Why should I move away?

If I have to hear one more person tell me that I should move to the mainland I am going to mangle them until they are unrecognizable! Well, maybe not, but I shall politely tell them that it’s of no interest to me to move away, but thank you for the advice.

Seriously, why is that you can’t be a successful, hardworking young person in Hawaii? I’m a college grad student working for the Cancer Research Center. I want to continue my studies in Psychology, get my PhD, and work on outreach programs on the islands. Why is that so wrong? I do love Hawaii, but really the reason that I don’t want to leave is because my family lives on Maui. I live on Oahu and that’s far enough. I get to go home every month, or every other month, and that’s really important to me. It’s not the length of the stay but rather the frequency that’s important to me. I have young nieces and nephews, they come visit me or I visit them, I want them grow up around me. Becoming the uncle they see once a year is of no interest to me.

It seems that for me to want to stay in Hawaii is equitable to me saying “I want to flip burgers for the rest of my life”. The people that are successful here seem to want to remind me that they went to mainland for grad school and that I should consider the same. It not only positioned them for a grand homecoming but it also made them grow as individuals. Wonderful, I’m happy for you, but it’s not that I’m scared to move away, that I don’t think I can do it, it’s that I simply don’t want to.

I remember when career oriented people were looked down on because they held families secondary to their careers. For me it’s the opposite. I’d rather keep my family close by and work within the constructs of what staying in Hawaii entails. Is that so wrong? Should my career be more important to me? Is it stupid of me to think that I can become a successful and respected person even if I stay in Hawaii? Is it limiting to not want to sacrifice your family for material gains? I think I know my answers to those questions but I’d be interested in hearing what you think.

Comments

There are plenty of successful and respected people here. Okay, maybe they could make more money doing the same things on the mainland, but making more money is NOT the main point in life (even if some people seem to think so).

Why give up a place you love and even more importantly access to your family just to get "more money"?

It's wonderful to hear someone say that family comes before career. That's quite a rarity in this career-oriented world where earning money comes before loved ones.

It doesn't make sense.

I agree. I have met alot of people who equate success with moving and working in the mainland...but why can't one be successful here in the islands? I have never been one of those people who complain about Hawaii being "too small" or "a rock", the latter description one which I hate the most. I love Hawaii, my family is here, my heart is here...and for me, more income is just not a good enough reason to take me away from this place.

For some careers, it's not a matter of choice.

When was the last time an indie rock band from Hawai`i was successful nationally? Easy answer -- there's no such thing as an indie rock band from Hawai`i. And while Honolulu is that rare city to accomodate two newspapers, anyone who eventually wants to write nationally will need to seek larger markets.

If there's a demand in Hawai`i for the profession in which you work, making the choice to stay is easy. But Hawai`i doesn't have enough room for all professions, and most of the time, moving is just plain necessary.

Definitely there are some callings that simply won't find a market in Hawaii. If your dream is to be a full-time actor? Forget it. And yes, if you want "success" beyond being a big fish in a very small pond, you'll run out of breathing room in Hawaii pretty quickly.

Further, I don't think it's fair to characterize "more money" as the main reason people move to the Mainland. For some of us, it might mean the difference between a $40,000 local job and a $65,000 Portland job (or a $500,000 local house and a $173,000 Nevada house)... but for others, it's simply a matter of survival. Lots of people leave Hawaii because they simply can't afford to stay. My family and I have been on the brink of that decision more times than I'm comfortable with.

Having a "family first" philosophy and moving away sometimes have a lot to do with each other.

That said, I know what you're saying, Pharoe. When you're in the struggling "middle class" or higher, there's an implied expectation that "real success" is only proven by getting out of Hawaii, by getting out of Dobelle's "crab bucket," as it were. If you go to a private school, for example, you're given the sense that going to UH means you're a failure, and that choosing to stay in Hawaii is a mistake, is selling yourself short. And there aren't many "local boy/girl does good" stories that don't involve "making it on the Mainland."

For some of us, obviously, it's the opposite. Struggling and not doing well, for me, would be what eventually drives us to the Mainland. If I were to achieve "success," it would be able to find a career that would allow me to stay, and allow my family to live confortably, right here.

Hey screw them man!

The people over here want to get to the islands...

If they want to move so bad then let THEM move!

:)

I understand the frustration in response to a possible attitude that looks primarily to the mainland for credentials or approval as some kind of legitimization. And yes, the presumption that Hawaii is somehow “lesser” than the continental US is completely ridiculous. However, if the people who are encouraging you to study on the mainland have themselves chosen to return to live in Hawaii, it doesn’t seem as if they’re ambitiously disregarding local community and their own families for their careers. Quite to the contrary, these advice-givers (whether the advice is welcome or not) sound as if they’re well-meaning people trying to be helpful friends or mentors based on their own experience. In returning home, these people seem to know that Hawaii is a special place worth the potential sacrifice of anything the mainland can offer, while at the same time recognizing some kind of value from their own experiences away from the islands. While it’s aggravating to encounter "mainland-worship" at the expense of Hawaii’s own assets, I don’t think you can frame this choice as a strict one between Hawaii (as the only place where one can prioritize one’s family) and the Mainland (as the land of ambitious careerists who neglect their loved ones).

A temporary or permanent relocation away from Hawaii for education or opportunities doesn’t necessarily mean the move is fueled by ambition, money, or some other selfish motivation. A lot of people who do decide to go to the mainland are curious about exploring a different place, encountering people from different backgrounds, and gaining experiences one might not be able to have in Hawaii. The motivations are sometimes less about finances or a "career," and more about enrichment through learning, a personal journey which offers its own challenges when you’re away from the comfortable support system offered by family at home and when you’re separated from those you love. And "ambition" (whether you’re in Hawaii or somewhere else) isn’t necessarily selfish or irreconcilable with family, I would hope. Portia from The Merchant of Venice expresses this idea beautifully:

...Though for myself alone
I would not be ambitious in my wish
To wish myself better, yet for you,
I would be trebled twenty times myself.

One can be ambitious (in Hawaii or elsewhere) in order to care for one’s family; to try to fulfill the hopes of one’s family because other members didn’t have the same opportunities themselves; or to strive to better oneself to have some kind of positive impact – large or small.

I know some people feel a sense of betrayal when others decide to move away, as if people who move away are abandoning or rejecting all that Hawaii is, but others are understanding and supportive of the decision (often a complicated, difficult one) and respect the individual’s or family’s choice. It's a shame if people try to impose their choices on others. To respond to the question you posed, you're right to hold to your decisions without having to feel pressured by others. One should only "go to the Mainland" if one chooses to do so, for whatever reason.

One person’s choice does not need to be interpreted as a denigration of another’s, but a strict hierarchy of values which seeks to justify or rationalize one’s own decisions at the expense of another’s can be aggravating and potentially hurtful (no matter which perspective you’re coming from).

I think that you should be where your heart is. God will make a way for you.

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