couldn't understand why I was mad: he was like "They're worth $100!". I was so pissed, I almost broke up with him that day! But then I ended up just taking the watch back and giving him another chance...
2. He almost NEVER pays for anything. When we go out to movies, he pays about 1 out of 10 times. I guarantee I've spent more on him throughout our relationship.
3. He gives me quarters! I have no idea what to think about this...it actually happened twice now that he would hand me a quarter and say "You can keep it". I was thinking, "Should I be insulted?!"
4. He often tells me he's broke, and then turns around a few days later and lets me know that he just bought a new $50 video game! It's like, my money is our money but his money is only his money.
5. Once I asked him what he considers to be some of his good qualities and he said "I'm generous." I almost died!!!
Our thrid year anniversary is coming up this month and I'm thinking that this relationship certainly isn't going to last to the point of marriage unless he learns something about generousity.
...Do cheap-ass guys change?
Is there any way that he can be made to understand how important it is to start treating me sometimes?
Bail the relationship now! Better a little hurt now than a lifetime of wondering if he really loves you. We all deserve better than that. The world is full of kind-hearted and generous partners, if you're willing to sift through the bad ones.
Having had a cheap-ass boyfriend before and now being in a relationship with a wonderfully giving man, I know all too well the difference.
This post is not about material things. It's about having a generous spirit. It's about not being slothful with regard for caring for your partner.
Best of luck!
Oh - about your question as to whether cheap-ass guys change.
Couple things to ponder:
1) The effort involved.
You know, anything is possible, but the question is:
- How probable is it? 1 out of 10 probability? 2 out of 5 probability?
- And even if it is probable to any degree, is the effort needed to realize the change worth it?
2. Change is his responsibility, not ours
Even though I bring up this cheap-ass issue, I'm also a believer in not trying to change others. If a guy's a cheap-ass and you want to stay with him because you do love him, then you have to accept his cheap-assedness. You can express your wishes for him to change, but ultimately, you have to accept where he is at today. You can help him change, but should never expect it nor place conditions on him to change.
I just have this to say:
The girl is there to be spoiled, and the man is there to spoil her.
Please someone help me. I really need advice. My boyfriend and me have been dating for about 2 it to me inn January because shipping would take long. He told me it was going to be a spectacular gift, so I let it slide. He was bragging about how it was going to out do mine. He told me he spent several benjamins on it. I was so worried that my gifts would not be adequate. I do not have much money, because I"m a college student with no job. However, I managed to buy him presents that totaled $180. On Christmas Day I gave him my presents. He still gave me the impression that his gift was more expensive. I recieved it today. He gave me a 10k gold birthstone ring. I thought it was nice. I'm not to familiar with jewlery prices. I thought that it was expensive. I decided to go online and research the ring from the company he bought it from. It turns out that the ring was only $78. He spent less than a hundred on me. I wouldn't be mad about it, but he lead me to believe that he spent several benjamins on it. I feel hurt. I feel like I was tricked. My boyfriend has always been a stingy guy. He hords all his money. He'd stay home if he could so that he could avoid spending money. He rarely pays for dinner unless it's a holiday. Most of our relationship I've covered food and movies. I have this resentment that I have tried to supress. However this situation has resurfaced it. I think he wants to make me keep on thinking that he spent alot on it.
What should I do? It's a nice gift, but I spent twice as much because of what he lead me to believe. I know it's just material goods, but should I say something to him?
years. On Christmas day my boyfriend did not have a gift for me. He had asked me if he could give
please... anyone out there... help.
Please someone help me. I really need advice. My boyfriend and me have been dating for about 2 years. He told me he would give me m Christmas gift in January because shipping was taking too long. He told me it was going to be a spectacular gift, so I let it slide. He was bragging about how it was going to out do mine. He told me he spent several benjamins on it. I was so worried that my gifts would not be adequate. I do not have much money, because I"m a college student with no job. However, I managed to buy him presents that totaled $180. On Christmas Day I gave him my presents. He still gave me the impression that his gift was more expensive. I recieved it today. He gave me a 10k gold birthstone ring. I thought it was nice. I'm not to familiar with jewlery prices. I thought that it was expensive. I decided to go online and research the ring from the company he bought it from. It turns out that the ring was only $78. He spent less than a hundred on me. I wouldn't be mad about it, but he lead me to believe that he spent several benjamins on it. I feel hurt. I feel like I was tricked. My boyfriend has always been a stingy guy. He hords all his money. He'd stay home if he could so that he could avoid spending money. He rarely pays for dinner unless it's a holiday. Most of our relationship I've covered food and movies. I have this resentment that I have tried to supress. However this situation has resurfaced it. I think he wants to make me keep on thinking that he spent alot on it.
What should I do? It's a nice gift, but I spent twice as much because of what he lead me to believe. I know it's just material goods, but should I say something to him?
years. On Christmas day my boyfriend did not have a gift for me. He had asked me if he could give
Hi Zana,
I'm sorry about what you've been going through. I know that it must hurt and that you are confused.
After reading your post, I was bothered that (1) your boyfriend bragged about the cost of a gift and (2) that you foot the bill on movies and meals all the time.
I can't tell you what to do, since ultimately, it's your decision.
But if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be fixated on the ring issue. That's not the heart of the problem, but rather a symptom of the core issue, which is this: Your guy is selfish, and you don't like how you're being treated.
It's not the ring price that is the issue here, but his (possible) dishonesty and lack of givingness.
Keep in mind that there is no clear way to prove that he paid $70-something dollars for the ring unless you get a hold of the receipt. To bring the ring cost up can be unnecessarily messy. It might be better for you to graciously accept his gift and make a personal note to yourself about his possible dishonesty.
IF you must get this off your chest, bring up the real issue instead, which is generosity. Use the movies and food as supporting evidence. If you confront him about the ring issue (not the core issue), he may give you a slippery explanation that sounds good. Then, you'll end up feeling short-changed.
Zana, the bigger question is - do you really want to be with this guy? If you say "yes," but want him to become more generous, you will be wanting something that you may never happen. The cheap-assed aspect of him is who he is, and to expect otherwise will damage you. The way he hordes his belongings is part of his nature. If he learns to be more generous over time, then that's a plus, but you can't bank on it.
Please consider your well-being as you proceed in your relationship with this guy.
Ruth
Posted by: Ruth on January 28, 2004 12:01 PMThank you so much for replying. I don't have many friends to give me advice. The truth is that I messed up... and yes it was a messy situation. I am so transparent that he knew something was wrong. So I told him the truth. Then he got mad at me for "invading his privacy." He called me "mean." He made me feel bad for complaining about how much he spent. And I did find the exact site and cost because he confirmed it.
Posted by: zana on January 31, 2004 04:40 AMHi Zana,
He called you "mean" and complained that you invaded his privacy? Hmm.. I hope he also called himself a "liar." If I were in his shoes, I'd feel guilty more than I would be angry at you. It's wrong for him to be turning the situation into your wrong, when it truly is about him.
You didn't mess up by telling the truth. If you're a transparent person and you told him what you did (find out ring cost) and how much it cost, that's not messing up. You did the right thing.
You don't deserve any of his guilt-tripping.
Ruth
Posted by: ruth on February 1, 2004 12:17 AMHello, My name is Patricia Cicchinelli, I live in the Philadelphia area, I am curious, I have the same problem with cheap ass men, could this be a coincidence ? and are you related to me, I am curious, I found out quite by accident that I could go into a web site type in my own name and come up with such interesting info. there are sooooo many cicchinelli here in the U.S., and I am curious about who you are and if you are related to me !!!! would be related to me thanks aot and talk to you soon I hope!!!!!1 Trish
Posted by: Patricia Cicchinelli on February 23, 2004 05:04 PMMy boyfriend is so cheap. I pay for everything. He lives at home and I always get picked last over his friends. What should I do?
Posted by: Laurie on April 30, 2004 09:17 PMNot sure if I know the whole situation.
But on a general scale, I always say, DUMP HIM! DUMP HIM! DUMP HIM! Cheap guys are a waste of time and emotion, especially emotion. Not to mention - money!
Posted by: ruth on July 13, 2004 06:47 PMMy boyfriend never makes me gifts. I received for my birthday in december a bracelet i asked him to buy in July while he was abroad (typical bracelet from his country) it was supposed to be a souvenir gift not my birthday gift to give me 6 months later.
And most of the time, he goes"oh u know what i am going to buy you..............flowers at the station before you leave" I DONT WANT FLOWERS I WANT A RING! we are together for years now!
I dont know if i have to consider him being cheap?
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Posted by: Carisoprodol on November 29, 2004 02:19 AMI am so glad to find this portal! I thought i was the only one dealing with issues with cheap guys!..
I really like my boyfriend and don't mind spending money but somethings bug me so much such as actually asking "So you got this one?" or "Can you get this one?" I am just very old fashioned when it comes to guys, i like to be spoiled and i like to spoil but by gifts not by cheap splitting of daily things that a guy should take care of!
He does spend money but takes receipts for a spending of 2 dollars it drives me insane! Its a 50-50 split and doesnt like buying expensive stuff or spending money on nice hotels where we go but owns a BMW! I just dont get it.
Is he stingy? cheap? can this change?!
Please help!!
Posted by: Mystiquee on January 3, 2005 01:41 PMMystiquee,
If your boyfriend drives a BMW, but doesn't like "buying expensive stuff"...hmmm. Perhaps he just likes to spend money on himself.
I, like most women, like to be treated nicely. I don't settle. I don't like cheap guys, nor do I tolerate them.
People spend their money emotionally, so money-spending is a very accurate barometer of your partner's emotions for you. If a guy tells you that he is always broke, that is why he can't afford to pay for you but as soon as he has money in his pocket he goes out and spends $50 on a video game ...then we know where his emotions lie.
When I was in high school and junior high, it was always 50-50, but that's normal when you're at that age. But by the time I reached my junior and senior year, I've decided that I was no longer going to be with someone just for the sake of not being alone. That was one of the only reasons why teenagers date anyway, because if they just like the person than they could just be friends and hang out every now and then.
I went through alot of changes during my junior year in high school. I had more confidence in myself, and I was clear on what I wanted and didn't want in a relationship. By the time senior year came around, I grew more attracted and attracted a different group of guys. They're more confident in themselves, they're more considerate, they're more generous than the guys that I've been surrounded by in the past. The only catch was that these were men, they were older than I am. But I was 18 by the time I had graduated from high school, so I dated these men, and ever since I haven't given a second thought about "looking back". I'm a second year in college now, and am in a very loving relationship with a wonderful man who owns a successful graphics company located on the East Coast. He's insanely romantic, and very generous (of his time and his money). He's also very witty and intelligent. I was not attracted to him because of his money( In fact, he didn't tell me exactly what he did for a living until we've known each other for a while). The thing that drew me to him, was his consideration. He tells me that he would never want me to feel like I have to spend money on him to show him that I care about him. Because he knows that I'm in college and what money I do have, he would rather I save it and spend it when I'm out with my girlfriends.
We've been together for over a year, and I've never had to pay for anything. He wouldn't allow it. He's very traditional in that, he believes the man should always pay, unless that is the woman feels like being cute and wanted to pay. As someone has mentioned earlier, the woman is there to be spoiled, and the man is there to spoil her.
I believe I've only had to pay twice in this relationship, and that was because we were at my favorite burger place (a ma and pa kind of place) and I wanted to show him what the burger there tasted like, so I treated him. He told me that in all his years, he's never had a woman pay for his meal until he met me. Tee-hee-hee.
Ladies,I can't stress this enough. When a guy spends more money on himself, then he does with you, its a clear indication that he cares more about himself than he does for you. He doesn't have to get you Chanel sunglasses, or Hermes purses or anything like that. But if he's constantly asking you to split the bill whenever you guys go out , whether you have been with him for a short or long period of time, chances are he's not going to change. And you're not helping him get any better by staying in the relationship and tolerating his behavior. People must value themselves enough to say enough is enough, and draw a bold and clear line between what they would accept in a relationship and what they would not. Because if you compromise and keep telling yourself that ,"or he's funny", or "I just don't want to be alone", in the end you'll just resent him and yourself for allowing him to treat you the way he does.
Again, please do not mistaken this as a "money" issue. It's more of what is acceptable and what is not. And it seems to me that, most of the women who posted here, are not happy with their boyfriends. If a man splits everything, down to the last penny...then you should run! Don't walk to the nearest exit. Think of it this way, if you date a guy who is an extremely cheap, would you want to marry him and spend the next 30+ years of your life with him and produce babies with this guy? And if the answer is no, then why are you wasting your precious time with someone whom you don't see yourself marrying?
The only time I do 50-50 is when I'm hanging out with my friends. If a guy constantly does the 50-50 thing, then consider him a friend, because he doesn't seem to consider you as a girlfriend.
I once heard a story where a girl's fiancee made her pay for her own coffee at a 7-11. ::::Shakes head:::::
I'm glad I found this site! I've had the same problem with my boyfriend of 2.5yrs! When we go out, I 'always' have to make sure to have money on me, b/c Heaven forbid, he were to buy me a coffee, or friggin' orange juice. Like just this March break, I paid a lot of money for my train ticket to go visit him (yes, he decided that after 2 yrs. in the relationship to find a new job that is 200miles away from me)..when I went ot visit him (he's back at home too with his parents) I had to buy my own groceries as well!! I mean, it cost him nothing having me there for 5 days! He even had the nerve to ask me to pay for his snack at the grocery store when he wouldn't even offer to pay for my juice or snacks! and he works full-time, while I have 3 part-time jobs!! I'm at my witz end with it! When we go to dinner dances, I always pay for his ticket, and I pay for his half when he attends my weddings. Yet, his friends got married in Xmas, and told him that he couldn't bring to the wedding cuz he wasn't allowed a date!!! after 2 years, I am NOT a date! and he didn't even had the face to tell me this until 2 weeks before the wedding! So, for 6 months, he led me to believe I was invited! (I guess he tried to see if I could be invited to church..and his friends said that I could only attend the reception after the meal)...fuckin pisses me off!! Cheap and disrespectful!
I know, you must all be wondering why I stay wiht him...yeah, sometimes I wonder too :(
I'm glad I found this site! I've had the same problem with my boyfriend of 2.5yrs! When we go out, I 'always' have to make sure to have money on me, b/c Heaven forbid, he were to buy me a coffee, or simply orange juice. Like just this March break, I paid a lot of money for my train ticket to go visit him (yes, he decided that after 2 yrs. in the relationship to find a new job that is 200miles away from me)..when I went ot visit him (he's back at home too with his parents) I had to buy my own groceries as well!! I mean, it cost him nothing having me there for 5 days! He even had the nerve to ask me to pay for his snack at the grocery store when he wouldn't even offer to pay for my juice or snacks! and he works full-time, while I have 3 part-time jobs!! I'm at my witz end with it! When we go to dinner dances, I always pay for his ticket, and I pay for his half when he attends my weddings. Yet, his friends got married in Xmas, and told him that he couldn't bring to the wedding cuz he wasn't allowed a date!!! after 2 years, I am NOT a date! and he didn't even had the face to tell me this until 2 weeks before the wedding! So, for 6 months, he led me to believe I was invited! (I guess he tried to see if I could be invited to church..and his friends said that I could only attend the reception after the meal)...its really angers me!! Cheap and disrespectful!
I know, you must all be wondering why I stay wiht him...yeah, sometimes I wonder too :(
I'm glad I found this site! I have the same problem with my boyfriend of 2.5yrs! When we go out, I 'always' have to make sure to have money on me, b/c Heaven forbid, he were to buy me a coffee or a sub. Just this March break, I paid a lot of money for my train ticket to go visit him (yes, he decided that after 2 yrs. in the relationship to find a new job that is 200miles away from me)..when I went ot visit him (he's back at home too with his parents) I had to buy my own groceries as well!! I mean, it cost him nothing having me there for 5 days! He even had the nerve to ask me to pay for his snack at the grocery store when he wouldn't even offer to pay for my juice or snacks! and he works full-time, while I have 3 part-time jobs!! I'm at my witz end with it! HE couldn't even find 6 dollars to pay for my sub, but he should could find change for himself!!
When we go to dinner dances, I always pay for his ticket, and I pay for his half when he attends my weddings. Yet, his friends got married in Xmas, and told him that he couldn't bring to the wedding cuz he wasn't allowed a date!!! after 2 years, I am NOT a date! and he didn't even had the face to tell me this until 2 weeks before the wedding! So, for 6 months, he led me to believe I was invited! (I guess he tried to see if I could be invited to church..and his friends said that I could only attend the reception after the meal)...it pisses me off!! Cheap and disrespectful!
I know, you must all be wondering why I stay wiht him...yeah, sometimes I wonder too :(
wow. some girls need some new friends i think.
i have been going out with my guy for a couple years now and i've had to forcefully pay for his meal on his birthday. i always offer to pitch or even account for the whole bill.. never to any avail. even my guy friends who aren't my boyfriend pay for my meals or club admission or drinks.. whatever.. and i do the same for them.
i think appreciation helps though, girls.
if all you do is call your boy cheap or compare the prices of your gifts than maybe you're getting what you deserve.
U know what? I hate simpletons like j-dawg, who come on this site and say things like "if all you do is call your boy cheap or compare the prices of your gifts than maybe you're getting what you deserve" - honestly, if it were our b/f's bday, then of course we would dish out the money. What j-dawg is ignorant of comprenhending is that girls should not be having to pay for their boyfriends all the TIME!- it is a respect issue. I would gladly pay for my guy, but to a point..men should not take advantage of their g/f financially esp. if he has a full-time job and is only spending his $$ to buy himself toys.
Hello,
I have a question, I don't know whether i am think too much or is it correct. My boyfriend live in other country. We met in chat room. It's been 3 yrs since we met. On my first b'day he sent me 2 t-shirts ( I don't like them ). He used to ask me always if i liked them n why i din't wear them and i used to say I luv them but they are big for my size, which they are. Then we fought after 6 months and i told him the truth that i don't like them. He was hurt and told me that he won't buy me anything again coz i don't like his choice. On my second b'day he send me 2 t-shirts again. They are ok but the thing is I don't want cheap t-shirs from him. It's not about money, but i feel that if I spend money on him then he should also consider spending some on me. I got my first job in that period, I didn't earn that much but i still saved a good amount of money to buy a nice sweater for him, coz i was planning to meet him. That was my first earning and the only person i spent money on was him. Rest i spent for my studies, as there weren't enough. He told me once that he has to buy gift for his friend but he told how much he is going to spend, it was way too much compered to waht he sent me.
I have been asking him to buy me a ring even if it's a cheap one, but he still didn't get me one. My parents went to see him, at that time i asked him to buy me a ring and he said he did and that too an expensive one. But he didn't send me coz he said his parents did not allow him. So he again got me a t-shirt and a purse ( cheap one).
I am very confused, I met him twice, and when i am with him, he spend money on everything ( i.e. on food and everything.) but he never bought me a flower or chocolates or something sweet.
Whenever I send him gifts, I always take my time to buy him nice presents. I don't feel that way from his side.
It just bothers me too much that is he going to be like that always. He loves me a lot and he is very caring. Sometimes I feel like I am expecting too much. That I should be happy with whatever he sends me. Buy still I feel hurt and I get worried what's going to happen in future.
I don't know what to do. Can you please suggest me anything.
Posted by: Anonymous on June 5, 2005 05:52 PMI'm confused about the state of my present relationship. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year now, and have been living together for 6 months. I used to think he was generous, buit lately it's been ridiculously 50-50, bean counting to the very last dime. If I don't have cash on me, he'll let me "borrow" money for lunch, or "borrow" a damn bus ticket. I was sick today and I asked him to go out to get me some medicine. He comes back telling me he spent a whopping $20 bucks for shit that I wouldn't have gotten for myself. I thought he was gonna pay for it, but later he's like, "Oh, I'll pay for half of it since I'm going to use the throat spray too." Meanwhile, he spent over $200 bucks on himself today shopping for clothes. He loves tallying up all the money that I owe him, even if it's chump change. The only times he's willing to spend money on me is during special occasions or if I'm sad and he thinks him spending a few dollars on me for a movie will cheer me up. I'm a very traditional girl, and i totally agree that this whole cheap boyfriend thing is more than just about money - it's about character and how much a man is willing to give of himself to the woman who he supposedly loves. I'm sick of his constant record-keeping of how much money I owe him and counting everything he spends on me to the last dime only so he can throw it back in my face later and resent me for "sucking out all his money." I'm not a gold-digger. If I were, I wouldn't be with him after our third date. He's a good guy but I cannot overlook his pettiness as of late. Please help.
Posted by: jp on June 23, 2005 12:07 AMI don't know how long I can be with this guy. I have been with this guy for a year, I bought him some expensive eye glass and shaver for Christmas and birthday because I think those days are special. he only bought me several flowers so far. I asked him what he will send me as a house-warming gift after I bought a new house and he said he already bought me a flower. what do you think of this guy? he earns much more. I have a feeling for him now and feel very sad why he treat me like this.
Posted by: lili on June 30, 2005 11:39 AMi can't believe i found this site...i just did a google search on cheap boyfriends who don't pay for dates lol.
i am 20 years old and i just broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months just recently. it was just an accumulation of built up stuff, but alot of it was because he was so freaking cheap and i couldn't take it anymore. i NEVER said anything to him until AFTER we broke up, so that he would feel bad, and he called me a "money grubbing bitch" and that i was money hungry. UMM...hello...if that's what i was after, don't you think i would've said something to him while we were dating?? he kept saying all i care about is money, when i don't. you guys are right, it's a judgment of character and how much he is willing to give to you. you guys will not believe how cheap this guy was.
the first time we met, it was in a bar, he bought me a couple of drinks. we eventually started dating 3 months later. we lived in the same dorm at college. he RARELY took me out to dinner the 7 months we were together. when we went to his house for easter, he asked me to give him $15 for gas. (!!!!) one time he ordered pizza with his friends, and he made me pitch in 3 bucks like everyone else did...ummm hello...those guys eat so much more than me. he would always make me pay half when he ordered food. one time on our 3 month anniversary, he ordered chinese food and sent me an IM while i was in my floor meeting and said "hey the food is here, bring down 10 bucks and we'll call it even." i brought down the 10 bucks and saw on the receipt that the food was only $15!!! he probably paid the delivery guy $20, but it's not my fault that he was too lazy to pick up the food. and plus, he eats WAY more than me, he's 6'4 and i'm 5'3, it's not fair that i have to pay half when he eats twice as much as i do.
he is obsessed with the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. he is also obsessed with buying dvd's for his damn dvd collection. he bought eternal sunshine the day it came out, and then a month later the collector's edition came out. he wanted to buy that, and asked me if i liked that movie, and said he would sell it to me for $10 so that he could buy the collector's edition. WTF!!! i was SO MAD, why the hell are you trying to sell your girlfriend a freakin dvd?!? another time, he wanted to buy the game DDR for playstaion, and he asked me if he should get it. i said yeah, cuz i liked playing that game too. and he said "i'll get it if you go halves with me." UHHHH NO...i am NOT going to pay for half of your damn video game. i can't believe he even had the nerve to ask me.
when he came to chicago to visit me, i did him a favor by picking him up from the amtrak station and taking the train with him to his friends apartment. we went to mcdonalds there, and he didnt even pay for my freaking $2 meal that i ordered from the 99 cents value menu.
now, i wouldn't really be complanin this much, but here's the thing. this kid is SOOO freaking stingy, but he has $5,000 saved in his bank account right now. and another thing...i work a retail job and make $6.76 an hour which SUCKS and i ALWAYS complain about it. he is the announcer for a minor league baseball team and gets paid $75 a GAME with no taxes taken out. and he is doing 80 games this summer. he has money, but he isn't willing to pay for my meals and always wants to go halves. it'd be nice to be treated out once in a while by my boyfriend!!
i never complained, but now i do, and he calls me a "money grubbing bitch." i am SOOOOO glad i got rid of his ass. and money wasn't his only issue. oh yeah, for our 6 month anniverary, i bought him chicago white sox tickets and surprised him, which i paid $72 for. i mean, he took me out for dinner for my birthday which was $65, and he bought me expensive gifts, but thats the only time where he bought me stuff and i spent just as much as him on his birthday. he brought up the fact that i am so ungrateful and that he does spend money on me, and i said how am i ungrateful when i bought you white sox tickets to show my appreciation, and he said "yeah 72 dollar shit seats!" FUCKER...i was soooo mad. he thinks that i want to put a price tag on our whole relationship, which i am not out to do. he's just a jerk for never wanting to pay for me. and he said that i expect him to dish out his entire paychecks for me and that i am a spoiled brat, when all i want him to do is pay for my freaking MEALS like a gentleman SHOULD do!!!! he treated me like a friend with benefits, and it really pissed me off.
i am glad i got rid of him, but i still love him and am not over him. he still wants to get back with me, and i do want to get back with him too...but i dunno, he's hurt me alot, and it wasn't just the money thing. one time we got in a fight cuz he i asked him to walk me back to my room at night, and he told me that he was "sick of warming up my bottle and changing my diaper for me" and that i should "grow up." all for just wanting him to walk me back to my room. he just didn't act like a gentleman in general...and he blames our breakup on me and that i complain too much about nothing. of course i am going to freaking complain if i'm not happy.
okay sorry this was a novel...i hope this helps you guys and that you can identify with me...it helps me to know that other people went through the same thing and it isn't only me!!!
Posted by: hannah on June 30, 2005 09:57 PMMy boyfriend is so cheap that before he left on a trip to The Grand Canyon, he said he "had something for me". I was excited and opened the bag; and all it was was him giving me my tupperware container back that he had washed for me, after I had given him a meal in it!
Posted by: Janey on March 27, 2006 03:00 AMI just broke up with my cheap boyfriend of one year now. I could not tolerate him not being able to buy me the smallest things, such as a soda on a hot day ! OMG. I'm unemployed, he works full time, yet he couldn't help me with a 27 dollar eyeglass co pay for glasses I needed.. Yikes. Oh and I have a teenage son that he NEVER would ask about nor address when he would come over to pick me up. That is what burned me .. He disrespected me 100% by not asking a single thing about my son.
Posted by: jennipher on May 17, 2006 06:57 PMHad the cheapest boyfriend in the World.
Always said he wasn't hungry and wanted to SPLIT a beef sandwich. Went on for a year. Had a 75,000 dollar pension coming in but always complained he was broke. I wanted to go play Bingo. He said.. Don't have the $25. Pay day isn't til Friday.
Only went to cheap matinees. He made me go in the exit at the county fair, because he was too cheap to pay admission. Stole ketchup containers from restaurants. Lived with me and only paid $250/mo. The last month when he decided to move out and buy his OWN HOUSE without ME? ... I had to beg for the money. Does the word JERK mean anything to anyone? We split after a year and now he is most likely making some other woman miserable with his cheap ass tendencies. Tacky.
Very tacky.